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I think my flatmate - and supposedly good friend - made me a victim of fraud
Anonymous for obvious reasons, but please keep it as such.
Okay, I really want to get this down somewhere as it's been driving me mad all day. To start, the last time I used my card was on the 8th, when I was getting money outside a shop. As such, I didn't check my wallet for my card and thus got a fright when I noticed it was gone today. I went to the bank and got a print-out of the latest transactions, cancelled the card, ordered a replacement, etc. It turns out my card was used twice yesterday, conveniently in the hour I had a lecture. Me and my flatmate had been up all night watching films, and at one point he went into my room alone to get a mug of his, which is when I suspect he took my card. Now, this may not seem like much at the moment, but on the 8th, we both got money out the same machine and he made a "joke" about seeing my PIN (I did think he seemed a little weird when he said it, but shook it off).
Now, I left for my lecture almost as soon as my lecture started (when he would have had the first opportunity to use my card). I managed to get the times and locations of the transactions, and unfortunately, in the first location, there are 2 ATM's and the one with the CCTV camera was out of order so no footage there. However, I found out the second, which is outside a shop, has a camera on the door of the shop. I convinced the manager to let me see the footage (I had been to the police and student services for my uni by this point) and he agreed, asking me to describe his clothing first. We got to the time the transaction was made and someone wearing the exact same clothes I described appeared, and the zoom confirmed it was him. Now there is no actual video of him using the ATM, but the exact time he is seen doing it and the only person who had the chance to know my PIN. Both machines had the PIN entered correctly first time, too.
I haven't brought it up with him as I have more things to sort out tomorrow, but I've just had to avoid him as I feel so angry I actually want to hurt him. I feel incredibly betrayed as I have been nothing but a great friend to him. I've lent him so much of my stuff and been incredibly generous. I feel completely used and I'm really struggling to keep rational. I have done nothing to deserve this and it's at the point where I actually hope he dies. Annoyingly we already have a deposit on a house for next year, so that just overcomplicates things unnecessarily.
I need advice... I want to prosecute him as I refuse to let a backstabber get away with theft and fraud. The lecture I was in had a relatively small turn out (25 people absolute maximum) and a few people I recognise (not friends) could likely vouch for my presence at the time. The CCTV in the shop correctly identified him at the time of the second transaction, my card has been cancelled and I have contacts to use tomorrow morning. I think I have done all I can, but I'm finding it very hard not to confront him now. I want to tell him I can get him prosecuted and demand my money back, and then be done with him for good, but what if this all one huge coincidence? Not likely in my opinion, but it's always possible. It just all adds up. Please help.
Okay, I really want to get this down somewhere as it's been driving me mad all day. To start, the last time I used my card was on the 8th, when I was getting money outside a shop. As such, I didn't check my wallet for my card and thus got a fright when I noticed it was gone today. I went to the bank and got a print-out of the latest transactions, cancelled the card, ordered a replacement, etc. It turns out my card was used twice yesterday, conveniently in the hour I had a lecture. Me and my flatmate had been up all night watching films, and at one point he went into my room alone to get a mug of his, which is when I suspect he took my card. Now, this may not seem like much at the moment, but on the 8th, we both got money out the same machine and he made a "joke" about seeing my PIN (I did think he seemed a little weird when he said it, but shook it off).
Now, I left for my lecture almost as soon as my lecture started (when he would have had the first opportunity to use my card). I managed to get the times and locations of the transactions, and unfortunately, in the first location, there are 2 ATM's and the one with the CCTV camera was out of order so no footage there. However, I found out the second, which is outside a shop, has a camera on the door of the shop. I convinced the manager to let me see the footage (I had been to the police and student services for my uni by this point) and he agreed, asking me to describe his clothing first. We got to the time the transaction was made and someone wearing the exact same clothes I described appeared, and the zoom confirmed it was him. Now there is no actual video of him using the ATM, but the exact time he is seen doing it and the only person who had the chance to know my PIN. Both machines had the PIN entered correctly first time, too.
