Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

how to cope with bf asking girls for nudes. watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    basically a few months ago i went on my bfs tumblr by accident as i was trying to log into my own on his computer and noticed he had a load of messages asking other women on tumblr for nudes and he had another account dedicated to asking for them to join a nsfw groupchat on kik. after finding this out i was devastated, it ended at the start of last year and we have been dating for two years. we decided to try and make things work again and i know i'm a fool but i really want to put the past behind us. how do i stop feeling threatened every time he goes on tumblr?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    That feeling will probably never truly go away, and he should understand that. He broke your trust and he needs to try to get it back!
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Dump him.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    basically a few months ago i went on my bfs tumblr by accident as i was trying to log into my own on his computer and noticed he had a load of messages asking other women on tumblr for nudes and he had another account dedicated to asking for them to join a nsfw groupchat on kik. after finding this out i was devastated, it ended at the start of last year and we have been dating for two years. we decided to try and make things work again and i know i'm a fool but i really want to put the past behind us. how do i stop feeling threatened every time he goes on tumblr?
    I'm actually in a slightly similar position in that I discovered a few months ago that my boyfriend was running a porn tumblr account.
    It wasn't anything too terrible but it did take me quite by surprise! The thing that really hurt my feelings is that I found the occasional text post on there complaining about me, specifically the lack of sex he believes he gets - thank God it was an anonymous account.

    Although there are other things between us it has largely ruined the relationship and whilst we're stringing it along just now - I think we both know that at a certain point this is going to have to come to an end.
    Offline

    6
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with the first post, he broke your trust and he has to win it back, and as for yourself, just think of it as something that is not worth your time and piece of mind. If you can't get past (and I don't blame you if you can't) than its most likely the relationship won't work out again. In relationships, mistakes will be made and we decide if we are going to stick through it or cut it. It all depends on the situation. This one isn't as bad as a full on cheating but it is still being dishonest to you.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    Why are you with him?
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    The mistake was taking him back.

    What's a relationship without trust?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm actually in a slightly similar position in that I discovered a few months ago that my boyfriend was running a porn tumblr account.
    It wasn't anything too terrible but it did take me quite by surprise! The thing that really hurt my feelings is that I found the occasional text post on there complaining about me, specifically the lack of sex he believes he gets - thank God it was an anonymous account.

    Although there are other things between us it has largely ruined the relationship and whilst we're stringing it along just now - I think we both know that at a certain point this is going to have to come to an end.
    it's awful isn't it. i just want to try and make it work, does your bf still go on tumblr?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Not really sure why you're with him to be honest.
    If he deleted tumblr account then fair enough, but if he's still on it,why are you with him?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    basically a few months ago i went on my bfs tumblr by accident as i was trying to log into my own on his computer and noticed he had a load of messages asking other women on tumblr for nudes and he had another account dedicated to asking for them to join a nsfw groupchat on kik. after finding this out i was devastated, it ended at the start of last year and we have been dating for two years. we decided to try and make things work again and i know i'm a fool but i really want to put the past behind us. how do i stop feeling threatened every time he goes on tumblr?
    You can't is the short answer.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Let's be clear about this, you're not happy with him, and he broke an important rule of your relationship (I assume that because you never mentioned that you were open about these things). You should also know that you can't dictate his life, and he can't dictate your's. When you're away from him, you will never know for sure what he's doing, and he has complete free will. Also, you've just caught him, which likely means that he'll just be more careful about his undercover pervert operations from now on. This also means though, that you can do the same as well. I do not want to give ideas, but if what he's doing does not count as cheating according to him, then let the same rules apply to yourself. If you really want to make it work but at the same time, want to cancel out his wrongdoings by getting even, that's entirely your choice. If you want to just blindly trust him again, that is also your choice. I would, however, suggest that you break up. I understand that you're not happy, and by the looks of things, neither is he. If you two were truly happy, I don't see how this incident would've ever occurred. No matter what reason he gives, if you're not happy with the relationship, it's best to end it.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    you're a fool to try putting it behind you. dump him and move on.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's awful isn't it. i just want to try and make it work, does your bf still go on tumblr?
    Well... I'm not terribly sure if I'm honest.
    I've never seen him on Tumblr since then but he is increasingly in the habit of messaging girls on Instagram now. I've seen some of those messages through accidental, I suppose you could call it that, glances at his phone whilst he's using it.

    Those messages are innocent enough but I question his motives for sending them. All of the trust has evaporated from the relationship, especially on my side, and although we're both very good at pretending nothing is wrong... I would be pretty amazed to find out that my current boyfriend is the man I end up marrying.

    I feel like he actually does want to rebuild that trust and make the relationship work but I think he just can't help himself but violate it.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by waggonerchris)
    This also means though, that you can do the same as well. I do not want to give ideas, but if what he's doing does not count as cheating according to him, then let the same rules apply to yourself.
    This is obviously true but OP, please do not just adopt your boyfriend's behaviour.

    If your goal is to fix the relationship then it definitely wont accomplish that and if your goal is to get out of the relationship cleanly, and with a clear, good conscience that it was his behaviour that ruined it - then it's going to make that unlikely also.

    Fix it or end it: don't play with it.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    dump the d*ckhead and move on. You deserve way better
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Dump him!
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    dump the sloot
    • #3
    #3

    Dump him. I swear you or someone else has been making similar threads like this for a few months. If it's still as much of a problem now as it was a few moths ago then realistically you're never going to get over it. And I don't blame you either because he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. He is not loyal.
    • #4
    #4

    Honey get rid of this man's. He been secretive in the past and he hasn't won ur trust back. Dump him, block him, and get someone who makes u feel safe in that relationship, like they aren't gonna do some sneak **** behind your back.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 11, 2018
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.