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My girlfriend blames me for everything and is now leaving me.... watch

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    We've been together for 2 years, and she is older than me by about 5 years (I am 21). Before me she had a few boyfriends, but I am her longest and as she describes me her first true love. This week she is very withdrawn form me, and has told me she is taking a break and that I am toxic to her.

    The thing is, I am very good to her. I do everything I can. I walk 6 miles just to meet her for coffee, when she is at mine I do absolutely everything I can to make her happy and comfortable. Emotionally I am always there for her and am her biggest supporter. I sat with her morning until night for a week in the hospital when she had an asthma complication. There are so many ways that I would describe myself as being a good boyfriend to her, she even cheated on me and I forgave her for it all.

    She is an incredibly unstable individual, and sees a therapist regularly to try and cope with her emotions. As a very volatile character, there have been many instances where she has made a scene in public, been abusive to me or just generally made a big commotion in our relationship. She is insecure in almost every way, and I feel that she takes it out on me. My personal opinion is that she displaces her insecurities onto me, blaming me if you will. By blaming me, she is therefore avoiding her issues because she thinks that by running away she is escaping them, whereby they are actually attached to her and so will follow her wherever she goes, hence why she has so many failed relationships.

    She doesn't get on with ANY of her family, me and a friend of hers are the only people in her lives. In an effort to try and gain some understanding, I managed to track down a family member of hers today and have been messaging with him. He tells me that she left home all of a sudden at the age of 18 and has never returned or spoken to any of them since. Apparently the family are always thinking about her and her father cries very often out of worry and missing her. Her cousin told me that she was always very volatile and that he agrees with my displacement theory on her, and that she left home for a similar reason, that she was unhappy with herself and so blamed her family and left for a new start.

    Is there any hope for people like this? Is there any way that I can convince her to come home and that everything will be alright? Somebody else told me that she is damaged goods and she will never have stable relationship and that I should just count my loss and move on...but I love her too much to let her go and if there is any hope then I will take it.
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    Sounds like she's being more toxic to you than vice versa- she sounds very damaged and unstable and it's hard to fix that. Maybe take a relationship break, I think she may need some time to focus on herself a bit.
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    (Original post by Orangutandude)
    We've been together for 2 years, and she is older than me by about 5 years (I am 21). Before me she had a few boyfriends, but I am her longest and as she describes me her first true love. This week she is very withdrawn form me, and has told me she is taking a break and that I am toxic to her.

    The thing is, I am very good to her. I do everything I can. I walk 6 miles just to meet her for coffee, when she is at mine I do absolutely everything I can to make her happy and comfortable. Emotionally I am always there for her and am her biggest supporter. I sat with her morning until night for a week in the hospital when she had an asthma complication. There are so many ways that I would describe myself as being a good boyfriend to her, she even cheated on me and I forgave her for it all.

    She is an incredibly unstable individual, and sees a therapist regularly to try and cope with her emotions. As a very volatile character, there have been many instances where she has made a scene in public, been abusive to me or just generally made a big commotion in our relationship. She is insecure in almost every way, and I feel that she takes it out on me. My personal opinion is that she displaces her insecurities onto me, blaming me if you will. By blaming me, she is therefore avoiding her issues because she thinks that by running away she is escaping them, whereby they are actually attached to her and so will follow her wherever she goes, hence why she has so many failed relationships.

    She doesn't get on with ANY of her family, me and a friend of hers are the only people in her lives. In an effort to try and gain some understanding, I managed to track down a family member of hers today and have been messaging with him. He tells me that she left home all of a sudden at the age of 18 and has never returned or spoken to any of them since. Apparently the family are always thinking about her and her father cries very often out of worry and missing her. Her cousin told me that she was always very volatile and that he agrees with my displacement theory on her, and that she left home for a similar reason, that she was unhappy with herself and so blamed her family and left for a new start.

