Any comments/criticism/ratings welcome. Thanks you
The best moment is that one right before the first kiss.
After hours or days or weeks of flirting and silly jokes and laughs. Risky texts that make you bite your nails and refuse to look at your phone screen when the reply eventually comes through. After all the minutes of wondering whether it’s all one sided, ‘does (s)he like me back?’.
That final piece of suspense when you’re right there next to each other. Your heart is pounding in your chest and you can feel the blood rushing through your veins and you feel too hot but you’ve got goosebumps and shivers. Your eyes meet theirs, the gaze drops down to the lips.
And right in that moment when you’re leaning in. And they’re leaning in too. The rush of all that build up and all the suspense finally releasing. It’s not just the bodily pleasure of a kiss. It’s not just the happiness of the heart. It’s not just the relief of the mind. It’s a big fat wonderful mix of it all. It’s euphoric.
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- Thread Starter
- 10-03-2018 17:44
- 10-03-2018 22:45
Honestly depends what mood and atmosphere you're trying to create, it's not bad at all though, I may suggest shortening some of the sentences early on just to help build emphasis on what you're saying and avoid boring the audience with looooong sentences also I'd say remove one of the "it's. it just the" sentences simply because you've built emotional tension really well then tarnished it with over repetition. Honestly though that's just me being nitpicky af, other than that it's well written and definitely something a lot of people can empathize with.