Am i too controlling?

Okay so I let my boyfriend go to his friend's birthday party and his ex bff who liked him (way back when they were friends) is also invited. But when we started dating the girl keeps sending him dms that I didn't know, she also invited my bf to go with her to a concert so they can clear things up without asking me firstt, she's also stand too close to him, always. We almost got into a fight because she's angry with me for being angry for her actions. She's always telling my bf that Im always overreacting. But I don't know if she still likes him because she already got a boyfriend right now. So anyways while my boyfriend was on his way to the house l, the girl literally insisted to pick him up and I don't how I would feel about that and since it's a party and there's definitely alcohol. My bf was not drunk but he messaged me that he wants to stay over to his friend's house. I told him no, we argued a little. The thing is I never really liked his friends because they like the other girl better than me. They were also saying things behind my back but whenever my boyfriend was around they are nice to me. Did I do the right thing? or Am I being too controlling?

Reply 1

gjd800

Original post by ChickenMadness

The way you started the post tells me you're controlling without having to read the rest lol.

Haha, in one.

Reply 2

username3818132

If you are his girlfriend, why not go with him? Regardless if you are invited or not. If he gets invited, that means you got invited too. If you are with him at all times, I guess there is no problems

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

I wouldn't trust your boyfriend one bit, if i were you. The "staying over at his friends house" was a euphemism for him playing away. Most probably with his ex, but maybe with somebody else.

Forget trying to control him. Get a boyfriend that doesn't have the baggage of his ex sniffing round all the time.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by neluxsan

But his friends told him that he's the only one invited, I don't want to be like an intruder or something. His friends also hate me.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by ChickenMadness

The way you started the post tells me you're controlling without having to read the rest lol.

Well maybe you could read the rest?

Reply 6

barneywherry

Original post by neluxsan

Your joking right?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by barneywherry

Your joking right?

yeah his friends hates me, and i don't wanna be intruding or something.

Reply 8

username3818132

Original post by barneywherry

Your joking right?

I mean I'm not an expert in this.... But I thought that's how it was....

Reply 9

username3818132

Original post by Anonymous

But his friends told him that he's the only one invited, I don't want to be like an intruder or something. His friends also hate me.

I think you did the right thing..... Since you felt uncomfortable about him staying at their house..... Shame he didn't listen to you....

Reply 10

DrawTheLine

Original post by Anonymous

Well maybe you could read the rest?

Don't really need to. You're a controlling person if you "let" your boyfriend go to places. That's not healthy.

Reply 11

StriderHort

Little of column A little of column B.... The language you use is pretty controlling,, you 'let' him go, and when he wanted to stay out you said 'no'. Unless he's given you good cause to doubt him it's a bit out of line saying where he can and can't go. You don't like his friends and they don't like you so that kinda sucks, and puts him in a pretty nasty position in the middle if it means arguments and fights if he wants to see them.

Yeesh, i'm trying to find a nicer way to say this, but yeah your attitude sounds pretty possessive and controlling, and his friends will see that and not like it. This seems to stem from your insecurities about the old friend (not even an ex?) which are getting projected onto him. You MIGHT not be wrong, and picking up what you see as a clear threat, but trying to control where he goes and talks to will not help and if anything will just push him towards someone else.

Thinking on it, I've seen plenty poor guys come to parties, and then have to spend most of the evening in the bathroom or outside on the phone to their partner the whole time, basically being nagged for being there (Boyfriends are different, they tend to physically show up uninvited at or outside parties loudly demanding if any men know where their girl is, usually giving the evil eye and wearing a tank top).

Reply 12

doodle_333

Very controlling. If he wants to cheat he's gonna lie to you and do it. If he tells you he's getting a lift off someone then there's not gonna be anything going on. But you 'let' him go out. You said 'no' when he said he wanted to do something. And some random girl needs YOUR permission to say something to him? That's not right. No wonder his mates hate you.

Reply 13

barneywherry

Original post by neluxsan

I mean I'm not an expert in this.... But I thought that's how it was....

Nope nope nope. Just because your partner is invited doesn’t mean you are

Reply 14

lizzieann96x

Original post by neluxsan

no it doesn't

in a relationship you're two individual, autonomous people, not some kind of conjoined mess of hormones that cannot breathe without each other

Reply 15

QueenKagami

Original post by lizzieann96x

no it doesn't

in a relationship you're two individual, autonomous people, not some kind of conjoined mess of hormones that cannot breathe without each other