Is it too much to expect a friend to at least try and do something you're interested in?
So I'm doing history for my degree and hope to go on to teach it afterwards, and I absolutely love it! And my friend came over the other night and, for no reason whatsoever (history had not been mentioned AT ALL), says to me that she doesn't understand why people would find history interesting.
Now, maybe I'm a bit oversensitive (please, tell me if I am), but I was just a bit hurt by this. It was mainly because it had come so out of the blue, so it just felt like a sort of attack mainly because of how she said it. I did speak to her about it, because she had also gone on about other things I'd liked and stuff and just made out that the things I like are pretty awful in her opinion.
I actually have other friends who do this, when I bring up something I really like and they just sort of roll their eyes at me. At one point, I brought up this show I'm mad about and my 'friend' rolled her eyes and said "****, not this again". So maybe I was so annoyed about the history thing because I'm tired of my interests being **** on. Because this history instance isn't the first time that particular person has hurt me; she hardly ever speaks to me, and when we do talk she can often be quite patronising. She says to me that we should get all our old friends back together for drinks and stuff, and never arranges anything. Whenever I recommend a book or TV show I'm really interested in, she just instantly says no, without even really knowing what it's about and giving it a try. If she gave it a try, even just a tiny bit, and decided it wasn't for her then I would understand that.
So maybe this history thing was just the last straw for me. So I spoke to her and told her why it had upset me, that I felt our friendship wasn't as good as it used to be because we don't talk, and it's getting more and more difficult to talk to her. I tried to watch things she liked and stuff so I could talk to her about that, since we had nothing else to talk about, but even then she just seemed like she couldn't be bothered.
She said that she was just giving me her opinion and that she had changed herself a lot because of me, and when I asked her what she had changed she just changed the subject and eventually said it's because she thought she was a bad person. I was confused though that if she had changed FOR me, why would she be so distant from me?
In the past, I used to be mean about other people's interests if they didn't seem interesting to me, but now I just think that as a friend, you'd just WANT to see what sort of thing your friend likes and why. Just give it a go, and then say your thoughts. To just be completely negative about everything seems horrible to me, but is that just me? Am I expecting too much from people?
If they don't want to watch/read/do whatever interests me, that's fine, but I just think they should pass judgement on it if they haven't experienced it themselves. Especially if it's just to be rude about it. Is that just me, though?
I also want to mention that I have lost a few friends in the past, and this is why I am worried that maybe I expect too much from them.
- I stopped being friends with the girl who said "**** not this again" when I was talking about what I liked, because she only cared about herself, and when I told her I had left my first uni (I ended up taking a gap year and changing unis), she didn't say anything at all, just told me more about her uni work. I know you shouldn't expect your friends to carry all your problems and stuff, but I thought she might at least ask if I was okay, since my life had just been turned upside down (as it seemed at that point)
- I fell out with one of my best friends because I had been to a party with another person and had been hanging out with the other person a lot more, since she really enjoyed history so we started revising together and stuff and had a lot in common. When I went to this party at this girl's house, I even asked if I would be able to invite my friend and she agreed, but my friend couldn't come so I thought nothing else of it. The morning after the party I had messages from both my friend and one of her friends basically ganging up on me saying that they were annoyed I had gone out without her. I tried to explain that first of all I had invited her, and secondly, it wasn't even my party! And then she did this whole self-pitying thing where she said she was a bad friend etc. etc. and then told me that even though we both were going to go to the same college together she had actually applied somewhere else and wasn't going to tell me. I wasn't mad that I was going to the college without her, because I don't just choose these things over my friends, but it had upset me that she was having ago at me because she was mad at herself and that she wasn't going to tell me. I forgave her for that, but then she continued to find fault with everything I did, and how much time I spent with this other girl, so eventually I just felt that she was too jealous and I wasn't going to carry on like that.
- I was friends with someone in college who had been a mutual friend, but because neither of us knew anybody, we stuck together at the start for a bit. I wanted to mingle though, but she didn't, and every time I tried to go out with someone she would make me feel guilty about it. And she made me feel really bad about myself as well; I was a shy person, and could barely manage to speak in class, but I still want to teach. When I told her I was doing a teaching programme where I would be forced to teach a class, instead of supporting me, she just reminded me that I couldn't even speak in class, so I wouldn't be able to do it. I was able to do it, because I want to be a teacher that badly. But I don't need to be reminded of my insecurities, and maybe she didn't mean to be horrible, but it just hurt me a lot. She told me I was a bad person as well because I joked about hating the French (like the English are supposed to do) and said I was racist. And she was horrible to people in the class who didn't understand things, even when they really tried to do the work (and she hardly did any work!), they tried twice as hard as her, and she laughed at them! Even when they tried really hard. So eventually I just couldn't deal with that sort of negativity.
So is it just me, am I too picky with my friends?
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- Thread Starter
Last edited by MartinisSkip; 06-03-2018 at 23:57.
- 06-03-2018 23:28
Online19Very Important Poster
- Very Important Poster
- 07-03-2018 01:50
Too much for me too read at 1:40am.
Ok I read it all.
Care about things that dont matter.
Expect too much from people an dont realise plus cant cope with the fact they might let you down or have opinions.
It just wastes a lot of energy for you.
Care less about peoples opinions. When these things happen then they wont bother you .
Be prepared to stick up for yourself. If teaching History is what you want to do that is great. If you have some weaknesses about public speaking, then get them sorted out, then if someone mentions it they can say how great you are or you can tell them yourself.
Dont make such a big thing of some things which seem small to me.
Chill out a bit.
Honestly you will be a lot happier, less stressed and have wasted less energy that way.