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What to say back to people undermining you? watch

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    #1

    So I used to be shy and quiet.

    However there are family members saying "I don't talk" or "he doesn't communicate".

    I talk to them when I see them, when they come to my house, when I go to their house.

    They don't really talk to me.

    In parties, social functions I'm the one who goes on my own and shakes people's hands first and also talk to other people. They see this too.

    Yes I used to be very quiet, but they are putting me down now by saying "I don't talk" etc.

    So what can I say back?
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    Reply to them, that’s because I can’t get a word in with you.
    • #2
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    Just don’t visit family? I presume you clearly don’t come from a white family. Family is for Christmas and special events only. The rest of the time keep yourself to yourself with close knit friends. Just talk with mum and dad the most.
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    If you have a reserved personality then you have a reserved personality. Changing it would be wrong. As long as you are not rude there should not be a problem with it.
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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    They say it to put me down.
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    How do you know they say it to put you down? It may be a defence on their part?; that is they peceive a lack of communication between you and them, for whatever reason, and they react to that perceived situation with "you don't talk" as a way of defending themselves (because they feel uncomfortable with that situation, or feel slighted), they themselves are part of that lack of communication (communicaton or the lack of communication takes at least two parties). So they defend themselves.

    Maybe if you could somehow just feel more comfortable not communicating? I'm guessing you may be a bit uncomfortable/frustrated while not communicating (so you are actually communicating something a bit negative, body laguage way), so that comes accross to them, and they feel a little slighted, back to them actually defending themselves, not first and foremost attacking you.

    Just a few thoughts.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    No, they are doing that to put me down.

    As said in the OP, you talk to them when I see them, when I come to their house, when they come to my house.

    And they see me taking to others.

    6-7 years ago I was very reserved but not anymore as mentioned above I'm talking a lot in the last 4-5 years.

    Also the people who say this have bullied and emotionally abused me which there is too much to put in here and will not go into detail.

    Like I said, what do I say back to them?
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    I know people's perception of people lags behind, and tend to stick with their idea for quite a while. Once they've formed an opinion, then what they've formed an opinion of changes, they need a lot of repeated evidence of change to change their idea.

    > Like I said, what do I say back to them?

    If you've changed, just be that changed self, and don't expect them to change their opinion quickly.

    > the people who say this have bullied and emotionally abused me

    Consider pulling back from them. Sounds like they're not so nice.

    Sorry, haven't got anything more useful to say.
 
 
 
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