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was it rape? and am scared i might get pregnant. watch

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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    The easiest way not to find yourself in this position is not to assume a) a girl is playing hard to get b) that your belief that she will eventually enjoy it overrides her saying she doesn’t want it now

    I mean honestly don’t get why this has to be laid out. Girl says no, guy continues, girl says no again and pushes away, guy continues, girl feels powerless so stops trying to stop guy. Guy..this is consent right? No. And more no. It simply means you’ve succeeded in making a girl too scared to keep fighting 👏 bravo
    I was having nightmares about being raped, I know I would not be able to fight back, just as I am not able to fight back any sort of physical abuse or violence. I was speaking to about it with a psychologist and it turn out that it is very common for girls just to freeze or give up if the guy is putting to much pressure on them... even psychological pressure 'convincing' to have sex.

    As for physical enjoyment.... you can't know if you enjoied it or not if it was your first time... first time might not be enjoiable at all.



    I might sound strange, well it was rape, but he didn't really mean to rape. I mean many guys in situations like this just lost control and become animals, they follow their instincts and not their mind... he may even not realize what he did. If you trust him talk with him about it and consider counselling or even a therapy. Reporting to the police and 'punishing' him will not really help anyone. Proper treatment will. You still have to tell someone to get the support YOU need, but don't forget he needs help too.
    *hugs*

    PS

    I am not taking his side by any means, just adding an important point to all that was already said.
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    (Original post by Kathy89)
    As for physical enjoyment.... you can't know if you enjoied it or not if it was your first time... first time might not be enjoiable at all.

    I might sound strange, well it was rape, but he didn't really mean to rape. I mean many guys in situations like this just lost control and become animals, they follow their instincts and not their mind... he may even not realize what he did. If you trust him talk with him about it and consider counselling or even a therapy. Reporting to the police and 'punishing' him will not really help anyone. Proper treatment will. You still have to tell someone to get the support YOU need, but don't forget he needs help too.
    *hugs*

    PS

    I am not taking his side by any means, just adding an important point to all that was already said.
    I will lay this out plainly. You cant accidentally rape someone. Especially when the person you are raping has only ever said they dont want to have sex. Men do not lose control like animals - that is highly insulting to men and infantilises them. Men are not slaves to an erection. They can have an erection and not do anything with it. The only thing this guy did was decide that his wants (not needs) were more important than hers. Stop pushing this tired and dangerous rape myth. Sexual arousal or lack of sexual satisfaction does not cause rape.

    Rapists deserve to be punished. He can seek treatment post punishment. But theres no full proof treatment for sexual offenders, its still very much an evolving therapeutic sector.

    And ive got no idea what youre on with the physical enjoyment thing. Your body can tell the difference between a positive feeling and a negative one. Its a very basic biological function. You can know that youre physically experiencing the sensation of enjoyment during an act such as rape whilst simultaneously feeling like you want to rip out of your own body just to escape the physical feelings. You dont need to have had sex to know whether you liked a feeling or not
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    I will lay this out plainly. You cant accidentally rape someone. Especially when the person you are raping has only ever said they dont want to have sex. Men do not lose control like animals - that is highly insulting to men and infantilises them. Men are not slaves to an erection. They can have an erection and not do anything with it. The only thing this guy did was decide that his wants (not needs) were more important than hers. Stop pushing this tired and dangerous rape myth. Sexual arousal or lack of sexual satisfaction does not cause rape.

    Rapists deserve to be punished. He can seek treatment post punishment. But theres no full proof treatment for sexual offenders, its still very much an evolving therapeutic sector.

    And ive got no idea what youre on with the physical enjoyment thing. Your body can tell the difference between a positive feeling and a negative one. Its a very basic biological function. You can know that youre physically experiencing the sensation of enjoyment during an act such as rape whilst simultaneously feeling like you want to rip out of your own body just to escape the physical feelings. You dont need to have had sex to know whether you liked a feeling or not
    1. It was not accidental, it was unintentional. He wanted to have sex, he didn't want to rape or do something to hurt the girl, he may not even realize he did.
    2. Hormones have much more influence on your brain the the way you act. Just like girls can be angry about the stupidest things while on their period.
    3. Again, I am not taking his side by any means, just raising an important point of view.
    4. Punishment is not the way of solving the problem. Like detention for not doing your homework will not make you want to do your homework, it may make you being afraid of not doing it but will not make you want to do it. Punishment for this sort of rape (yes. it is rape) will not make the guy want to go to a therapy but is more likely to make him being scared of a relationship, which may make things even worse for him.
    5. It was rape, no argument about it, but both sides have to get help to improve/repair the damage. I feel for the girl and can somewhat relate to it as a victim of physical abuse.... but the things are far more deep here.

