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Should I break up with him? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter

    So I'm currently in year 13. I have been with this guy for a year and a half, and I am in love with him. We have been through a lot together, he looks after me, he's definitely a good guy. My family like him and his family likes me and have helped me through so much. We have travelled together and even been to Australia together.

    I am completely in love with him, but its my first proper relationship. How do I know what else is out there? Part of me really wants to be single, but I love him and I know it will break mine and his heart if I broke up with him and may regret it. But in September we will both be going to uni, and we both want to go to the same uni. Part of me wishes we were going to different ones, just so we had that separation, and if we did drift apart, the breakup would be easier to deal with, but the fact of the matter is, I really do want to go to that uni, and not for him.

    Recently I went to a rave with my friends, and even though he told me not to do drugs, and If I did he would break up with me, I did do MDMA, and was honest with him about it. He was really angry at me but forgave me, but has said he doesn't want me to go to raves anymore. But the thing is, I really want to and I really enjoy them, I don't even care about the drugs, just the music and the atmosphere, but he is threatening to break up with me if I go to another. I find it ironic, because even though pot isn't in the same class as MDMA, he smokes it all the time with friends from work.

    In general our relationship has been great. He did break up with me once around 6 months ago when he was going through some family issues, which really broke my heart, but he came back to me a few days later. A week later I found he had been messaging and flirting with a girl he used to know when he went on this 'break' with me, which really broke my heart, but I forgave him, he blocked her on everything and things have been fine since.

    My question is, do you think we should split? I can definitely envisage us staying together for a long time, am deeply in love with him and don't want to hurt him, but at the same time, how do I know what else is out there, and maybe uni will make us drift apart?t
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    • #2

    Yes I think you should. He also sounds a bit odd not wanting you to go to raves. They're way better than you're average club with creepy older men.
    • #3

    I think you shouldn't. It'll just cause pain to you. Your nights will be ruined. I guess, he just wants you to be safe. You're lucky to have a caring boyfriend

    Well, I think many are in your same exact situation. First off, you have the right to go anywhere you want unless you're married to him. He can't tell you that you can't go to raves. He needs to respect you as an individual and not as you and him being one. I think going to different universities wouldn't be a bad idea, if you are curious to know about what else is out there, you will have a better chance at that if you are a part from him. Also, distance can make or break a relationship, and it would be better for you to know now if you guys are in it for the long run or not. Uni is a whole other experience and you should be able to enjoy it to the fullest. But talk to him first, and tell him how you feel and go from there.

    (Original post by alicesmiloves)
    unless you're married to him.
    this is a terrible rule for life; someone else's reign on your personal freedom should not depend on societal contracts unless we're talking about your parents and you're under 18.

    He absolutely can tell you what to do. This is called communication. You are then supposed to talk about this and reach a compromise. If he wants to break up with you if you go to another rave, that's his decision and it is your responsibility as a couple to find out how this can work without it going that way.

    there's also something else that no one else has picked up on
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Recently I went to a rave with my friends, and even though he told me not to do drugs, and If I did he would break up with me, I did do MDMA
    maybe this is why he doesn't want you to go to raves. i'm going to assume that you agreed to his demands because if you didn't he would have just been mad that you went to the rave in the first place. if so, you abused his trust and it's perfectly understandable why he doesn't want you to go to another rave. give it some time, heal this little scratch between you and maybe you won't even have to compromise on anything next time you want to go to a rave. if you want to keep someone's trust in the future, don't abuse it in the first place.

    As for you wondering what else is out there, all I can say is that throwing something this good away out of sheer curiosity would probably be a huge mistake; you have someone who loves you who you love back and you know that love can withstand a bit of testing and bounce back, and you want 'something else' and are using a few bad moments in your relationship with your SO to justify throwing it all away for... well, what exactly? interpersonal bonds, like people, are one-of-a-kind and sometimes worth the sacrifice of NOT KNOWING WHAT IS OUT THERE. The question boils down to this, at the end: do you want to throw away something that you are lucky to have come across in early age or do you want to roll the dice again because you're afraid of making serious life choices and committing? because right now, that's the only reason i can see for you wanting to split.

    I'm not going to call you a w**** or a sl*t or say that you want to ride the c**k carousel because I don't know that about you. All I'm saying is that you need to address your fear of committment and then really assess whether or not you should break up from a reasonable perspective.

    I'd give it time. If you are at opposing universities then you will see if the relationship is really meant to be. Don't chose same uni for him, choose what YOU want to go at.

    Will he or you trust each other at opposing univetsities? Will he get with other girls? Will he or you cope with long distance?

    It's difficult to analyse but I'd just go with the flow and see how it goes once at University.

    In most cases better to split but see how he copes with it first :-)
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