Turn on thread page Beta

BF said he doesn't love me and doesn't want to see me any more watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I was dumped on Monday and all my ex has said is that he doesn't love me and doesn't want to see me any more.

    Apparently the fact that he doesn't want to see my parents (I invited him because I thought it would be nice, and he did agree to it of his own accord) opened his eyes to the fact that he doesn't love me. And he just decided this the day before, which is a bit hurtful even if the relationship itself wasn't objectively long (5 months).

    This wasn't completely out of the blue since 3 weeks before, he did say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if I love you". But in some ways that's worse because now I'm wondering what made him finally decide that he didn't love me after all. Was I too pushy? Too fat? Too socially awkward?

    It just feels like such a stupid and hasty thing of him to have done. I keep feeling like he's going to change his mind at any minute even if that's irrational. I even texted him on Tuesday night while drunk (yes, dumb desperate decision) asking if he was really sure about this but his response was the same "I do care about you, but I don't want to see you any more."

    (Clearly doesn't care enough...)

    Was I too pushy? I feel like it's all my fault for asking him to meet my family in the first place. I feel so helpless and frustrated, especially since I thought we had a good relationship before. I'm wondering if maybe I came on too hard and that scared him away. What made him suddenly decide to cut me out completely out of his life?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry to hear about this. Ask your BF what's the problem if he meet with your parents? If you can discuss this issue in details I think you can get the solution. All the best!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Reveldo99)
    Sorry to hear about this. Ask your BF what's the problem if he meet with your parents? If you can discuss this issue in details I think you can get the solution. All the best!
    Thank you for the response! Maybe I'll try this
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry to hear you got dumped. It's never a nice experience and you may be feeling that you want to escape, or that no one will ever love you in the way he did.
    Truth is, someone will love you for more than he did, because he doesn't see your true potential.
    It's his loss, that he lost a beautiful, kind-hearted girl.

    To answer your question, I think that inviting someone over to their parents house is wise, especially as 5 months is more than adequate timing.
    Were you too pushy? I don't know you or what you're like around people, so I'm not sure.
    Sending hugs for you, and I'm here if you ever need a chat.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Adz2042)
    Sorry to hear you got dumped. It's never a nice experience and you may be feeling that you want to escape, or that no one will ever love you in the way he did.
    Truth is, someone will love you for more than he did, because he doesn't see your true potential.
    It's his loss, that he lost a beautiful, kind-hearted girl.

    To answer your question, I think that inviting someone over to their parents house is wise, especially as 5 months is more than adequate timing.
    Were you too pushy? I don't know you or what you're like around people, so I'm not sure.
    Sending hugs for you, and I'm here if you ever need a chat.
    Thank you so much. I'm not an especially forceful person, so I don't think so... but oh well.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry hear about this, this type of thing really hurts. To be honest there is no rhymn nor reason to this type of situation. People just go inexplicably cold and it usually can't be tied down to anything the dumped person did wrong as such. You just have to dust yourself down, keep faith in yourself and in better times. Not easy I know when you miss what you had when things were good. The hurt eases and new and better loves comes along in my experience.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Zarek)
    Sorry hear about this, this type of thing really hurts. To be honest there is no rhymn nor reason to this type of situation. People just go inexplicably cold and it usually can't be tied down to anything the dumped person did wrong as such. You just have to dust yourself down, keep faith in yourself and in better times. Not easy I know when you miss what you had when things were good. The hurt eases and new and better loves comes along in my experience.
    It was really sudden for me. Loving fun relationship, slight ripple of doubt and then boom.... over. Thank you for your support
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    OP, to establish if he dumped you because you were "too fat", we'd need to know your body mass index, as well as his physical taste in women.
    We'd need more information to establish if you were too pushy, or too anything else.

    It's good that you are trying to self analyse to see if there's anything you can improve in the future.

    But at times like this, it's great to focus on your positives to keep your self-esteem as high as possible. Feel free to list, either in your head or in this thread, all your good points.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    sorry to hear about your dumping experience OP. you sound like a nice person; i am sure you will soon find someone special. try and forget about the person who dumped you... they are not worth any emotional pain.
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I was dumped on Monday and all my ex has said is that he doesn't love me and doesn't want to see me any more.

    Apparently the fact that he doesn't want to see my parents (I invited him because I thought it would be nice, and he did agree to it of his own accord) opened his eyes to the fact that he doesn't love me. And he just decided this the day before, which is a bit hurtful even if the relationship itself wasn't objectively long (5 months).

    This wasn't completely out of the blue since 3 weeks before, he did say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if I love you". But in some ways that's worse because now I'm wondering what made him finally decide that he didn't love me after all. Was I too pushy? Too fat? Too socially awkward?

