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Is it dishonest to be in a relationship with someone you're not sexually attracted to watch

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    I fancied my ex as a person, even before we got together. Didn't fancy anything particular about his looks. It was mostly his confidence and personality, and he did have a nice face as well.

    The relationship was great but during sex I was never turned on by him. I've been with other guys and have been sexually attracted to them. But not this guy. I would still enjoy sex though and want to have it because I enjoyed the intimacy but it would never do anything for me. I also never finished which I think was probably a bit sh*t for him. But it wasn't that he was bad in bed, I just wasn't turned on by him really. I never really wanted to rip his clothes off or anything like that.

    It's confusing though because there was nothing wrong with his body, it was just normal, but there was also nothing I was crazy about.
    I definitely didn't just see him in a platonic way either.

    Anyway the relationship ended because of other reasons and it was him that dumped me. Decent breakup, nothing bad, it was just he was moving away.

    I'm still in love with him and I would love to be together with him again. And I know he wants to give things another go as well.

    I'm over all my other exes. Some before him and one that I was kind of seeing after him. But I just can't shake him out of my mind.

    But the reason why I'm not letting myself get back with him is because I think it's a bit dishonest if I'm not sexually attracted to him. Can it be a proper relationship?
    • #2
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    I find I become sexually attracted over time to someone if I really like them, rather than an initial omph.
    Way I often think is that when you get older and looks fade who they are is so much more important, but it’s something you’ll have to think about because if it’s really important to you it may never work.
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    • #3
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    Keep it going with him for awhile. He must be very happy. I don't like my looks, but I would love to date someone that likes me for my personality. I feel everyone has someone that is made for them. If you still don't like his looks in a while, then break it off. You could be holding him back from finding his true love, and he could be holding you back from your true love.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I fancied my ex as a person, even before we got together. Didn't fancy anything particular about his looks. It was mostly his confidence and personality, and he did have a nice face as well.

    The relationship was great but during sex I was never turned on by him. I've been with other guys and have been sexually attracted to them. But not this guy. I would still enjoy sex though and want to have it because I enjoyed the intimacy but it would never do anything for me. I also never finished which I think was probably a bit sh*t for him. But it wasn't that he was bad in bed, I just wasn't turned on by him really. I never really wanted to rip his clothes off or anything like that.

    It's confusing though because there was nothing wrong with his body, it was just normal, but there was also nothing I was crazy about.
    I definitely didn't just see him in a platonic way either.

    Anyway the relationship ended because of other reasons and it was him that dumped me. Decent breakup, nothing bad, it was just he was moving away.

    I'm still in love with him and I would love to be together with him again. And I know he wants to give things another go as well.

    I'm over all my other exes. Some before him and one that I was kind of seeing after him. But I just can't shake him out of my mind.

    But the reason why I'm not letting myself get back with him is because I think it's a bit dishonest if I'm not sexually attracted to him. Can it be a proper relationship?
    A relationship built on personality rather than purely physical attraction will last longer and be stronger, looks will deteriorate.
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    OP, you're making the right decision in not getting back together with him. I admire your integrity on this.
    Sexual incompatibility is a show stopper in romantic relationships.

