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Student Leader Letter, about why I think i am a good candidate for this role watch

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    Hello, please can someone help me write this formal letter? I finished it, but i need some help checking it, correcting it, and adding anything more. There is no length limit.
    Here is copied text from an email sent to me:
    Applications should be made by:

    - writing a formal letter addressed to the Senior Leadership Team suggesting why you think you would be a good candidate for this role.

    Here is my letter:

    Dear Mrs. Devincenzi-Clemens and the Senior Leadership Team,

    I, Tomas Novotny (Year 9), am writing this letter in application for the position Student Leader.

    The Role of Student Leader requires someone who shows ‘desire and ability to actively support the community ethos of the school’ and someone who shows confidence in being a major representative for the school. I feel very strongly, that I would complete this task with high ‘accuracy’. During my two years at Prior Park Gibraltar, I have become aware of the strong community ethos that our school has. As the person specification mentions, I can ‘deal with confrontational circumstances with a sense of calm and composed nature’. I would like to be able to have the privilege and responsibility to make a significant contribution to the spirit/community ethos of the school that will not only benefit myself, but also others at Prior Park.
    Something I believe I could bring to the position of Student Leader would be the ability to speak to large groups of people with ‘good communication skills’. Since Middle School, I have loved to create Presentations and Talks about different subjects (especially things to do with my nationality), and I still do. I find myself very good at such tasks, and always enjoyed teaching new things to my peers, or even to my teachers. When I used to attend Loreto Convent School, the deputy Head Mistress/My Main Teacher in year 7 selected me and a couple others to participate in a Local Department of Education ‘Short Story Competition’. My story received a Runners Up reward in my age group (I believe it was Years 6+7). I have been also prescribed the role ‘Prefect’ in year 7. Furthermore, many of my friends in year 7 and year 8 thought I would be the Head Boy/Deputy Head Boy. The previous years Head Boy and Deputy Head Boy also told me that they believed I would have been picked as H.B or D.H.B. However, someone else was chosen, as this usually happens. Many rumors were going around my class about this choosing, and some even believed that the main teachers concentrated on other irrelevant specifications, nothing to do with school life, but that is another topic. Moreover, I have also represented my previous school, many times, at a local Chess Competition organized by Tradewise Gibraltar. I had won some prizes, including a trophy for first in my Year Category.
    Also, regarding the fact that we have a teacher assembly every 2/3 weeks, I think that it would be a good idea if we had a Student Leader, giving an assembly every month or so. This would be a fantastic opportunity to show the rest of the school what student leaders are currently discussing, and what they have agreed on. It would also be a great time to show all the work that the Student Leader Team has done for the school, and for its community. Also, I would like to encourage the school to set up an interactive notice board, which will have a section for every year group. This will help many students, in many ways.
    I would really like to be a member of the Student Leader Group, because I would like to give something back to the school, for such a fabulous education that it is providing to me/us and for all the little details that it does.
    I would like to be in cahoots in providing the school with my service in whatever needs doing with my initiative, ability to work within a team and as a competent Student Leader. For these reasons, I believe that I am well suited to the role as Student Leader and see it as a great opportunity to further show my commitment to the school.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Tomas Novotny (Year 9 Student)



    Thanks to anyone in advance. Tomas
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    (Original post by tomas530)
    Hello, please can someone help me write this formal letter? I finished it, but i need some help checking it, correcting it, and adding anything more. There is no length limit.
    Here is copied text from an email sent to me:
    Applications should be made by:

    - writing a formal letter addressed to the Senior Leadership Team suggesting why you think you would be a good candidate for this role.

    Here is my letter:

    Dear Mrs. Devincenzi-Clemens and the Senior Leadership Team,

    I, Tomas Novotny (Year 9), am writing this letter in application for the position Student Leader.

    The Role This shouldn't have a capital of Student Leader requires someone who shows ‘desire and ability to actively support the community ethos of the school’ and someone who shows confidence in being a major representative for the school. I feel very strongly, that I would complete this task with high ‘accuracy’. Give an example of how you would do this.

