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I'm pregnant but I'm thinking of getting an abortion watch

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    Hello
    So I am 20 years old. I am pregnant. The guy I was with left me. He is 39 and married with 2 kids however, i was not aware of this. When I confronted him he just dumped me on the spot and ran back to his wife. We were together for a year.

    Obviously now i am pregnant and he does not know and i am not planning on telling him after the way he treated me. I feel like it's just no business of his and i doubt he would give a **** anyway.

    Now I'm just really thinking of an abortion because I am a bit young to have a kid. I Just figured out what i want to do with my life. I am of to uni this September to start a nursing degree which i am looking forward to. And I feel like being pregnant is just going to hold me back and i am gonna miss out.

    Obviously this would be completely different if i were 16 and pregnant. But i am 20. I'm not too young to have a kid it's what my mum tells me. This is true but having a kid would mean i cant put myself anymore and i would have to give up on my dreams and plus i would be a single mum with little support. I really need an outside prespective on whether abortion would be the right move for me or not.
    Thanks x
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    I personally would have an abortion.
    • #2
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello
    So I am 20 years old. I am pregnant. The guy I was with left me. He is 39 and married with 2 kids however, i was not aware of this. When I confronted him he just dumped me on the spot and ran back to his wife. We were together for a year.

    Obviously now i am pregnant and he does not know and i am not planning on telling him after the way he treated me. I feel like it's just no business of his and i doubt he would give a **** anyway.

    Now I'm just really thinking of an abortion because I am a bit young to have a kid. I Just figured out what i want to do with my life. I am of to uni this September to start a nursing degree which i am looking forward to. And I feel like being pregnant is just going to hold me back and i am gonna miss out.

    Obviously this would be completely different if i were 16 and pregnant. But i am 20. I'm not too young to have a kid it's what my mum tells me. This is true but having a kid would mean i cant put myself anymore and i would have to give up on my dreams and plus i would be a single mum with little support. I really need an outside prespective on whether abortion would be the right move for me or not.
    Thanks x
    Have the abortion, it is for the best for yourself.

    You are in no position to look after a child and would end up like most women (including my mum) who struggle to be single parents, it isn't impossible but the child would suffer knowing he was the result of a cheating man that will never want to see him, it'd crush the child.
    • #3
    #3

    I'm so sorry you're in this situation! must be so hard. but I think it sounds like you already know your answer!! do what your gut tells you and good luck xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello
    So I am 20 years old. I am pregnant. The guy I was with left me. He is 39 and married with 2 kids however, i was not aware of this. When I confronted him he just dumped me on the spot and ran back to his wife. We were together for a year.

    Obviously now i am pregnant and he does not know and i am not planning on telling him after the way he treated me. I feel like it's just no business of his and i doubt he would give a **** anyway.

    Now I'm just really thinking of an abortion because I am a bit young to have a kid. I Just figured out what i want to do with my life. I am of to uni this September to start a nursing degree which i am looking forward to. And I feel like being pregnant is just going to hold me back and i am gonna miss out.

    Obviously this would be completely different if i were 16 and pregnant. But i am 20. I'm not too young to have a kid it's what my mum tells me. This is true but having a kid would mean i cant put myself anymore and i would have to give up on my dreams and plus i would be a single mum with little support. I really need an outside prespective on whether abortion would be the right move for me or not.
    Thanks x
    Put yourself and your future first. An abortion IMO would be the best option. You can receive counselling alongside it as well as at University if it effects you personally, but your education is more important because it sets you up for life. It’s not something to feel guilty over, people have abortions at aged 30 because it’s just not the right time - emotionally, financially. A child is a big commitment at 20 when you have no financial stability and no partner to support you with this, so I would say abortion is best.
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    It sounds like nothing is telling you that you want this baby. Act fast if you want an abortion, the quicker you do it the better.

    Mums can have their own motives, desire for a GC, eagerness to keep you close and dependent on her support.

    You must make this huge decision alone sadly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hello
    So I am 20 years old. I am pregnant. The guy I was with left me. He is 39 and married with 2 kids however, i was not aware of this. When I confronted him he just dumped me on the spot and ran back to his wife. We were together for a year.

    Obviously now i am pregnant and he does not know and i am not planning on telling him after the way he treated me. I feel like it's just no business of his and i doubt he would give a **** anyway.

    Now I'm just really thinking of an abortion because I am a bit young to have a kid. I Just figured out what i want to do with my life. I am of to uni this September to start a nursing degree which i am looking forward to. And I feel like being pregnant is just going to hold me back and i am gonna miss out.

