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    (Original post by jackwinch)
    I'm not saying that you haven't mentioned it's immoral, nor did I accuse you of saying otherwise. I was merely re-iterating that particular point, so as to ensure that my opinion-based point is perceived as well-balanced if reviewed in isolation to any of my previous posts. You're not under attack from me, I am trying to engage in a discussion with you.

    And actually, if you re-read my comment, you'll see that I totally agree with you on the matter of responsibility for a partnered individual who cheats:'We're not talking about diminished responsibility for the person within the relationship who chooses to cheat - they are responsible for their actions.'

    My comment was expanding on that line of thought, pointing out to the OP that if you are an active party to cheating, you are undertaking an action that you know has a very high potential to hurt somebody badly emotionally (whether this result is your intention or not).
    Sorry, I have the bad habit of jumping onto the defensive! I agree, and it isn’t always just one person you hurt if the person has kids too. It’s a messy situation and is rarely worth the trouble.
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    (Original post by cat_mac)
    Cheating is 100% to blame on the cheater, not the person they cheat with. The girlfriend and the ‘mistress’ are both getting messed about, as the cheat will never choose just one of them. It’s easy to listen to a guys stories about how evil his girlfriend is, how she’s ruining his life and you’re the only thing that makes him happy. Its easy to see her as the bad one, who he’s only with until the lease is out/they finish uni/ they go to that family wedding/ the kid is old enough to understand and then you can be together. She becomes the wicked witch and you’re the princess in the tower he sneaks off to see at night. You don’t always see that she’s actually the queen and he’s feeding both of you lies.

    Morally, dating someone in a relationship is wrong. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means that you need to think about why you’re only someones secret side piece and not their girlfriend. The fault isn’t with you, it’s scummy people who want to have their cake and eat it too. Find someone who only needs you. :yep:
    Can never reconcile this point of view. You would still be one of the parties responsible for destroying a relationship/ marriage. Part of that is 100 % your choice.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Can never reconcile this point of view. You would still be one of the parties responsible for destroying a relationship/ marriage. Part of that is 100 % your choice.
    I don’t think I worded what I was trying to say right, I had half the conversation in my head before I started writing! I was meaning specifically the blame for someone cheating, when people go after the “other woman” instead of the partner who chose to cheat.

    I don’t condone getting involved with someone in a relationship, but I do empathise with people who made bad choices in love. What OP said about starting to see someone and finding out they’re in a relationship when you’re already in deep, it’s understandable. When they use excuses like “i’m going to break up with her, I just have to wait for XYZ” it’s easy to accept the lie that makes it feel okay rather than to stop and say no, this person who I have feelings for is scum.

    Playing devil’s advocate, I just think it’s not such a black and white situation. When feelings are involved we don’t always think with our sensible heads and consider how our actions effect others.
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    (Original post by cat_mac)
    I don’t think I worded what I was trying to say right, I had half the conversation in my head before I started writing! I was meaning specifically the blame for someone cheating, when people go after the “other woman” instead of the partner who chose to cheat.

    I don’t condone getting involved with someone in a relationship, but I do empathise with people who made bad choices in love. What OP said about starting to see someone and finding out they’re in a relationship when you’re already in deep, it’s understandable. When they use excuses like “i’m going to break up with her, I just have to wait for XYZ” it’s easy to accept the lie that makes it feel okay rather than to stop and say no, this person who I have feelings for is scum.

    Playing devil’s advocate, I just think it’s not such a black and white situation. When feelings are involved we don’t always think with our sensible heads and consider how our actions effect others.
    Imo moment you discover it then you call it off. They wont have been honest with you anyway. Too much hassle imo. Cant control what others do, but you have a choice as to how you react.
 
 
 
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