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Poor boyfriend help watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    were both Muslims lol, and he is trying but obviously not hard enough. I know he's trying because he's always searching for one has done voluntary experience etc to increase his chances , but he has no inheritance or savings or nothing :/
    Only you can judge if he's really trying. I wouldn't judge someone for inheritance or savings - that is really shallow and materialistic.
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    (Original post by num.7)
    No.

    Having read all your posts this far, I can confidently say, without a doubt, that you two are simply not meant to be for each other unless you're more than happy to finance this lifestyle you seek by yourself.
    I intend to earn my own money but would expect my partner to finance our home, living expenses, bills,
    Family etc and to earn enough to live 'comfortably' without money troubles. I have no problem initially contributing to start us up, (splitting mortgage and buying a house together) but islamically, a man is supposed to provide and support his family. It's not my job to do that, I don't want to live in a **** small house in a *****y poor run down area either. I think what I want is too ambitious for him
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    Are you working yourself?

    You need to imagine what kind of future the two of you will have. if this is something you can work through, then that's good, but if you think you can't have a happy life together, better to think about ending things. have you talked to your partner about your concerns?
    I'm in uni with a part time weekend job, but yes I intend to work full time once I graduate. No I haven't, because it'll make him feel **** and I'll seem selfish and 'gold digging' (he hates that type)
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    (Original post by generallee)
    That is ridiculous.

    You are debating whether to stay with a man for the rest of your life, but can't tell him the truth because it will "hurt his ego?"

    Don't you think it will "hurt his ego" more if you marry him and are both deeply unhappy, or split up from him because he is getting nowhere in life?

    Relationships are based on truth, it is the bedrock of a happy marriage, it is everything. Egos get bruised along the way if we are truthful to each other, but they heal.
    I don't intend to marry anyone for the next five years atleast, if he doesn't find something half decent I can always tell him I don't think we're right for each other. I can't tell him because I know it will get to him and hurt him deeply because money has always been an issue for him, he'll feel like absolute **** and a poor loser if I tell him. He already does
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It will break me to end it at the same time. I do like him, a lot. But I hate the i royal stages of looking for a guy, getting to know them and opening up to them and start again by building a relationship. I'm crap at that , 😫😫😫
    This isn't the right guy for you though, if it was the money wouldn't be bothering you as much
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I intend to earn my own money but would expect my partner to finance our home, living expenses, bills,
    Family etc and to earn enough to live 'comfortably' without money troubles. I have no problem initially contributing to start us up, (splitting mortgage and buying a house together) but islamically, a man is supposed to provide and support his family. It's not my job to do that, I don't want to live in a **** small house in a *****y poor run down area either. I think what I want is too ambitious for him
    You sound very shallow and selfish - marriage is a partnership between two people. It's not just down to the man to provide everything.

    I feel sorry for your boyfriend...he deserves someone who respects him not someone looking for a meal ticket.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I intend to earn my own money but would expect my partner to finance our home, living expenses, bills,
    Family etc and to earn enough to live 'comfortably' without money troubles. I have no problem initially contributing to start us up, (splitting mortgage and buying a house together) but islamically, a man is supposed to provide and support his family. It's not my job to do that, I don't want to live in a **** small house in a *****y poor run down area either. I think what I want is too ambitious for him
    what are you trying to say?

    - you expect your partner to finance your home, living expenses and bills.
    - you expect your partner to provide and support your little family. (his family also includes his mom and dad, and siblings. and, islamically, i could have sworn he's meant to help them out too but whatever.)
    - you don't want to live in a small house in a poor area.

