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Ive upset my mum but feel ive done nothing watch

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    I think my mum has pretty much fell out with me. Basically we went down to my aunts house and my younger cousin had bought his mum a big personalised birthday card with her and his picture on it and personalised text inside thanking her for holidays and all the things she had done for him and that he loved her etc. Me and my family thought it was really nice.

    My mum then commented saying that its nice when your kids care and she didnt get anything from me like that and that i never showed affection etc. I felt annoyed that she was shaming me as im not the type to show affection but ive bought her loads in the past. So i just said 'maybe shes a better mum than you' she said 'yeh maybe she is' then she looked upset like her eyes filled up a bit.
    I said 'ive bought you loads in the past one birthday i spent £150 on you' then my aunt blurted out 'it just shows its not about money is it'. Then i felt bad as id put a £10 note in my aunts card. I did try looking for a present but thats another story lol. My other aunt told me that she would appreciate money more probably so thats why i gave her a tenner.

    So yea ive got a feeling my mumwill be funny with me now. I just dont like her trying to shame me though. I mean I get her presents and cards. I felt she was u grateful and a bit out of order so i was harsh with my reply. I dont show affection though in words its not in my nature like i dont say i love you. I couldnt bring myself to. My bf accuses me of not being affectionate so maybe im at fault but still i dont like being shamed by my mum.

    Is it me in the wrong?
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    You shouldn't have responded the way you did. Yes it was a bad comment but your reply of suggesting your aunt was a better mother would have hurt. Tomorrow's (today as it just turned midnight!) Mother's Day, so maybe let her realise you appreciate her. An outright apology wouldn't hurt, but I get that's not everyone's style. But you have something to fix here and this is your perfect opportunity.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think my mum has pretty much fell out with me. Basically we went down to my aunts house and my younger cousin had bought his mum a big personalised birthday card with her and his picture on it and personalised text inside thanking her for holidays and all the things she had done for him and that he loved her etc. Me and my family thought it was really nice.

    My mum then commented saying that its nice when your kids care and she didnt get anything from me like that and that i never showed affection etc. I felt annoyed that she was shaming me as im not the type to show affection but ive bought her loads in the past. So i just said 'maybe shes a better mum than you' she said 'yeh maybe she is' then she looked upset like her eyes filled up a bit.
    I said 'ive bought you loads in the past one birthday i spent £150 on you' then my aunt blurted out 'it just shows its not about money is it'. Then i felt bad as id put a £10 note in my aunts card. I did try looking for a present but thats another story lol. My other aunt told me that she would appreciate money more probably so thats why i gave her a tenner.

    So yea ive got a feeling my mumwill be funny with me now. I just dont like her trying to shame me though. I mean I get her presents and cards. I felt she was u grateful and a bit out of order so i was harsh with my reply. I dont show affection though in words its not in my nature like i dont say i love you. I couldnt bring myself to. My bf accuses me of not being affectionate so maybe im at fault but still i dont like being shamed by my mum.

    Is it me in the wrong?
    Sometimes our emotions take hold of us and as a result the things we say aren’t perhaps the right thing to say. What I have learnt is that sometimes it is better to apologise even if you are in the right for the sake of your relationship with your parents. I don’t blame you for what you said as nothing hurts more when you do nice things and no one notices and accuses you of not doing anything nice.
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    I understand that occasionally emotions can overwhelm us, and I know that being accused and snarky comments like that from your mum can make you really angry. But your comment was hurtful and in my opinion, it was out of order. I think you should apologise, especially as it's Mother's Day.
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    (Original post by sinfonietta)
    You shouldn't have responded the way you did. Yes it was a bad comment but your reply of suggesting your aunt was a better mother would have hurt. Tomorrow's (today as it just turned midnight!) Mother's Day, so maybe let her realise you appreciate her. An outright apology wouldn't hurt, but I get that's not everyone's style. But you have something to fix here and this is your perfect opportunity.
    I dont do love messages and all that i show that i care in different ways not by words this i cant change.

    Ive got her flowers and a card as i literally have £5 in my bank account to last a week. I was going to just give her these but i was going to not give her them now as i feel she doesnt appreciate my gifts after what her and my aunt said I felt shamed by them both. I'l forget what she said then but will the flowers and card be enough? .
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    I understand that occasionally emotions can overwhelm us, and I know that snarky comments like that from your Mum can make you really angry. But your comment was hurtful. I think you should apologise, especially as it's Mother's Day. And you should really make up as it's an important day for your Mum. I hope this helps, and I hope you make up with your Mum!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I dont do love messages and all that i show that i care in different ways not by words this i cant change.