    It just feels like such a stupid and hasty thing of him to have done. I keep feeling like he's going to change his mind at any minute even if that's irrational. I even texted him on Tuesday night while drunk (yes, dumb desperate decision) asking if he was really sure about this but his response was the same "I do care about you, but I don't want to see you any more."

    (Clearly doesn't care enough...)

    Was I too pushy? I feel like it's all my fault for asking him to meet my family in the first place. I feel so helpless and frustrated, especially since I thought we had a good relationship before. I'm wondering if maybe I came on too hard and that scared him away. What made him suddenly decide to cut me out completely out of his life?
    How old are you both and how long together as an exclusive couple?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was really sudden for me. Loving fun relationship, slight ripple of doubt and then boom.... over. Thank you for your support
    Yep, been there. Keep the faith
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    OP, to establish if he dumped you because you were "too fat", we'd need to know your body mass index, as well as his physical taste in women.
    We'd need more information to establish if you were too pushy, or too anything else.

    It's good that you are trying to self analyse to see if there's anything you can improve in the future.

    But at times like this, it's great to focus on your positives to keep your self-esteem as high as possible. Feel free to list, either in your head or in this thread, all your good points.
    (Original post by the bear)
    sorry to hear about your dumping experience OP. you sound like a nice person; i am sure you will soon find someone special. try and forget about the person who dumped you... they are not worth any emotional pain.
    Thank you! You guys are a great help




    (Original post by 999tigger)
    How old are you both and how long together as an exclusive couple?
    We're both 19 - we were together for about 5 months
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    We're both 19 - we were together for about 5 months
    I would suspect he had been having cold feet for a few months. There is nothing wrong with meeting your parents, except he didnt want to get any further involved and that would have made it more awkward for him i.e being rpesented as your bf when he knew he was on his way out.

    You didnt do anything wrong.
    Nothing wrong with meeting your parents either. Not pushy.

    He just realised he wasnt that into the relationship and it wasnt going to work out. That is how they work. They run their course. Upsetting, but you will have plenty more. You will find other people you will get n much better with and definitely dont beat yourself up about it. he isnt coming back imo. feel sad fr a bit, then move on. If you are studying then exams have priority. get back with friends and socialise a bit when you have time. You are just one day closer to the next one.

    Everyone has this experience at one time or another.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    I would suspect he had been having cold feet for a few months. There is nothing wrong with meeting your parents, except he didnt want to get any further involved and that would have made it more awkward for him i.e being rpesented as your bf when he knew he was on his way out.

    You didnt do anything wrong.
    Nothing wrong with meeting your parents either. Not pushy.

    He just realised he wasnt that into the relationship and it wasnt going to work out. That is how they work. They run their course. Upsetting, but you will have plenty more. You will find other people you will get n much better with and definitely dont beat yourself up about it. he isnt coming back imo. feel sad fr a bit, then move on. If you are studying then exams have priority. get back with friends and socialise a bit when you have time. You are just one day closer to the next one.

    Everyone has this experience at one time or another.
    Ah... I guess that makes sense. He never was hugely affectionate and in retrospect the relationship was a bit shallow. The thought that he's not coming back is saddening but if he's been thinking about it for a while then I get why he wouldn't then make a 180 the week after. But I really liked that guy...

    Anyway, thanks for so much for the detailed analysis, it's been really helpful. Thanks for the rest of the advice too. I'll focus on exams then
    • Very Important Poster
    Online

    19
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ah... I guess that makes sense. He never was hugely affectionate and in retrospect the relationship was a bit shallow. The thought that he's not coming back is saddening but if he's been thinking about it for a while then I get why he wouldn't then make a 180 the week after. But I really liked that guy...

    Anyway, thanks for so much for the detailed analysis, it's been really helpful. Thanks for the rest of the advice too. I'll focus on exams then


    You will find others, just learn from it and dont waste time or energy trying to bring back things that wont happen.

    You will know the next time it happens. Boys imo are about 3-4 years behind girls and dont catch up till past 25+ in most cases. It will have been new to him, but its better for you both you arent in a relationship where only one of you thinks its good. You might not think it but hes done you a favour. You can use this experience for next time. Give it a bit of time and be hopeful there are many more much better matches out there for you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You will find others, just learn from it and dont waste time or energy trying to bring back things that wont happen.

    You will know the next time it happens. Boys imo are about 3-4 years behind girls and dont catch up till past 25+ in most cases. It will have been new to him, but its better for you both you arent in a relationship where only one of you thinks its good. You might not think it but hes done you a favour. You can use this experience for next time. Give it a bit of time and be hopeful there are many more much better matches out there for you.
    Thank you... Yeah it was a first relationship for the both of us, I'm happy for the experience at least
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 11, 2018
Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.