    Obviously this would be completely different if i were 16 and pregnant. But i am 20. I'm not too young to have a kid it's what my mum tells me. This is true but having a kid would mean i cant put myself anymore and i would have to give up on my dreams and plus i would be a single mum with little support. I really need an outside prespective on whether abortion would be the right move for me or not.
    Thanks x
    You sound sure in your own mind what is the right decision for you. Listen to your gut, look after yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. Accidents happen and abortions are very common - one in three British women have them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    And don't worry about not telling the ******* who got you pregnant - you have no moral or legal obligation to him. Put him in the past and move forward with your life. Enjoy the nursing degree!
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    between family and friends you will have loads of support. I couldn't believe the support we have got. granted it's easier for me being married but I'm hoping to head to uni in Sept, my wife works full time so we will also have to really organise to make sure we are on top of things and it sounds like you will have your mother. it's your choice at the end of the day but remember while your ex is an ass your baby is half yours and I think a lot of people forget that. the child will be yours, your flesh and blood and I would fear that having an abortion would be more regrettable than what you'll miss by being a single mother at uni. you will love your baby as soon as he/She is born and you'll know then you made a great choice. ultimately it's up to you and I wish you all the luck in the world.
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    • #4
    #4

    It's an unfortunate situation. I suggest you speak to women who have had abortions previously. I'm sure you're aware, but it isn't as easy as it has been sold, I've seen how it can really affect women who have gone through with it, who regret it. Many people justify it as just being a clump of cells, but true as that may be, they are a separate human growing inside you. I think anyone who says abortion is good is evil and manipulative, it isn't good, it's emotionally painful and the termination of a human life. It isn't good, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have one, there are many things which are bad, but preferable to the alternative. However I would argue that it is undoubtedly a separate human, with it's own unique genome and is alive in the sense of MRS GREN, and if that is the case then should a human die because of this unfortunate situation, would that not just add to the negativity of the situation?
    I understand the challenges that you would face as a single mother and how they can be scary, but there will be support, and if you are a good parent that can be overcome with good support system of family and friends, and I promise the way you'll feel when you have your child in your arms will put things in perspective. Seeing a newborn baby is one of the most wonderful things in this world.
    You may still be able to do the degree or postpone it and do it in later life, and you will be able to do it in later life. Because of my father, my mother didn't go to university from college, but after having me and after the divorce she went to uni and now has a Masters and a whole host of other qualifications too.
    I also think you should tell the father. I understand why don't want to, but I think he should know. I lost my first child to an abortion, and it haunts me. As much as I disliked the mother, I would've done what I could for the child, but I had no say and now I have to live with the consequences of my irresponsibility. I would urge you to live with the consequences of your irresponsibility, and it is irresponsibility as you clearly had no intention of conceiving a child, and do your best to raise this child and not end a life because you were irresponsible and want to avoid the consequences.

    I have tried to give a fair point of view, I honestly want the best of this unfortunate situation, and though i understand if you disagree, I will do all I can to promote a culture of life and responsibility. I truly hope this helps and I do not judge you, and no one should judge you. I would also recommend that you watch some debates on the matter and talk to a range of women who have had the abortion, and really think about this, and hope that whatever you choose, you don't regret your decision.

    I wish you the very best in this challenging time x
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    I would get an abortion. You have uni to think about and after that you can have a child with a partner who supports and loves you
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    I would give this a lot of thought, and do what Anonymous 4 suggests about speaking to people who've had abortions previously.
    You may just end up miscarrying which would be better really.
    What you don't want is to regret not giving this kid a chance at life. Have you considered going through with it, but giving up the kid for adoption?
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    I'm 20 with two kids under the age of 2 and I know you didn't mean to be offensive, but saying you'd have to give up on your dreams to have a child is a bit offensive. Yes, life gets harder but its not impossible. Asking peoples opinions is the wrong thing to do, because people have their own biases on what they would do if it was them. But its NOT their life, its yours. I had to put some of my ambitions on hold to have my kids, I'll admit but 20 is still young so it's not going to be detrimental to your future if you hold off. Not just that, you can take a break once you've started uni anyway to have the child if you didn't choose an abortion. But its ultimately your choice and theres no right or wrong. Just know that you need to have a serious think about it because if you choose an abortion and regret it, theres no going back.
    You wouldn't be the first single mum and you won't be the last.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by laebae)
    You sound sure in your own mind what is the right decision for you. Listen to your gut, look after yourself and don't beat yourself up too much. Accidents happen and abortions are very common - one in three British women have them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    And don't worry about not telling the ******* who got you pregnant - you have no moral or legal obligation to him. Put him in the past and move forward with your life. Enjoy the nursing degree!
    I hope you're just ignorant and not malicious. To say that there's nothing wrong is a lie, and a harmful one, I know women who were sold that lie and regret their decisions. It is at best the lesser of two evils.
    The statistic doesn't mean it's good, one in four people are not just overweight, but obese, doesn't make it suddenly healthy, it shows there is something sorely wrong with the culture. I'm not trying to be judgemental, I know people make mistakes, but there are plenty of forms of contraception, so there isn't an excuse, we need to be responsible for our actions.