I haven't brought it up with him as I have more things to sort out tomorrow, but I've just had to avoid him as I feel so angry I actually want to hurt him. I feel incredibly betrayed as I have been nothing but a great friend to him. I've lent him so much of my stuff and been incredibly generous. I feel completely used and I'm really struggling to keep rational. I have done nothing to deserve this and it's at the point where I actually hope he dies. Annoyingly we already have a deposit on a house for next year, so that just overcomplicates things unnecessarily.
I need advice... I want to prosecute him as I refuse to let a backstabber get away with theft and fraud. The lecture I was in had a relatively small turn out (25 people absolute maximum) and a few people I recognise (not friends) could likely vouch for my presence at the time. The CCTV in the shop correctly identified him at the time of the second transaction, my card has been cancelled and I have contacts to use tomorrow morning. I think I have done all I can, but I'm finding it very hard not to confront him now. I want to tell him I can get him prosecuted and demand my money back, and then be done with him for good, but what if this all one huge coincidence? Not likely in my opinion, but it's always possible. It just all adds up. Please help.
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Reply 2
Go ahead with the prosecution - whoever did it deserves to be punished.
But I dont think its a good idea to confront your friend. Its a police matter and its best to leave it in their hands. You confronting your friend will only complicate matters so leave it to the police. I'd suggest you just try and stay out of your friends way - hurling accusations at this point when he could be innocent isnt going to help anyone and will just make things worse in the long term
I hope you get everything sorted, but for now just leave it to the police
But I dont think its a good idea to confront your friend. Its a police matter and its best to leave it in their hands. You confronting your friend will only complicate matters so leave it to the police. I'd suggest you just try and stay out of your friends way - hurling accusations at this point when he could be innocent isnt going to help anyone and will just make things worse in the long term
I hope you get everything sorted, but for now just leave it to the police
Reply 3
I think you should face him up about it first and do what you said, scare him with the threat of prosecution and demand your money back. If he caves instantly and gives your money back, tell him afterwards that the friendship is over, and you should then possibly go as far as having a lock fitted to your door. If he denies everything, tell him he was warned and do exactly what you threatened.
I can't imagine how you must feel because of this but it must be absolutely awful. What a dick!
I can't imagine how you must feel because of this but it must be absolutely awful. What a dick!
Reply 4
Please don't hesitate with pressing charges. It is bad enough when this sort of thing is done by a stranger, but by someone who is meant to be your friend is awful. I hope it all gets sorted.
Reply 5
MSB
I think you should talk to them before going to the police, but don't be too reluctant to get the law involved. It's your money.
Already gone there.
Bank -> Police -> Student Services -> Shop to check CCTV.
^^ order of doing things.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with a counsellor to discuss it all, aftermath wise in a sense, as if he isn't arrested/kicked out of uni, etc. then I'll want to change halls (and need to change housing for next year, too, I guess). The shop also told me to phone in the morning as they are doing a check tomorrow morning with the ATM company/supplier. As far as I know he is unaware I know, but I wonder if he'll find it strange I haven't told him my card has gone missing, as he knows I went down town today for shopping.
Reply 6
I don't really have any advice as you seem to have thought everything through and done everything you possibly could do at this stage.
But I really, really hope you get it sorted.
But I really, really hope you get it sorted.
Reply 7
Firstly you should keep your personal belongs away from prying eyes, don't let anyone in your room without you being in there yourself. You should have kept a look out when you were typing out your pin. You need to find out more evidence, before you start blaming anyone. Because you can break up firendships in your flat. Have you checked out all of your receipts? I am going to bring up the first point again of keeping your belongs away in the future.
Reply 8
Anonymous
Tomorrow I have a meeting with a counsellor to discuss it all, aftermath wise in a sense, as if he isn't arrested/kicked out of uni, etc. then I'll want to change halls (and need to change housing for next year, too, I guess). The shop also told me to phone in the morning as they are doing a check tomorrow morning with the ATM company/supplier. As far as I know he is unaware I know, but I wonder if he'll find it strange I haven't told him my card has gone missing, as he knows I went down town today for shopping.
