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Been talking for three weeks and he says he loves me? watch

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    Okay. So, I've been friends with this guy for about a year and a half but we've only really gotten close this past month. And despite what the title may suggest, I really like him! I like his company, and I love talking to him, and I think there's potential for me to see him as more than a friend. However, today, he told me he had something to tell me. I kind of saw it coming and expected him to confess that he had feelings (which I was fine with) and he ended up doing so, but added that he thought he loved me (I feel like I should mention that we're both eighteen - so naive conceptions of love should be outgrown by now). I told him that I don't think what he's feeling is love and I don't think he was very convinced. I'm conflicted because I can sense that this can lead to misguided and overwhelming attachment and that really scares me and puts me off (because I've been in a situation where the same thing has happened before and it was a disaster) but I don't know how to approach it or make him slow down a bit and I don't want to hurt him either by completely rejecting him. Please help!!!
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    pleeeeaase help
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    pleeeeaase help
    ' so naive conceptions of love should be outgrown by now '

    That's an ironic statement in of itself!

    If you don't want a relationship - just tell him.
    You'll hurt his feelings even more if you lead him on.
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    if u cheat on her and feel so guilty that you regret it then you love her too, but if you dont feel guilty you dont love her back.
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    I would tell him that you aren't ready for a relationship and that you need time. Do you think that you like this guy more than a friend? If you reject him, what will that mean for your friendship?
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    (Original post by Tómas)
    ' so naive conceptions of love should be outgrown by now '

    That's an ironic statement in of itself!

    If you don't want a relationship - just tell him.
    You'll hurt his feelings even more if you lead him on.
    How is the first statement ironic? I have told him that I don't want a relationship but I also want to be able to express my more-than-platonic appreciation for him, but I don't think that'd be a good idea if he thinks he "loves" me.
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    (Original post by Jackmo1112)
    if u cheat on her and feel so guilty that you regret it then you love her too, but if you dont feel guilty you dont love her back.
    wrong thread dude
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    wrong thread dude
    NO mate
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    wrong thread dude
    Oh sorry i was meant to send that to my dad about me mum
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    How is the first statement ironic? I have told him that I don't want a relationship but I also want to be able to express my more-than-platonic appreciation for him, but I don't think that'd be a good if he thinks he "loves" me.
    Transparency is all you need Just tell him exactly how you feel.
    At the end of the day its about you, and how you will feel. If he doesn't take too well to it(It being rejection or telling him to slow down), then what can you do ?
    Better than you being in a relationship where you do not enjoy it.
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    I would tell him that you aren't ready for a relationship and that you need time. Do you think that you like this guy more than a friend? If you reject him, what will that mean for your friendship?
    I think I do definitely feel something for him that transcends platonic affection but I don't want that to develop into a full-blown relationship and I have reason to think that - we're both graduating in 3 months and then we'll most likely see each other only once a year. I just want to be able to be open about my feelings but not to the point where we're 100% committed to each other. I don't know if we can reach this midpoint though, and if we can't, I'd rather be friends. Am I being selfish?
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    (Original post by Tómas)
    Transparency is all you need Just tell him exactly how you feel.
    At the end of the day its about you, and how you will feel. If he doesn't take too well to it(It being rejection or telling him to slow down), then what can you do ?
    Better than you being in a relationship where you do not enjoy it.
    You're right. It just sucks that this looks like it's not going to work out

    And thank you for responding to me!!
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    I think I do definitely feel something for him that transcends platonic affection but I don't want that to develop into a full-blown relationship and I have reason to think that - we're both graduating in 3 months and then we'll most likely see each other only once a year. I just want to be able to be open about my feelings but not to the point where we're 100% committed to each other. I don't know if we can reach this midpoint though, and if we can't, I'd rather be friends. Am I being selfish?
    I don't think so - a long distance relationship is hard to maintain. I would talk to your friend about this so he understands the situation from your side. It may be that you decide to have a short term relationship whilst you are still in the same town, decide to make a go of things and see what happens or you decide to stay friends.
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    (Original post by jvinmurrey)
    You're right. It just sucks that this looks like it's not going to work out

    And thank you for responding to me!!
    Anytime.
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    Be honest with him, tell him how you feel. Maybe you've given off certain signs that now he feels like he wants a relationship, or that you might want one. Just be honest honey, it'll all be okay
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    I don't think so - a long distance relationship is hard to maintain. I would talk to your friend about this so he understands the situation from your side. It may be that you decide to have a short term relationship whilst you are still in the same town, decide to make a go of things and see what happens or you decide to stay friends.
    Thank you for your advice. I ended up talking to him. I'll post like a little update in a minute.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Be honest with him, tell him how you feel. Maybe you've given off certain signs that now he feels like he wants a relationship, or that you might want one. Just be honest honey, it'll all be okay
    thank you!! I needed that "it'll be okay" @ the end for some reason. Honesty really is the best and only way to go when it comes to stuff like this.
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    Okay. So I talked to him and I'm just...completely disillusioned. He really seemed like someone who'd for once, prioritize rationality and well-being, and understand what I'm feeling and why I feel it but he ended up responding to me saying a relationship won't work by stating "all of this doesn't seem to have stopped you last year" (which was when I got into my first relationship). That really hurt, seeing as that experience ended up being one of the worst I've had in my life and that I regret wholeheartedly. I guess maybe he doesn't realize the extent to which it was unpleasant but I don't know. I feel like he's made it clear that he can't get it. And that sucks. I really should've been smarter with the way I went about this.
 
 
 
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