    - and you believe what you want is too ambitious for him.

    like i said, you two are incompatible.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unfortunately I think it’s over already, especially judging by the fact that you’re questioning your future with him. I was kinda in a similar situation last year, I was dating this amazing guy who has great principles and the mere thought of having his child one day made me cringed, why? Because he did seem ambitious he was 25 and had two jobs he was struggling but yet had no solid plan for the future. All the career ideas he had, he wasn’t making enough steps/ strategy to achieve this. I was literally 3 years younger than him earn more, I felt like I’m always thinking of reinventing my self and he wasn’t like that

    So it didn’t work out I because of “creative life differences” . I work hard (and I didn’t come from a wealthy family) so I’m attracted to that. I don’t think you should waste his time (and even if you stay you might have to deal with the annoying mother in law). Good luck!
    lol I'm guessing ur Asian since u mentioned mother in law. He's not Asian and fortunately, they don't do the whole staying with 'in laws thing'. (Also don't like the sound of his mum and dad at alllllll so don't intend to stay close by and deal with them much). I don't know man. One of the things that attracted me to him in the first place was that he was doing a good degree. I might give it another year at the most and see where he's at and if he's got a good future ahead. If not, I might just break it off
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I intend to earn my own money but would expect my partner to finance our home, living expenses, bills,
    Family etc and to earn enough to live 'comfortably' without money troubles. I have no problem initially contributing to start us up, (splitting mortgage and buying a house together) but islamically, a man is supposed to provide and support his family. It's not my job to do that, I don't want to live in a **** small house in a *****y poor run down area either. I think what I want is too ambitious for him
    is he a muslim too?
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    (Original post by Muttley79)
    You sound very shallow and selfish - marriage is a partnership between two people. It's not just down to the man to provide everything.

    I feel sorry for your boyfriend...he deserves someone who respects him not someone looking for a meal ticket.
    marriage is whatever people want it to be.

    if that's what she wants, who are we to judge? as long as both parties are aware what it entails and fully agree to it without being forced, then it's all fine and dandy.
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    (Original post by Allie4)
    Its perfectly fine to feel that way, lets face it a lot of men nowadays won't date and marry a woman who they may potentially have to support forever so likewise it will be a massive dealbreaker to a lot of women too. Has he proposed or talk to you about marriage? Because I strongly urge you to tell him straight that you won't even contemplate marrying him until he gets a job.
    I want him to earn enough so that if in the future I have to leave my job or work part time to concentrate on children, I can do that without having to worry. I don't want him to 'support me for the rest of my life' I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself, thank you. Yes, we've spoke about marriage and he hasn't proposed (we're both not independently stable yet, and I've made it clear I don't want to get married any time soon). I haven't told him that because then he'll just think I'm a gold
    Digger who's after money
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol I'm guessing ur Asian since u mentioned mother in law. He's not Asian and fortunately, they don't do the whole staying with 'in laws thing'. (Also don't like the sound of his mum and dad at alllllll so don't intend to stay close by and deal with them much). I don't know man. One of the things that attracted me to him in the first place was that he was doing a good degree. I might give it another year at the most and see where he's at and if he's got a good future ahead. If not, I might just break it off
    I’m actually not Asian but I know a few Asians that don’t want the “evil mother in law” lifestyle (can you imagine). I also have a friend who is Christian and her partner was Muslim they were engaged and everything like 8 weeks before the wedding he stop talking to her because she didn’t like how controlling his mother was.

    Your boyfriend has a STEM degree employers are practically searching for graduates like him. He really needs to do something because his current approach is not working. And he might end up unemployed for years and if you truly love him and can see him as you husband, you need to be prepare to stay with him for the long haul.

    But I get you, I couldn’t imagine myself living a ruff life in London or anywhere else in some crappy ass area. Both you and your bf really need to talk ( forget ego you guys need a propa conversation/plan).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I'm going out with this guy, it's been around 2 years and we get on really well and everything but he's poor.
    His family are on benefits and he has a good degree but no job. I feel really bad but at the same time I know getting serious and married to him means I won't be getting the lifestyle I have. shall I go ahead with him

    I do love him but don't think he's 'irreplaceable' kinda thing but I do like what I have with him
    Do you love him, or are you in love with him? In my opinion those are two very different things. You love friends and family, but you can only be in love with whoever you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t base your decision on his financial situation; work out whether you can see yourself married and happy in the future, whether you want him to father your children, whether you want to wake up next to him every day and grow old together.

    Also, how does your situation compare? If you are employed, can you sit down and help him increase his employability? He doesn’t have to be poor if he puts his mind to it!
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    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    is he a muslim too?
    Yes, obviously..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I’m actually not Asian but I know a few Asians that don’t want the “evil mother in law” lifestyle (can you imagine). I also have a friend who is Christian and her partner was Muslim they were engaged and everything like 8 weeks before the wedding he stop talking to her because she didn’t like how controlling his mother was.

