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Accepting you're damaged goods watch

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    Has anybody here accepted that they're damaged goods and that it will hinder or sabotage them finding a potential partner?

    I've been in several relationships before and my outlook on life was much better back then, but after each one it has been leaving me worse off and it's incredibly difficult to imagine I'm going to find someone that I can actually make happy and vice versa.

    I've always been not good enough and the problem, a burden.

    I can accept this and I've lost all hope of actually finding someone to settle down with, but how can I live with it?

    I'd rather it not be like this but nobody is going to want someone with this outlook, but I can't think otherwise.
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    Never. Every life experience makes you stronger.
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    Don't consider yourself damaged goods. Consider yourself run in.
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    Perhaps you may not want my advice, but in order for others to help you better:

    What is it more specifically which hinders you? Like is it a feeling of inadequacy making you expect too much/become clingy, or is it something else?
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    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    I've been in several relationships before and my outlook on life was much better back then
    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    I'd rather it not be like this but nobody is going to want someone with this outlook, but I can't think otherwise.
    Why not? Once before you were fine so what makes you think you are stuck in this position? What makes you think this won't change?
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    Were you told by your ex partners that you were not good enough or is that just a thought of your own?
    Seems like your self esteem is pretty low, instead of focussing on someone to settle down with why not just focus on looking for people who like to do the things that you like to do. Take your time and don't rush into anything.
    Perhaps a little counselling wouldn't go amiss either?
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    repair the goods
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    I see where you are coming from, but no. It's not me that is the problem, it's my tastes :laugh:
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    (Original post by JaseyB)
    Were you told by your ex partners that you were not good enough or is that just a thought of your own?
    Seems like your self esteem is pretty low, instead of focussing on someone to settle down with why not just focus on looking for people who like to do the things that you like to do. Take your time and don't rush into anything.
    Perhaps a little counselling wouldn't go amiss either?
    (Original post by Acsel)
    Why not? Once before you were fine so what makes you think you are stuck in this position? What makes you think this won't change?
    (Original post by Zamestaneh)
    Perhaps you may not want my advice, but in order for others to help you better:

    What is it more specifically which hinders you? Like is it a feeling of inadequacy making you expect too much/become clingy, or is it something else?
    It is more that we break up, they move on and are much happier with someone else, regardless of what I do differently or change to try and make things better.

    Counselling hasn't helped a bit.

    Nothing has changed regarding this issue despite me changing things about myself, thus I can't see any way that things could be different next time.
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    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    It is more that we break up, they move on and are much happier with someone else, regardless of what I do differently or change to try and make things better.

    Counselling hasn't helped a bit.

    Nothing has changed regarding this issue despite me changing things about myself, thus I can't see any way that things could be different next time.
    When you look at it purely as a numbers game, there are million of possible things you can do and billions of possible people. You have probably had experience with an incredibly small fraction of these people, so why expect things to be the same every time? You might think that you are changing things but can you objectively say that? Odds are you can't, because people on the inside can't really see things properly.
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    This just sounds like a case of not finding the person that is right for you and whom you are also right for. It can take a while to find that person but usually worth the ups and downs in the end. And please STOP trying to change to suit a partner just be you! - If they don;t like you as you are then you aren't right for each other. Obviously if you're changing things for yourself rather than to suit others than by all means be my guest!
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    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    It is more that we break up, they move on and are much happier with someone else, regardless of what I do differently or change to try and make things better.

    Counselling hasn't helped a bit.

    Nothing has changed regarding this issue despite me changing things about myself, thus I can't see any way that things could be different next time.
    Have you considered that perhaps you and the person were not right together rather than it being an inherent fault in yourself? And who is to say that she won't end up breaking up with the new banda at some point - and she will move on from him to another guy, and the one she just broke up with will say "she seems happier with him, so there must be something wrong with me" - it is an endless cycle...
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    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    Has anybody here accepted that they're damaged goods and that it will hinder or sabotage them finding a potential partner?

    I've been in several relationships before and my outlook on life was much better back then, but after each one it has been leaving me worse off and it's incredibly difficult to imagine I'm going to find someone that I can actually make happy and vice versa.

