I've turned 15 years old and I'm seriously worried and confused, for 1 year. I am straight and have been for the rest of my life, but I weirdly get turned on by men. Now I'm seriously doubting my sexuality.
The doubt started in early 2017 when I wanted to learn how to write with both hands. I found out that if I was able too, then I'm bisexual. I was scared and even thought I'm not able to write with both hands, I still doubted myself up till now but its getting worse.
I get turned on by women but not all the time. I masturbate to lesbian porn (granny and mature porn turn me on the most) and I get a very good orgasm and I also masturbate the straight porn. However, occasionally when I try to fantasies about a woman, I don't get turned on easily. It feels as if I want to get turned on, but I don't. There are times I get turned on easily and masturbate, with good pleasure. When I see a girls bum, I get turned on a bit sometimes and then I fantasies about f*****g her, but if I see a shirtless man, I get turned on easily. I have naval/belly festish with men and I get turned on when a man has an innie naval and when I'm exposed a little bit to his belly. Its really embarrassing. I have discovered this since I was a child. I used to fantasize about passionately belly rubbing a man, and that is about the only fantasies I have had about men. Sometimes the fantazies used to be more than that.
I have never crushed on a male before, but in school there was this boy I really wanted to be like and tried to act like him. My mind tried to make me think that I liked him, and I had unwanted fantasies but I didn't like him and it was mostly just curiosity. I see him I school and everything is normal, althought i cant believe what happened. I have never crushed on my male friend and then once I thought I did but I didnt (halleluyah). I have always liked girls and have had girlfriends. I feel very emotionally attracted to girls. I met this girl and I fell in love with her. I connected so much with her and my heart beat fast each time we talked. I had this warm and effectionate feeling. We went out for a little while, but she moved back to Japan. I liked this girl when I was 11, and I used to annoy her a lot, I kissed her on the cheek once and always tried to hold her hand. I asked her out soo many times but she rejected me. I also liked this girl when I started high school and I would always purposely do something in front of her or cause arguments to get her attention. I wouldn't stop staring at her and tried to chat her up so much times. I still have some affection for her. I recently liked this girl and asked her out, but she rejected me and I still feel some affection towards her too. I have a close female friend. I gradually started to like her and when I wanted to tell her how I feel, she likes someone else. It hurt me a lot and I would fantasize about f*****g her and losing my virginity with her and other girls. Even though I don't like her, I got jealous when I heard she liked someone else. I currently notice one girl in school that I'm slightly interested in, but I don't really know if I like her yet.
I play games online, such as IMVU and I feel comfortable to identify as straight. But then the doubt comes and I end up doubting whether I'm lying to myself. I feel comfortable with the hook ups, but dont give them my personal info. Ive watched gay porn before and I never really got rock hard to gay porn. The only thing in gay porn that turned me on was the hairy bellies, naval and I get turned on by the sexual acts not the people. But now, I don't get turned on by males like that anymore. If I see a belly with an inner belly button, I may get a little bit turned on or not at all. I search topless men everyday just to prove to myself that I'm not really getting turned on. Sometimes it makes me feel as if I may be forcing myself and I'm not. I am very insecure about myself and how I look, and when I see a guy I think looks attractive by his face I get turned on. But now I don't really and maybe only a little bit.
Its worse now. Recently I saw an actor that I thought looked handsome (which is normal because ever gender my think the same gender is good looking sometimes) and my mind wouldn't stop thinking about the person for a few days. I didn't fancy the actor because I am not gay, but I received these unwanted weird fantasies that have back again, even though I don't want them too. I get aroused a little sometimes, and Im starting to get this warm feeling, but I don't fancy them in any way. I admire them because in the future I want my child to look like him. With girls, I feel very comfortable with some girls, as if I like them and I get this warm feeling. I saw these girls in a show and my god, I couldn't stop thinking about them. I would get this very heart racing feeling with one girl there and then sometimes I would just think of them.
In porn if I enjoy seeing the girl and then I see the man has an Innie naval, my attention turns there. But there are times where Im still focused on the girl even still. This is really weird. Also most times when I get turned on by men, my heart beats fast and I get this warming feeling. I looked it up and it may be gronial response. If I sometimes see an attractive looking male actor, I become a little obsessed by them and always wish to be them and get turned on by girls the way they do. I read coming out stories but I don't really relate to them as much. I don't feel secretly gay, although my mind is doubting my sexuality. If I get turned on/a bit by woman and a little bit turned on/not by guys, then I'm confused. In GTA 5, i get turned in by the strippers when they take off their bra (getting a bit turned on ). I always imagine marrying a woman and starting a YT channel with them. When I see straight couples in school, I fantasize hugging my girlfriend and kissing her in school. I had this dream about two weeks ago, that I was cuddling and romantically flirting with my ex gf. I always feel like there is a very huge arousment with girls deep inside, but it doesn't happen. I'm not bisexual because I don't really have crushes on boys, only girls. I have taken a sexuality test, even when I'm honest, I have gotten straight. I got a 2 in the Kinsley scale and 63 or 70% straight, 20-something % bi and 5% gay in another test. Help, im really confused. Although I'm religious (Islam), I don't really say I'm not gay because I'm Muslim, but I'm not gay though. I've tested out hetero-romantic bisexuality, but I don't feel as if I'm bisexual and I've tried Hetero flexibility but I don't feel as if I like boys in a romantic way or sexually want to do anything with them. I'm seriously confused. This has happened since I was 13 and now I'm 15. I feel like its getting worse.
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I'm 15 but confused on my sexuality watch
- Thread Starter
- 10-03-2018 08:26
- Community Assistant
- 10-03-2018 20:05