    Find someone with just as good a personality to whom you are sexually attracted. You may have to do some sifting, as they aren't ten a penny, but it will be worthwhile when you do eventually meet your second half.
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    It ultimately depends on how important being sexually attracted to him is for you. I don’t think it’s necessarily dishonest as there comes a time for most long-lived couples (especially if they’re old) where no or little sexual attraction will remain, yet love does.
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    Of course you can still have a relationship. Sexual attraction may be hugely important to other people but it seems like it doesn't bother you that much.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Of course you can still have a relationship. Sexual attraction may be hugely important to other people but it seems like it doesn't bother you that much.
    Hmm yeah it's just confusing and I don't know if I want to risk getting back into a relationship that isn't 100% perfect (obviously 100 is impossible but I just mean everything else is perfect apart from sexual attraction) and then it end again.
    I think what was holding me back sexually was that he wasn't very "masculine". Probably sounds bad. Now that it's been two years, he looks older and more mature which helps, but I still don't know if I can risk it.
    He's the only one of my exes I would actually love to get married to and start a family with but I feel like there'd always be this hole in this relationship because of the sexual side. For both of us as he can't please me either.
    I think maybe this relationship was very good but just not the right one. If it was then he wouldn't have broken up with me in the first place when he moved abroad. And we probably both deserve to be with someone who can give us what we want sexually.
    Still sad though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hmm yeah it's just confusing and I don't know if I want to risk getting back into a relationship that isn't 100% perfect (obviously 100 is impossible but I just mean everything else is perfect apart from sexual attraction) and then it end again.
    I think what was holding me back sexually was that he wasn't very "masculine". Probably sounds bad. Now that it's been two years, he looks older and more mature which helps, but I still don't know if I can risk it.
    He's the only one of my exes I would actually love to get married to and start a family with but I feel like there'd always be this hole in this relationship because of the sexual side. For both of us as he can't please me either.
    I think maybe this relationship was very good but just not the right one. If it was then he wouldn't have broken up with me in the first place when he moved abroad. And we probably both deserve to be with someone who can give us what we want sexually.
    Still sad though
    That's true, it is a sad situation. I hope you can find happiness whatever happens
    • #4
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    (Original post by Bio 7)
    A relationship built on personality rather than purely physical attraction will last longer and be stronger, looks will deteriorate.
    this is just something ugly people tell themselves to reassure themselves
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    this is just something ugly people tell themselves to reassure themselves
    So you really think that two people with opposing personalities but good looks can maintain a relationship longer than two people that have many common interests and have similar views?
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    Considering its your ex maybe you are attracted to him (either physically or personally) and you just dont realise.
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    (Original post by johnny.snow)
    Considering its your ex maybe you are attracted to him (either physically or personally) and you just dont realise.
    How do you mean? I was romantically attracted to him and thought he was physically good looking, but didn't feel anything particularly sexual towards him like I have with other people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How do you mean? I was romantically attracted to him and thought he was physically good looking, but didn't feel anything particularly sexual towards him like I have with other people.
    well if you're romantic attraction is enough for you to want to be with your ex then surely it doesnt really matter how sexually attracted you are
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    (Original post by johnny.snow)
    well if you're romantic attraction is enough for you to want to be with your ex then surely it doesnt really matter how sexually attracted you are
    Yeah to me sex isn't that big of a deal. But I think it'd be unfair on him as he deserves a relationship with someone who is sexually attracted and does want to rip his clothes off etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I fancied my ex as a person, even before we got together. Didn't fancy anything particular about his looks. It was mostly his confidence and personality, and he did have a nice face as well.

    The relationship was great but during sex I was never turned on by him. I've been with other guys and have been sexually attracted to them. But not this guy. I would still enjoy sex though and want to have it because I enjoyed the intimacy but it would never do anything for me. I also never finished which I think was probably a bit sh*t for him. But it wasn't that he was bad in bed, I just wasn't turned on by him really. I never really wanted to rip his clothes off or anything like that.

    It's confusing though because there was nothing wrong with his body, it was just normal, but there was also nothing I was crazy about.
    I definitely didn't just see him in a platonic way either.

    Anyway the relationship ended because of other reasons and it was him that dumped me. Decent breakup, nothing bad, it was just he was moving away.

    I'm still in love with him and I would love to be together with him again. And I know he wants to give things another go as well.

    I'm over all my other exes. Some before him and one that I was kind of seeing after him. But I just can't shake him out of my mind.

    But the reason why I'm not letting myself get back with him is because I think it's a bit dishonest if I'm not sexually attracted to him. Can it be a proper relationship?
    yeah, you should try and be a proper couple and you should give him another chance to shine. if you dont get turned on sexually the next time then i would recommend you look for another boyfriend
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah to me sex isn't that big of a deal. But I think it'd be unfair on him as he deserves a relationship with someone who is sexually attracted and does want to rip his clothes off etc.
    Hmmm. The only way to know is ask him tbh
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    (Original post by SPooks234456789)
    yeah, you should try and be a proper couple and you should give him another chance to shine. if you dont get turned on sexually the next time then i would recommend you look for another boyfriend
    Yeah I was thinking maybe things would be different if I did gives things another go as he has matured and looks older. But I don't even know whether to risk going back to that chapter again or just continue trying to move on. Was very heartbroken you see.
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    Sexual attraction is half physical and half personality. I think the combined score has to exceed a certain threshold. It won't work with someone you don't rate at all either physically or personality wise.
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    This is kind of tough to answer. It really depends on you and how you feel. If you feel that he deserves someone who loves him completely, physically, sexually and personality wise and you can't give him that love than I think you might just have your answer. I think you should talk with him first though and see what he wants out of the relationship and what you want out of the relationship. What is important to him and what is important to you. And discuss all the issues. There really is no other way of getting the response you want besides talking it out with him. Hope this helps.
 
 
 
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