If you didn't know it was him, would it enter your mind even once that it could be? I doubt it. He obviously thinks he's been clever, and knows you probably wouldn't say anything about it because you'd think it had nothing to do with him. He really has taken you for a ride here, it's awful when your heart is in the right place and someone abuses your trust, etc.
Reply 9
Tell him your card went missing, someone used it to steal money from you and that the police are now involved. If he really did do it then he will (hopefully) crap himself but if he actually didn't then you save yourself the embarrassment of accusing an innocent good friend and still having to rejig your housing next year.
Reply 10
Larapink
Firstly you should keep your personal belongs away from prying eyes, don't let anyone in your room. You should have kept a look out when you were typing out your pin. You need to find out more evidence, before you start blaming anyone. Because you can break up firendships in your flat. Have you checked out all of your receipts? I am going to bring up the first point again of keeping your belongs away in the future.
I wasn't aware he was looking over my shoulder, I don't have eyes in the back of my head. We were just talking normally. We were in my room for hours watching films, I just didn't think at the time not to let him go in my room on his own, even for a few seconds; I was tired at the time so not thinking properly.
And receipts of what? I don't take receipts when I withdraw cash if that's what you mean, but I have a print-out of my card's latest pay-outs (last 17 or so) and I find it a little too hard to believe that 10 mins after I leave my flat for the first time in 2 days the card is used and then I see him entering the shop at the same time as a transaction. This isn't just throwing around accusations; I've carefully looked at this and I think you're being rather ignorant to talk about breaking up friendships.
Reply 11
Just tell the police and let them deal with it. Have you told your other flatmates? Maybe they should be on the look out..? Did he take a substantial amount of money?
What a crap friend, no wonder you are angry at him, it's a major betrayal.
What a crap friend, no wonder you are angry at him, it's a major betrayal.
Reply 12
randomgirl
Just tell the police and let them deal with it. Have you told your other flatmates? Maybe they should be on the look out..? Did he take a substantial amount of money?
What a crap friend, no wonder you are angry at him, it's a major betrayal.
What a crap friend, no wonder you are angry at him, it's a major betrayal.
No, I don't want him to know yet and I don't trust any of the others enough to keep it a secret. Besides, I'm finding it a very hard time to trust anyone at present. He took £140, which is a lot for me.
Reply 13
devils_nose
Tell him your card went missing, someone used it to steal money from you and that the police are now involved. If he really did do it then he will (hopefully) crap himself but if he actually didn't then you save yourself the embarrassment of accusing an innocent good friend and still having to rejig your housing next year.
I agree with the first part actually, maybe mention that you have lost your card. See what he says. Although unlike ^ poster, I do believe you have evidence enough to know it's him tbh.
Reply 14
Anonymous
No, I don't want him to know yet and I don't trust any of the others enough to keep it a secret. Besides, I'm finding it a very hard time to trust anyone at present. He took £140, which is a lot for me.
It would be a lot to me too, and most students infact.
Just wait for the police to sort it then, and make sure you are on guard and protective of your things, incase he strikes again with something else. good luck sorting it
Anonymous
Already gone there.
Bank -> Police -> Student Services -> Shop to check CCTV.
^^ order of doing things.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with a counsellor to discuss it all, aftermath wise in a sense, as if he isn't arrested/kicked out of uni, etc. then I'll want to change halls (and need to change housing for next year, too, I guess). The shop also told me to phone in the morning as they are doing a check tomorrow morning with the ATM company/supplier. As far as I know he is unaware I know, but I wonder if he'll find it strange I haven't told him my card has gone missing, as he knows I went down town today for shopping.
Bank -> Police -> Student Services -> Shop to check CCTV.
^^ order of doing things.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with a counsellor to discuss it all, aftermath wise in a sense, as if he isn't arrested/kicked out of uni, etc. then I'll want to change halls (and need to change housing for next year, too, I guess). The shop also told me to phone in the morning as they are doing a check tomorrow morning with the ATM company/supplier. As far as I know he is unaware I know, but I wonder if he'll find it strange I haven't told him my card has gone missing, as he knows I went down town today for shopping.