    I've always been not good enough and the problem, a burden.

    I can accept this and I've lost all hope of actually finding someone to settle down with, but how can I live with it?

    I'd rather it not be like this but nobody is going to want someone with this outlook, but I can't think otherwise.
    Putting yourself down won't help your situation. Just adopt a more positive attitude and keep looking you'll find what your looking for eventually.
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    (Original post by Acsel)
    When you look at it purely as a numbers game, there are million of possible things you can do and billions of possible people. You have probably had experience with an incredibly small fraction of these people, so why expect things to be the same every time? You might think that you are changing things but can you objectively say that? Odds are you can't, because people on the inside can't really see things properly.
    I don't expect things to be the same every time, but it is just that they actually are even when I do my best to change things.

    (Original post by JaseyB)
    This just sounds like a case of not finding the person that is right for you and whom you are also right for. It can take a while to find that person but usually worth the ups and downs in the end. And please STOP trying to change to suit a partner just be you! - If they don;t like you as you are then you aren't right for each other. Obviously if you're changing things for yourself rather than to suit others than by all means be my guest!
    I get what you're saying, but I find it hard to believe that I'll find someone to be honest.

    (Original post by Zamestaneh)
    Have you considered that perhaps you and the person were not right together rather than it being an inherent fault in yourself? And who is to say that she won't end up breaking up with the new banda at some point - and she will move on from him to another guy, and the one she just broke up with will say "she seems happier with him, so there must be something wrong with me" - it is an endless cycle...
    I appreciate the sentiment, but I simply find it hard to believe that it is anything but my own fault.
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    Damaged doesn’t make you a lost cause. We’re all damaged in some way, there’s always going to be someone who will come into your life and see you as you are and love you for all of it. You won’t believe me now but in the future you’ll look back and wonder why you thought so badly of yourself, and you’ll give similar cheesy advice to another person who has given up hope. You’ll get there. :hugs:
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    (Original post by cat_mac)
    Damaged doesn’t make you a lost cause. We’re all damaged in some way, there’s always going to be someone who will come into your life and see you as you are and love you for all of it. You won’t believe me now but in the future you’ll look back and wonder why you thought so badly of yourself, and you’ll give similar cheesy advice to another person who has given up hope. You’ll get there. :hugs:
    I believe this, until it all goes wrong. Which it has every time and I think after the last time, I honestly can't do any better.

    I can't have any hope and this in itself makes it worse. How do I have a chance when I need someone to lift me up but nobody is going want to because of how I am?
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    PMA. Positive Mental Attitude.
    You'll be surprised how far it could get you.



    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    Has anybody here accepted that they're damaged goods and that it will hinder or sabotage them finding a potential partner?

    I've been in several relationships before and my outlook on life was much better back then, but after each one it has been leaving me worse off and it's incredibly difficult to imagine I'm going to find someone that I can actually make happy and vice versa.

    I've always been not good enough and the problem, a burden.

    I can accept this and I've lost all hope of actually finding someone to settle down with, but how can I live with it?

    I'd rather it not be like this but nobody is going to want someone with this outlook, but I can't think otherwise.
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    I've dated damaged goods. There's someone for everyone.
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    (Original post by TheBBQ)
    I believe this, until it all goes wrong. Which it has every time and I think after the last time, I honestly can't do any better.

    I can't have any hope and this in itself makes it worse. How do I have a chance when I need someone to lift me up but nobody is going want to because of how I am?
    Why dont you start by learning to like yourself? You can lift yourself up.
    Negative attitudes arent attractive, so learn how to change it.
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    I can sympathise. I accepted long ago that I'll probably never find someone, or at least not for several years because of where I live and the lack of girls I meet. I'm used to the fact that girls hate on me without knowing anything about me, so I just stopped giving a ****. Instead, I focus only on myself and I enjoy the freedom to do whatever I want on my own terms, regardless of what any girl thinks about me. Let them all hate, it doesn't affect you or I in any way. I suggest you adopt the same mindset and start living for yourself. Stop making girls a priority in your life - however far you get in relationships with them, they will always throw it back in your face. None of them are worth the time or effort.
 
 
 
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