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Boyfriend won't lend me money because ... watch

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    Hey guys!

    So here's a quick scenario. Been together for almost a year, love each other to death, and I kinda am in a situation where I need to borrow some amount of money. I hate asking for ppl cuz I've never honestly borrowed from anyone.

    My bf has this philosophy that our money is one so there's no difference between his money or my money, therefore, we never split our money when we're out, usually he pays all or I pay all.. except when we're with friends, then we obviously all split.

    Anyway, so currently I'm in need of some money and I had to turn to my bf for this. He's like I'm prepared to give you whatever amount you want but I won't because I know you will give it back and I can't accept money from you. I'm like wtf Peter, I'm not going to take money from you just like that and not pay you back... he's like there's no difference between us, I'm like I know but still.. he's like I know if I asked you for money, you won't accept letting me pay it back to you...

    Anyway, we had an argument about this and I just don't get him.. it's really upsetting tbh.. I'm 6 years older than him yet he makes more than I do yet I feel like I'm the one who should take care of him (we're both guys btw). He doesnt want me to think of this as "borrowing" cuz he'll happily give me the money but he doesnt want it back otherwise he'll be really upset... and I can't not pay him back because that's just not who I am.. and he's like even if you don't give me back the cash you took, I know you will buy me something worth the same amount of money (which is true, cuz I was thinking if he doesnt take back the money, I'll get him smt worth that value)..

    Anyway, I had to ask a close friend for that amount of money and I feel really embarrassed for asking her but I have no choice... so what I'm really asking is this, is it unreasonable and silly to what my bf is doing? Who's side are you on and who's right here? And no, not paying him back is not an option, because no matter who it is, I don't like borrowing something from someone and not giving it back to them...
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    If he believes the money is both of yours, then why do you have to ask for money that he believes is yours too? Why not get a joint bank account if the money is jointly owned by both of you?
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    If he believes the money is both of yours, then why do you have to ask for money that he believes is yours too? Why not get a joint bank account if the money is jointly owned by both of you?
    because he told me "if I give you the money, I know you will pay it back to me and I won't accept it". So yeah
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    because he told me "if I give you the money, I know you will pay it back to me and I won't accept it". So yeah
    Yes I read the post. But why does he need to give you the money if it belongs to you as well? Surely if he believes you both own it, then you can take it because it belongs to you too. Why is he withholding what he believes is your money too from you?
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    If he believes the money is both of yours, then why do you have to ask for money that he believes is yours too? Why not get a joint bank account if the money is jointly owned by both of you?
    Even then, she'd have to consult him before taking a considerable amount of it because it'd be his as well as hers.
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    (Original post by It's****ingWOODY)
    Even then, she'd have to consult him before taking a considerable amount of it because it'd be his as well as hers.
    Yeah he would.
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    Why not just accept the money and not pay him back? Sounds like you're making this a lot harder for yourself than it actually is
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys!

    So here's a quick scenario. Been together for almost a year, love each other to death, and I kinda am in a situation where I need to borrow some amount of money. I hate asking for ppl cuz I've never honestly borrowed from anyone.

    My bf has this philosophy that our money is one so there's no difference between his money or my money, therefore, we never split our money when we're out, usually he pays all or I pay all.. except when we're with friends, then we obviously all split.

    Anyway, so currently I'm in need of some money and I had to turn to my bf for this. He's like I'm prepared to give you whatever amount you want but I won't because I know you will give it back and I can't accept money from you. I'm like wtf Peter, I'm not going to take money from you just like that and not pay you back... he's like there's no difference between us, I'm like I know but still.. he's like I know if I asked you for money, you won't accept letting me pay it back to you...

    Anyway, we had an argument about this and I just don't get him.. it's really upsetting tbh.. I'm 6 years older than him yet he makes more than I do yet I feel like I'm the one who should take care of him (we're both guys btw). He doesnt want me to think of this as "borrowing" cuz he'll happily give me the money but he doesnt want it back otherwise he'll be really upset... and I can't not pay him back because that's just not who I am.. and he's like even if you don't give me back the cash you took, I know you will buy me something worth the same amount of money (which is true, cuz I was thinking if he doesnt take back the money, I'll get him smt worth that value)..