    Is there any hope for people like this? Is there any way that I can convince her to come home and that everything will be alright? Somebody else told me that she is damaged goods and she will never have stable relationship and that I should just count my loss and move on...but I love her too much to let her go and if there is any hope then I will take it.
    Listen to azureceleste have a break that always helps.
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    You sound like you truly love her and I think it sounds like it's time you committed 1 of the ultimate acts of love = let her go and just be there for her if she needs you for anything.I know it will be difficult for you but it sounds like she needs time to reflect and to sort herself out. Your only hope is that 1 day she realises what she's given up and comes back if you're still available.
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    (Original post by Jack8910)
    Listen to azureceleste have a break that always helps.
    I just fear that a break actually means moving on and her forgetting about me.
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    (Original post by Orangutandude)
    I just fear that a break actually means moving on and her forgetting about me.
    Taking a break essentially means that someone is too afraid to confront you about things and wants to use the opportunity to see other people in that time. She already cheated on you once, go figure.
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    Get rid, son.
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    This is kind of tough but I think you should leave that relationship asap. I think your theory about her behavior is spot on. You seem to love her very much and go above and beyond for her and she says you're the toxic one? I know that when you truly care for someone, you want to do what is in your hands to help them out but she seems like she can't help herself out and doesn't see her behavior is an issue. You could easily get sucked into her problems and you have to think to yourself, are you willing to stick it out with her for years to come? Is it worth your peace of mind? You seem really nice and that can easily be taken advantage of, you gotta do what is best for you first before you can do something for her. And she also has to be willing to help her self and realize she has a problem and she needs to tackle it and not everyone else around her. Help her out if you want to but don't let yourself get sucked into her problems. You're already doing her a huge favor by contacting family being there for her when she honestly doesn't deserve it.
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    Why on earth would you want her back?

    Does she have some extremely good compensating factors?
    Does she earn loads?
    Is she stunningly beautiful?
    Is she out of this world in bed?
    Is her cooking up to Michelin 3 rosette standards?
    Is she famous?
    Is she an innovative genius?

    Because she
    Doesn't make you feel great all the time.
    She doesn't have a balanced temperament
    She's not going to make a great mother (too moody for the kids. Someone setting a more emotionally stable example would be better)
    She's not 100% faithful


    Edit, BTW get a bicycle. You'll find it quicker than walking.
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    (Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
    Why on earth would you want her back?

    Does she have some extremely good compensating factors?
    Does she earn loads?
    Is she stunningly beautiful?
    Is she out of this world in bed?
    Is her cooking up to Michelin 3 rosette standards?
    Is she famous?
    Is she an innovative genius?

    Because she
    Doesn't make you feel great all the time.
    She doesn't have a balanced temperament
    She's not going to make a great mother (too moody for the kids. Someone setting a more emotionally stable example would be better)
    She's not 100% faithful


    Edit, BTW get a bicycle. You'll find it quicker than walking.
    Here's the thing. I feel like I am still attached to the girl she was when we first fell in love. When we met, ot was incredible, and the first 6 months or so were the best time of my life and I had never been so happy. And then all her negative sides started to really unravel. I guess I am still in love with that girl and I am scared of being alone after devoting my heart and soul to her and making her the focus of my life. I don't know how I can live on knowing that she is out there somewhere, and i am far away from her. After being so attached and close to her, the idea of her becoming just a memory is miserable.
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    (Original post by Orangutandude)
    Here's the thing. I feel like I am still attached to the girl she was when we first fell in love. When we met, ot was incredible, and the first 6 months or so were the best time of my life and I had never been so happy. And then all her negative sides started to really unravel. I guess I am still in love with that girl and I am scared of being alone after devoting my heart and soul to her and making her the focus of my life. I don't know how I can live on knowing that she is out there somewhere, and i am far away from her. After being so attached and close to her, the idea of her becoming just a memory is miserable.
    It's scary, but it's important to move on and let go. She's not the same person anymore and won't be-you need to fully understand this. Break ups are hard for everyone but you'll move on and find another.
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    Sounds like my ex.

    skank.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Sounds like my ex.

    skank.
    🙄🙄🙄
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    What a petty way to handle breakups at 22 😑 grow up ChickenMadness
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    Consider MGTOW. You'll never look back.
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    (Original post by getmeoffmyphone)
    What a petty way to handle breakups at 22 😑 grow up ChickenMadness
    My ex that cheated on me with my best friend at uni lol.

    She knows she was a skank cus we're still friends and she agreed it was skanky as **** lol.
 
 
 
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