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    One of my closest friends had depression 3 yrs ago, and she got so much better and became so much happier for a yr. However, recently, she went through a break up which she didn't handle well at all (maybe because it was her first time going through something like this idk). As a result, she relapsed.

    I feel like a terrible and selfish person saying this, but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated. Since, yr 11 (the yr she was initially diagnosed with depression) she hasn't really opened up to us. My friends and I are always there for her and we have done so much for her and we feel like we aren't getting anywhere. She's been liking upsetting posts that are of quotes on instagram - "i feel unwanted" and posts about suicide.

    Also, after knowing her ex for about a month, she tells him EVERYTHING, and ive known her for 4 years and did (and I'm currently doing) everything i could to support and make her feel loved but ive just not gotten anywhere.

    Could someone please give me advice on how to remain patient and not lose my cool with her.

    (Soz for this mini essay lol)
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    I had a similar experience minus the opening up to a new boyfriend thing. Eventually we drifted apart and kind of got more amicable after about a year and a half but things were never the same. I don't have regrets because he was saying and doing hurtful things but I think the main lesson I got from the experience is that you have no idea what' going on in her mind in general plus with how depression affects her. From personal experience it's easier to detach your problems from people in your everyday life. She might just want to keep you apart from all that and now see how opening up may help or she might feel that it isn't the best thing for her right now. Respecting her choice as a friend and accepting the way things are might give you some peace of mind- but I understand there's an added concern due to her mental health. You'e known her for a long time so you should hopefully know her giveaways or traits for when things are particularly bad- maybe reach out to her new boyfriend on the dl and let him know these things so he can look out for them too. I know it's frustrating to feel like you'e not getting anywhere but just keep remembering that depression can bring about irrational thoughts and doubts that make people question the legitimacy of people's concern and thats maybe why she posts these things
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    (Original post by gibsonlp59)
    I had a similar experience minus the opening up to a new boyfriend thing. Eventually we drifted apart and kind of got more amicable after about a year and a half but things were never the same. I don't have regrets because he was saying and doing hurtful things but I think the main lesson I got from the experience is that you have no idea what' going on in her mind in general plus with how depression affects her. From personal experience it's easier to detach your problems from people in your everyday life. She might just want to keep you apart from all that and now see how opening up may help or she might feel that it isn't the best thing for her right now. Respecting her choice as a friend and accepting the way things are might give you some peace of mind- but I understand there's an added concern due to her mental health. You'e known her for a long time so you should hopefully know her giveaways or traits for when things are particularly bad- maybe reach out to her new boyfriend on the dl and let him know these things so he can look out for them too. I know it's frustrating to feel like you'e not getting anywhere but just keep remembering that depression can bring about irrational thoughts and doubts that make people question the legitimacy of people's concern and thats maybe why she posts these things
    Thank you for this, this made me feel better )
    A part of me also thinks that she sometimes seeks for attention - should I leave that mentality??
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    You can’t love someone’s mental illness away. I know it’s hard to understand but it’s not like cheering up a friend from being sad. If you need space from her so you don’t lose it, then I suggest you do that. Explain that you really want her to get better but you can’t stay and watch her struggle.

    If you want to keep trying with her, you have to accept her boundaries. Listen when she wants to talk, let it go when she puts walls up. Encourage her to go to the doctors because it sounds like she needs professional help. The best thing you can do is to just be there, and not need anything in return. It’s a crappy deal for you but it’s really the only option.

    I’ve experienced that friends tend to send really nice messages to me when i’m struggling, but then get frustrated when I don’t get better. I wish kind words could fix me but that’s just not how things work, and sometimes I need someone to say “yep that sucks!” rather than paragraphs of how I should love myself and how I have so much to live for.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    One of my closest friends had depression 3 yrs ago, and she got so much better and became so much happier for a yr. However, recently, she went through a break up which she didn't handle well at all (maybe because it was her first time going through something like this idk). As a result, she relapsed.

    I feel like a terrible and selfish person saying this, but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated. Since, yr 11 (the yr she was initially diagnosed with depression) she hasn't really opened up to us. My friends and I are always there for her and we have done so much for her and we feel like we aren't getting anywhere. She's been liking upsetting posts that are of quotes on instagram - "i feel unwanted" and posts about suicide.

    Also, after knowing her ex for about a month, she tells him EVERYTHING, and ive known her for 4 years and did (and I'm currently doing) everything i could to support and make her feel loved but ive just not gotten anywhere.

    Could someone please give me advice on how to remain patient and not lose my cool with her.

    (Soz for this mini essay lol)
    i ve been in this situation a lot of times i say u just chat to her about how life works in this century nothing lasts forever and no ones perfect
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    (Original post by cat_mac)
    You can’t love someone’s mental illness away. I know it’s hard to understand but it’s not like cheering up a friend from being sad. If you need space from her so you don’t lose it, then I suggest you do that. Explain that you really want her to get better but you can’t stay and watch her struggle.

    If you want to keep trying with her, you have to accept her boundaries. Listen when she wants to talk, let it go when she puts walls up. Encourage her to go to the doctors because it sounds like she needs professional help. The best thing you can do is to just be there, and not need anything in return. It’s a crappy deal for you but it’s really the only option.

    I’ve experienced that friends tend to send really nice messages to me when i’m struggling, but then get frustrated when I don’t get better. I wish kind words could fix me but that’s just not how things work, and sometimes I need someone to say “yep that sucks!” rather than paragraphs of how I should love myself and how I have so much to live for.
    Alright I'll try not to be so invasive and she has a therapist right now.
    She occasionally sends us long msgs about how she's feeling suicidal and is unable to concentrate on anything, and my friends and I end up sending similar loving msgs to her - which we have been doing 4 the past 3 Yrs.
    This was v insightful, thank you.
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    (Original post by sxdeh)
    i ve been in this situation a lot of times i say u just chat to her about how life works in this century nothing lasts forever and no ones perfect
    Yeh I've told her things will get a lot better eventually and that this feeling isn't permanent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for this, this made me feel better )
    A part of me also thinks that she sometimes seeks for attention - should I leave that mentality??
    I suppose different people behave differently, in my experience with friends who have mental illnesses attention seeking was a huge part of their behaviour and as someone who was going through stuff years ago I also was guilty of this behaviour. For me it was that nobody could truly see what was in my mind or going on at home and I wanted to show them but it came out it an attention seeking kind of way and it drove my behaviour. In my opinion she probably does seek attention to assure herself that people are still there and aware of her and her problems. Its not the easiest kind of behaviour to deal with but I suppose trying to accept that this is how she expresses herself and her feelings is the main way forward
 
 
 
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