    Anyway, I had to ask a close friend for that amount of money and I feel really embarrassed for asking her but I have no choice... so what I'm really asking is this, is it unreasonable and silly to what my bf is doing? Who's side are you on and who's right here? And no, not paying him back is not an option, because no matter who it is, I don't like borrowing something from someone and not giving it back to them...
    All a bit of a polava.

    How much money?

    Just borrow the money.

    Repay the money into a bank account into his name or somewhere separate. That way you know its available of needed. You get the feeling he hasnt bought you.

    If you get married then put it into the joint account.

    If you break up then give it back.

    Drama over.
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Why not just accept the money and not pay him back? Sounds like you're making this a lot harder for yourself than it actually is
    honestly speaking, I wasn't raised to borrow money from ppl, let alone simply taking the money and not paying him back! To him, it's our money, but there's no way I'm going to let him give me such a big amount without him accepting the money back. So I dunno, it reached a point where I don't feel like asking him for any money because I know if I do, he won't take it back.. anyway, this is all too frustrating and it's making my head spin
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    (Original post by DrawTheLine)
    Yes I read the post. But why does he need to give you the money if it belongs to you as well? Surely if he believes you both own it, then you can take it because it belongs to you too. Why is he withholding what he believes is your money too from you?
    that's what I told him.. he's like"exactly so why do you want to pay yourself back? it doesnt make sense" :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    honestly speaking, I wasn't raised to borrow money from ppl, let alone simply taking the money and not paying him back! To him, it's our money, but there's no way I'm going to let him give me such a big amount without him accepting the money back. So I dunno, it reached a point where I don't feel like asking him for any money because I know if I do, he won't take it back.. anyway, this is all too frustrating and it's making my head spin
    You're just going to have to suck it up and live without the money then
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    This isn't about money. It's about asserting control in your relationship, and your bf is currently dominant. Your views and preferences are being overruled, and this is causing you anxiety. You both need to negotiate a middle ground that works equally for you, if you're interested in restoring balance to the relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey guys!

    So here's a quick scenario. Been together for almost a year, love each other to death, and I kinda am in a situation where I need to borrow some amount of money. I hate asking for ppl cuz I've never honestly borrowed from anyone.

    My bf has this philosophy that our money is one so there's no difference between his money or my money, therefore, we never split our money when we're out, usually he pays all or I pay all.. except when we're with friends, then we obviously all split.

    Anyway, so currently I'm in need of some money and I had to turn to my bf for this. He's like I'm prepared to give you whatever amount you want but I won't because I know you will give it back and I can't accept money from you. I'm like wtf Peter, I'm not going to take money from you just like that and not pay you back... he's like there's no difference between us, I'm like I know but still.. he's like I know if I asked you for money, you won't accept letting me pay it back to you...

    Anyway, we had an argument about this and I just don't get him.. it's really upsetting tbh.. I'm 6 years older than him yet he makes more than I do yet I feel like I'm the one who should take care of him (we're both guys btw). He doesnt want me to think of this as "borrowing" cuz he'll happily give me the money but he doesnt want it back otherwise he'll be really upset... and I can't not pay him back because that's just not who I am.. and he's like even if you don't give me back the cash you took, I know you will buy me something worth the same amount of money (which is true, cuz I was thinking if he doesnt take back the money, I'll get him smt worth that value)..

    Anyway, I had to ask a close friend for that amount of money and I feel really embarrassed for asking her but I have no choice... so what I'm really asking is this, is it unreasonable and silly to what my bf is doing? Who's side are you on and who's right here? And no, not paying him back is not an option, because no matter who it is, I don't like borrowing something from someone and not giving it back to them...
    Just take the money if you share money, stop being weird.
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    (Original post by paul514)
    Just take the money if you share money, stop being weird.
    I'm not used to taking things from ppl
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    (Original post by DrSocSciences)
    This isn't about money. It's about asserting control in your relationship, and your bf is currently dominant. Your views and preferences are being overruled, and this is causing you anxiety. You both need to negotiate a middle ground that works equally for you, if you're interested in restoring balance to the relationship.
    you really think so? I haven't thought of it in this way. Omg :/
 
 
 
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