    Your boyfriend has a STEM degree employers are practically searching for graduates like him. He really needs to do something because his current approach is not working. And he might end up unemployed for years and if you truly love him and can see him as you husband, you need to be prepare to stay with him for the long haul.

    But I get you, I couldn’t imagine myself living a ruff life in London or anywhere else in some crappy ass area. Both you and your bf really need to talk ( forget ego you guys need a propa conversation/plan).
    I might encourage him to move out of London and look for a job elsewhere, but then part of me thinks he'll be bored all alone and might meet other women (at work, through socialising) and i really can't stand that thought either 😤

    I can't see a plan without him not having a job
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I might encourage him to move out of London and look for a job elsewhere, but then part of me thinks he'll be bored all alone and might meet other women (at work, through socialising) and i really can't stand that thought either 😤

    I can't see a plan without him not having a job
    With him not having a job* sorry
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    engineering
    My field, i'm an electrical engineer. Assuming he has a bachelors degree (or equivalent), he should have no problems getting a job. I know that in the Uk, the term "engineer" is used to apply to what is called "technicians" here - i.e. people with less than a 4 year bachelors degree. They will have more trouble finding jobs. Tell him to try "Monster.com", "Indeed.com", as well as sites such as "Oil-patch-jobs.jobsgalore.com", "alothome.com/Oil Patch Jobs", "Jobaccept.com/Oil/Jobs", "Oil.ItsMyCareer.com", and "jobsintheoilpatch.com".

    There are hundreds more. The above would be mainly useful if he's a mechanical engineer. For electrical, any of the EE firms such as "jobrapido.com/Career Mcdonnell Douglas/Jobs", "jobrapido.com/Aerospace Jobs/Jobs", "Aerospace.Jobs-to-Careers.com". Also use Google (or other search engines) to look for jobs in the appropriate engineering area.

    Many of these jobs will be outside the Uk. As, presumably, both of you are fluent in English/Yank, you are well positioned for international employment, as most times English is the predominant language. I worked for 3+ years in the near east, and developed a 'working knowledge' of the local language, but it was not really necessary to do my job. You should be able to turn up a job with a couple of days searching. Some of them [mainly those on government contracts] will require citizenship in a particular country - as an example, many "Monster.com" jobs require US citizenship. Others [those on Uk based contracts], would require Uk citizenship.

    I would recommend checking on three areas: What the arrangements are for 'medical evacuation' should it become necessary, what health care is provided as part of his employment contract, and what is the situation as far as 'diplomatic immunity' is concerned. In some areas, you could become involved in a legal mess, if you hire a taxi, and the driver hits someone. The injured party could maintain that you are liable, because if you hadn't hired the taxi, he wouldn't have been hit. That sounds bizarre, but i've seen it play out. Fortunately, the individual involved (not me), had immunity - so only the local taxi driver was at risk. If you are not married to the fellow, you probably couldn't claim relocation expenses, should you decide to relocate with him. I would recommend seeing some proof that he can earn a decent living before you get really involved with him. Best of luck!!!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, obviously..
    u need to remind him what his religion says so he takes it more seriously and if he still doesnt improve then you know hes not even serious about his religion
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    If you truly loved him you wouldn’t care if he’s poor, that’s not what love is- it’s not determined by material aspects. If he loved you and wanted to spend his life with you he would do anything possible to make it happen. It doesn’t matter about background you determine your own. If he’s willing to make a life for you then you go get him and life would be perfect. It’s not about having a rich lifestyle, it’s about being with someone who you truly love and feel comfortable around and doesn’t judge who you are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I want him to earn enough so that if in the future I have to leave my job or work part time to concentrate on children, I can do that without having to worry. I don't want him to 'support me for the rest of my life' I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself, thank you. Yes, we've spoke about marriage and he hasn't proposed (we're both not independently stable yet, and I've made it clear I don't want to get married any time soon). I haven't told him that because then he'll just think I'm a gold
    Digger who's after money
    Absolutely nothing gold-diggerish about wanting your future partner to not be a bum.
 
 
 
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