Jesus ****ing Christ, what is the world coming to. Mate I am so so sorry for you, I would be absolutely livid if I were you. I would at least wait and see what the counsellor has to say tomorrow, if you've already spoken to the police then perhaps see what they suggest re: confronting him? I don't know much about this kind of thing but presumably he still has the card he took - is there any way for the bank to track attempted transactions on a cancelled card? Because if you could get a record for where someone tried to use the card and get evidence that he was in that place at that time (perhaps a conversation recorded on a dictaphone?) then that would be further proof that he stole the card. Though thinking about it, maybe you should just let the police deal with it. If he's enough of a prick to nick your money by stealing your card, he'll probably dispose of the card if you confront him, before the police can find it in his possession.
Reply 16
devils_nose
Tell him your card went missing, someone used it to steal money from you and that the police are now involved. If he really did do it then he will (hopefully) crap himself but if he actually didn't then you save yourself the embarrassment of accusing an innocent good friend and still having to rejig your housing next year.
It's a good idea, that, but some people are exceptionally good liars and don't fear any kind of confrontation; on one side you could say he is a coward for having stolen from you, but he's a bit too cocky to then think he could do over a good friend and get away with it. He may very well be the kind of person to deny all involvement up until he knows there's proof of his guilt, and even then he might still try to waggle his way out of it.
Reply 17
Anonymous#1
I wasn't aware he was looking over my shoulder, I don't have eyes in the back of my head. We were just talking normally. We were in my room for hours watching films, I just didn't think at the time not to let him go in my room on his own, even for a few seconds; I was tired at the time so not thinking properly.
And receipts of what? I don't take receipts when I withdraw cash if that's what you mean, but I have a print-out of my card's latest pay-outs (last 17 or so) and I find it a little too hard to believe that 10 mins after I leave my flat for the first time in 2 days the card is used and then I see him entering the shop at the same time as a transaction. This isn't just throwing around accusations; I've carefully looked at this and I think you're being rather ignorant to talk about breaking up friendships.
And receipts of what? I don't take receipts when I withdraw cash if that's what you mean, but I have a print-out of my card's latest pay-outs (last 17 or so) and I find it a little too hard to believe that 10 mins after I leave my flat for the first time in 2 days the card is used and then I see him entering the shop at the same time as a transaction. This isn't just throwing around accusations; I've carefully looked at this and I think you're being rather ignorant to talk about breaking up friendships.
Receipts of what you buy, check to see if any of your rent money has been taken from uni/student housing, or anyother costs of uni. So just keep on track whats been taken out of your account.
I am not being ignorant about friendships, alot of things have happend to me in the past something almost similar happend to me but I am not about to go into that. I know what I am talking about. I also, live in a uni flat of bitchy girls and we don't get along.
Reply 18
Be careful, your personal safety should always come first if you decide to confront him, maybe get a friend to come with you.
Don't forget that anything you say to him has the potential to be used agaisnt you in court and if you threaten him, it might make things more difficult legally. I know you probably feel you have a right to threaten him after he has stolen from you but thats just the way it works. Be the better person and leave this to the police I say. I know it must be awful for you, I think many of us would be very angry in your position, but if you're sure its him, I personally think the police would be best to deal with this.
Don't forget that anything you say to him has the potential to be used agaisnt you in court and if you threaten him, it might make things more difficult legally. I know you probably feel you have a right to threaten him after he has stolen from you but thats just the way it works. Be the better person and leave this to the police I say. I know it must be awful for you, I think many of us would be very angry in your position, but if you're sure its him, I personally think the police would be best to deal with this.
Reply 19
I think I would say tell him your cards been stolen and the police are involved so that he would crap his pants like devils_nose said. But then maybe that would give him enough time to make up a story? I know a story wouldn't count for much without evidence to counter yours but still...
Also - how much money did he effectively steal? (although obviously any amount is unacceptable)
Also - how much money did he effectively steal? (although obviously any amount is unacceptable)
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