    Ive got her flowers and a card as i literally have £5 in my bank account to last a week. I was going to just give her these but i was going to not give her them now as i feel she doesnt appreciate my gifts after what her and my aunt said I felt shamed by them both. I'l forget what she said then but will the flowers and card be enough? .
    Absolutely give them to her. Not doing so will likely make things worse. If she doesn't think it's enough then I'd say that's her fault; not yours.
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    The hardest thing for a mother to hear their child say to them is "you're not doing a good job though", and the likes.
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    (Original post by sunhurricane26)
    I understand that occasionally emotions can overwhelm us, and I know that being accused and snarky comments like that from your mum can make you really angry. But your comment was hurtful and in my opinion, it was out of order. I think you should apologise, especially as it's Mother's Day.
    But its like everything I ever bought her was unappreciated in that comment. I thought last year that spending £150 on her was thoughtful as i didnt have much money and make sacrafices to buy her a coin set that she wanted. Its this that angered me really and plus my aunt blurting out that its not about money after id given her money in a card lol. Though i know the aunt didnt imply it in that context she wasnt talking about her card (i dont think). I just felt annoyed and felt like walking out. Like i was being attacked a bit.

    My mum has got flowers for tomorrow, something i never used to get but 2 years ago she mosned that she never got them so niw ive started getting them. Im skint at the moment so just these and a card.
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    Reading this, my heart breaks for your Mum. She made a comment that she felt you didn't care about her (which I understand you felt was unfair) - but then you essentially deepened that feeling by saying your aunt might be a be a better mother. God, that is a truly cruel and wounding thing to say. Forget the flowers - go and apologise, swallow your pride and tell your Mum that you love her and you just said it in anger.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    The hardest thing for a mother to hear their child say to them is "you're not doing a good job though", and the likes.
    My comment was bang on que then Im usually crap at responding to peoples comments i tend to just stay silent and get picked on but this just came out.

    Nah it was below the belt i agree but she should have been more mature and not turned my cousins card into a way to get at me. She does this often with things. I know there are more important things than petty arguments so i'l just give her her card tomorrow and try and forget it, see how she is.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I dont show affection though in words its not in my nature like i dont say i love you. I couldnt bring myself to.
    I am exactly like this too and I hate myself for it. Every day, every phone call, my Mum says "I love you" at the end and I say "Ok Mum...". It's something engrained and prideful, it makes me squirm, but I do try to show it in all other ways that I can so that she knows. I find it far less awkward with friends/partner, etc.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My comment was bang on que then Im usually crap at responding to peoples comments i tend to just stay silent and get picked on but this just came out.

    Nah it was below the belt i agree but she should have been more mature and not turned my cousins card into a way to get at me. She does this often with things. I know there are more important things than petty arguments so i'l just give her her card tomorrow and try and forget it, see how she is.
    Yeah ouch
    she's only human init.
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    (Original post by AmyJ)
    I am exactly like this too and I hate myself for it. Every day, every phone call, my Mum says "I love you" at the end and I say "Ok Mum...". It's something engrained and prideful, it makes me squirm, but I do try to show it in all other ways that I can so that she knows. I find it far less awkward with friends/partner, etc.
    I know thats exactly me Im not as embarrased with a boyfriend but i still appear cold. I wish i could be different but im not i try to compensate in other ways too like spending time/doing things with people and doing them favours. I should really start initiating hugs with friends though as everyone seems to do it but me : / I just cant.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know thats exactly me Im not as embarrased with a boyfriend but i still appear cold. I wish i could be different but im not i try to compensate in other ways too like spending time/doing things with people and doing them favours. I should really start initiating hugs with friends though as everyone seems to do it but me : / I just cant.
    I don't hug much, either. It feels false and contrived (like hugging hello/goodbye, which I hate), or just needless. Because I feel like that, I tend to stand awkwardly like a plank of wood until the experience is over.

    On the few occasions when I do initiate hugs, it's usually to express stronger emotions such as comforting someone bereaved, or seeing someone you've missed a lot. In those situations I fling both arms around them and squeeze, stroke their hair/back, the full works! So I think I'm bear hugs or nothing, really!
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    Sounds like you're having trouble admitting you're in the wrong
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    (Original post by bones-mccoy)
    Sounds like you're having trouble admitting you're in the wrong
    I was wrong in what I said yes and my mum was also wrong in what she said, like me she could also do with thinking before she speaks. If I was judging the situation from an outsiders perspective this is what I would say.
 
 
 
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