    I think this should be a new paragraph During my two years at Prior Park Gibraltar, I have become aware of the strong community ethos that our school has. As the person specification mentions, I can ‘deal with confrontational circumstances with a sense of calm and composed nature’. Again give an example of when you have done this. I would like to be able to have the privilege and responsibility to make a significant contribution to the spirit/community ethos of the school that will not only benefit myself, but also others at Prior Park.
    Something I believe I could bring to the position of Student Leader would be the ability to speak to large groups of people with ‘good communication skills’. Since Middle School, I have loved to create Presentations and Talks presentations and talks should be lower case about different subjects (especially things to do with my nationality), and I still do. I find myself very good at such tasks,I would talk about feedback you've been given, rather than your own opinion of yourself and always enjoyed teaching new things to my peers, or even to my teachers.

    New paragraph here When I used to attend Loreto Convent School, the deputy Head Mistress/My Main Teacher in year 7 selected me and a couple others to participate in a Local Department of Education ‘Short Story Competition’. My story received a Runners Up reward Should be award rather than reward in my age group (I believe it was Years 6+7) I wouldn't include the age group unless you are sure of it . I have been also prescribed Prescribed isn't the right word here- given would be fine the role ‘Prefect’ in year 7.[[ Furthermore, many of my friends in year 7 and year 8 thought I would be the Head Boy/Deputy Head Boy. The previous years Head Boy and Deputy Head Boy also told me that they believed I would have been picked as H.B or D.H.B. However, someone else was chosen, as this usually happens. Many rumors were going around my class about this choosing, and some even believed that the main teachers concentrated on other irrelevant specifications, nothing to do with school life, but that is another topic.]] I would leave all of this section out, as it just makes you sound bitter! Moreover, I have also represented my previous school, many times, at a local Chess Competition organized by Tradewise Gibraltar. I had won some prizes, including a trophy for first in my Year Category.
    Also, regarding the fact that we have a teacher assembly every 2/3 weeks, I think that it would be a good idea if we had a Student Leader, giving an assembly every month [[or so]] I'd leave out or so as it sounds too informal. This would be a fantastic opportunity to show the rest of the school what student leaders are currently discussing, and what they have agreed on. It would also be a great time to show all the work that the Student Leader Team has done for the school, and for its community. Also, I would like to encourage the school to set up an interactive notice board, which will have a section for every year group. This will help many students, in many ways. I would say how it would help students rather than just in many ways.
    I would really like to be a member of the Student Leader Group, because I would like to give something back to the school, for such a fabulous education that it is providing to me/us Chose one, don't use the slash, it's too informal and for all the little details that it does.This doesn't sound quite right, maybe rephrase this.
    I would like to be in cahoots In cahoots isn't quite the right phrase for this type of letter in providing the school with my service in whatever needs doing with my initiative, ability to work within a team and as a competent Student Leader. Could you give examples of these, rather than just stating your qualities? For these reasons, I believe that I am well suited to the role as Student Leader and see it as a great opportunity to further show my commitment to the school.

    Yours Sincerely,
    Tomas Novotny (Year 9 Student)



    Thanks to anyone in advance. Tomas
    First of all, I think this is mostly a really good letter. I hope you don't feel I've been too harsh in my criticism, but I just picked out all the places where I felt it could be improved. Mostly, it's just little changes.

    Check where you have used capitals, as sometimes you've used them for words that shouldn't be capitalised in English. Also, for a letter like this, I would try to keep a formal tone throughout the letter. This doesn't necessarily mean using long words etc, but it does mean avoiding informal punctuation e.g. / or - and informal phrasing e.g. or so and in cahoots. Try to phrase things precisely, rather than as you would if you were talking.

    I would definitely cut out the section about not being made head boy at your previous school. It just makes you sound bitter and doesn't have any place in this type of letter. If you want to mention it, all I would say is "Many other pupils at my previous school thought I would have made a good head boy" or something like that. But really, it's not relevant. If you don't make any other changes, then at least change this, as it's the sort of thing that will really put your teachers off.

    Finally, when applying for a position, it's always good to demonstrate you skills. A lot of people don't do this, even adults applying for jobs, but it's a good way to make yourself stand out. So, instead of just saying "
    I can ‘deal with confrontational circumstances with a sense of calm and composed nature'". It's better to give an example of when you've done this e.g. "When I was a prefect at my previous school, I helped resolve conflicts between pupils while staying calm myself" or something similar.

    Overall, like I say, it's a really good letter, and I hope you get the position!
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    Hi, ok thank you so much. I will follow your advice.
    Thanks a million! Tomas
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