    Beyond that, it is the termination of another human, and that is immoral. I'd love to hear your argument for abortion. I will never stop someone, but I will always discourage it and promote a culture of life instead.
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    dont be a baby murderer
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by GalGirl101)
    I would get an abortion. You have uni to think about and after that you can have a child with a partner who supports and loves you
    Conversely, 'I wouldn't go to uni. You have a child to think about and when they're older you can go to uni as a proud mother of a wonderful and loving child'
    There's always another perspective. It depends on your priorities and values. I would rather promote a culture of life and responsibility than death and recklessness. I'm not judging your opinions, but abortion is far more serious and heartbreaking than anyone in this thread advocating it seems to convey. I jut hope this woman comes to the right decision for her and she has no regret or shame.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Mair18919)
    It sounds like nothing is telling you that you want this baby. Act fast if you want an abortion, the quicker you do it the better.

    Mums can have their own motives, desire for a GC, eagerness to keep you close and dependent on her support.

    You must make this huge decision alone sadly.
    True, or they could want what is best for their daughter and grandchild. And this is a decision that is hugely important, and needs the proper amount of consideration, quicker is easier for avoiding guilt, but better? arguable.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by CWilliamson)
    I'm 20 with two kids under the age of 2 and I know you didn't mean to be offensive, but saying you'd have to give up on your dreams to have a child is a bit offensive. Yes, life gets harder but its not impossible. Asking peoples opinions is the wrong thing to do, because people have their own biases on what they would do if it was them. But its NOT their life, its yours. I had to put some of my ambitions on hold to have my kids, I'll admit but 20 is still young so it's not going to be detrimental to your future if you hold off. Not just that, you can take a break once you've started uni anyway to have the child if you didn't choose an abortion. But its ultimately your choice and theres no right or wrong. Just know that you need to have a serious think about it because if you choose an abortion and regret it, theres no going back.
    You wouldn't be the first single mum and you won't be the last.
    I'm sorry if I came across offensive, I really didn't mean to. There are a lot of wonderful young mums like you who are strong enough to take on this responsibility and i feel I'm just not one of them. I'm sure having a child is beautiful thing and i would like to experience it but not so early on in my life. I do adore the family life. If im gonna have a child i would rather be it with someone i love. I would want to be financially stable etc that's why I just feel I'm not ready.

    Do you mind if i ask if you're a single mum yourself? And do you have a lot support from family and friends? Taking into account we are the same age and you're a young mum yourself i'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from x
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    I would do it for sure.

    Alternatively, have the baby and find a foster family.

    Every time you wear protection or she uses a morning after pill or whatever, you're essentially preventing a life from being created too. But eveyrone does that. I would just do it fukit.
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    Have the abortion
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    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by CWilliamson)
    I'm 20 with two kids under the age of 2 and I know you didn't mean to be offensive, but saying you'd have to give up on your dreams to have a child is a bit offensive. Yes, life gets harder but its not impossible. Asking peoples opinions is the wrong thing to do, because people have their own biases on what they would do if it was them. But its NOT their life, its yours. I had to put some of my ambitions on hold to have my kids, I'll admit but 20 is still young so it's not going to be detrimental to your future if you hold off. Not just that, you can take a break once you've started uni anyway to have the child if you didn't choose an abortion. But its ultimately your choice and theres no right or wrong. Just know that you need to have a serious think about it because if you choose an abortion and regret it, theres no going back.
    You wouldn't be the first single mum and you won't be the last.
    Congratulations! I wish you the best and you are right, though listening to people can be helpful, a decision made with bad information is likely a bad decision. I would disagree that there is no right or wrong, but I guess that's the bias coming through. But the point about regret and not going back is something to keep in mind.
 
 
 
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