    I will not argue, as it won't contribute to the post in any way. I made my point, you may or may not agree with it. just made things more clear now. No arguing. sorry if it hurt someone.
    • #3
    #3

    I dunno how much I agree with these replies. I obviously don't know what the extent was and of course if it made you feel awful and you really didn't want to then definitely report it. But I feel like he's just an immature 15 year old that doesn't understand boundaries yet. Back when I was at school and the boys hadn't matured yet, they did not know how to approach or handle situations. I guess it's bad that it's so common. But I don't know if he should be labelled a full on horrible rapist. I think he probably needs some counselling and educating about consent. And you should probably speak to him about it as well and see if he understands where you're coming from. Boys often do make the first sexual moves because often the girls are too shy and they'll kind of test the waters. I mean yeah he probably should have stopped if you did repeatedly say no, but as a young hormonal immature boy with little sexual experience, he might just not have realised you really meant no. Especially if you continued to kiss him. He might have taken it as a "playing hard to get/too shy for this" 'No'.
    I'm not trying to take his side and say what he did was right. But I'm just thinking back to how immature boys where when I was 14/15. I remember one guy kicking a girl out of his room because she had spiky pubes.
    Bring it up to him and see how he responds. If he doesn't see it as a big deal then he might be a piece of work and in that case you should probably report him.
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    i dont need to argue with you. What youve said is just plain wrong. Its not "unintentional" to ignore someone saying no and to ignore them trying to push you away. No idea why you want to defend a rapist so much

    I deliver training on rape myths, have worked with victims of sexual abuse and rape in multiple capacities since around 2005. I also keep myself up to date on sexual offending research and im telling you, theres no debate here. Theres not biological or hormonal imperative to rape where men find themselves simply unable to stop themselves from ignoring the tears and fear of the girls they rape.

    Also give zero hoots about how being rapist might make him less likely to have a relationship in future. Good. We know re-offending rates are high, lets hope hesitance saves some girls from being raped.

    Im replying to make sure that those reading know that theres no such thing as an accidental rapist. And becoming a rapist isnt like having a crazy period day...jeebus
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    also cant believe youre trying to guilt trip a child into not reporting their rapist because their rapist might feel bad. Human of the year
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    also cant believe youre trying to guilt trip a child into not reporting their rapist because their rapist might feel bad. Human of the year
    I am not saying not to report him, I say I doubt it will benefit either side. Make sure both get treatment.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    also cant believe youre trying to guilt trip a child into not reporting their rapist because their rapist might feel bad. Human of the year
    What would most likely happen to the boy if he does get reported to the police?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What would most likely happen to the boy if he does get reported to the police?
    theres lots of different stages but initially it would just be a chat probably under caution. He may or may not have to give physical evidence swabs, just like the girl.

    Its a long road to get from report to criminal trial. Which is both good and bad. Good because can reassure victim that its not going to snowball uncontrollably. Ive actually been through court process as a rape victim. From report to court was about 11 months and officers checked in with me that i was still okay to continue.

    In reality, many cases do not end up in court. For whatever reason, the cps decide not to continue or the victim decides to stop. Its entirely natural to be worried about what will happen to the boy. I was raped by my then boyfriend and i struggled with a lot of guilt for reporting. Thing is, there are consequences to choosing to rape. I didnt send him to the police, he sent himself by behaving in a heinous and criminal way.
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    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    theres lots of different stages but initially it would just be a chat probably under caution. He may or may not have to give physical evidence swabs, just like the girl.

    Its a long road to get from report to criminal trial. Which is both good and bad. Good because can reassure victim that its not going to snowball uncontrollably. Ive actually been through court process as a rape victim. From report to court was about 11 months and officers checked in with me that i was still okay to continue.
    *hugs* I am very sorry to hear that. I am sorry I hurt you with the things I wrote. *hugs*
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    i wasnt hurt by the things you wrote. I was infuriated that you would use a child's disclosure of rape to peddle a lot of myths and argue the finer points of what quality of life rapists deserve. I actually am a believer in treatment of sexual offenders but it is entirely irrelevant to this thread and not separate to punishment.
 
 
 
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