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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    were both Muslims lol, and he is trying but obviously not hard enough. I know he's trying because he's always searching for one has done voluntary experience etc to increase his chances , but he has no inheritance or savings or nothing :/
    How about he gets a temporary job in something mediocre in the meantime (retail or such) just to help himself while he searches for a more fitting job for his qualifications? I know most clarks stores in london are hiring :P the one in muswell hill is insanely short staffed
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    (Original post by Allie4)
    Absolutely nothing gold-diggerish about wanting your future partner to not be a bum.
    I have read that over 80% of SERIOUS arguments between couples are over money. In view of the fact that [in western society], the divorce rate is over 50%, and that in the majority of cases of divorce, the gal ends up with the kids, has trouble getting child support & has to support them herself. You can make a case for having the woman be the 'major' wage earner in the marriage. At least, if she were pulling in $80,000+, she would be much better positioned to pay for child care, so she can pursue her career.
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    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    u need to remind him what his religion says so he takes it more seriously and if he still doesnt improve then you know hes not even serious about his religion
    And u need to be quiet
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And u need to be quiet
    lmao what is exactly is wrong with what I said?
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    Just leave him for his own sake. You don't deserve him. Stop acting like a ****ing princess, you're not.
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    (Original post by Mimi9335)
    How about he gets a temporary job in something mediocre in the meantime (retail or such) just to help himself while he searches for a more fitting job for his qualifications? I know most clarks stores in london are hiring :P the one in muswell hill is insanely short staffed
    I don't know about the Uk, but in the states, the first thing a prospective employer does, in running a background investigation (BI) on a candidate, is to check their employment record. Having someplace like McDonalds or a grocery store on there, if you are (for example) an electrical engineer, is generally the 'kiss of death'. The (somewhat understandable) reaction of the prospective employer is: "If this guy/gal is competent, what's he doing flipping burgers???? Now, if you owned the store, that might be some excuse, but that is unlikely to be the case here.

    If you are consulting in your field, that's ok, even part time. Working totally outside your area, might be a risk to future employment. Presuming that the guy/gal has some industrial experience, a consulting arrangement might be available. I used to know a couple that 'job shopped' - a phrase used to describe people who take short term contracts to help a company 'over the hump' in - for example - launching a new product. The company needs software help for 3 to 6 months to get some code written. The couple would go to the work location, help out for the necessary time, and then leave. They did that for about 30 years. You are paid more than a regular employee, but your job ends when the need for your work ends. I taught during a layoff at a company i worked at (i have a master's degree - so i'm qualified to teach at the uni level). That lasted about 6 months, which was long enough to find and get another engineering job. I wish him luck, but if he holds a 4 yr degree, he should find something fairly soon (altho he may have to work outside the Uk). Cheers.
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    Why would he have to work outside the uk?
    (Original post by Rabbit2)
    I don't know about the Uk, but in the states, the first thing a prospective employer does, in running a background investigation (BI) on a candidate, is to check their employment record. Having someplace like McDonalds or a grocery store on there, if you are (for example) an electrical engineer, is generally the 'kiss of death'. The (somewhat understandable) reaction of the prospective employer is: "If this guy/gal is competent, what's he doing flipping burgers???? Now, if you owned the store, that might be some excuse, but that is unlikely to be the case here.

    If you are consulting in your field, that's ok, even part time. Working totally outside your area, might be a risk to future employment. Presuming that the guy/gal has some industrial experience, a consulting arrangement might be available. I used to know a couple that 'job shopped' - a phrase used to describe people who take short term contracts to help a company 'over the hump' in - for example - launching a new product. The company needs software help for 3 to 6 months to get some code written. The couple would go to the work location, help out for the necessary time, and then leave. They did that for about 30 years. You are paid more than a regular employee, but your job ends when the need for your work ends. I taught during a layoff at a company i worked at (i have a master's degree - so i'm qualified to teach at the uni level). That lasted about 6 months, which was long enough to find and get another engineering job. I wish him luck, but if he holds a 4 yr degree, he should find something fairly soon (altho he may have to work outside the Uk). Cheers.
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    (Original post by chris_mm)
    Just leave him for his own sake. You don't deserve him. Stop acting like a ****ing princess, you're not.
    I'm not acting like a princess, i simply don't want to lower my standard of living which I'll probably have to do if I end up with a poor guy. I'm just thinking about my future
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    You're approaching relationships all wrong. The only thing to think about is are you happy together. Take a step back. Think long and hard about that. It isn't his job to financially support you. You support each other equally because you love each other and you're stronger together.
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    This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here. You want to leave a guy because he doesn't earn enough money to let you live the lifestyle you want to. Sounds like golddigging on your behalf.
    SUPPORT YOURSELF! you don't need him to support you both, it's 2018 and women can work and earn enough to live a more than good enough lifestyle by themselves! You two should support each other not just him support you.
    Also, his mother and family came before you so stop being so self centred. He has every right to support his family, it is what you'll be asking him to do if you marry him after all. Your not his only family ffs.
    If he wasn't remotely trying to get a job then by all means your right in wanting to leve him over it. However you've said yourself that he is trying to get one. Finding a job is never easy and money is not everything.
    Break up with the poor fella, for his sake. Not having to marry a women who is more bothered about herself and her own money grabbing needs than the important things. Clearly only one of you have the right life values.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here. You want to leave a guy because he doesn't earn enough money to let you live the lifestyle you want to. Sounds like golddigging on your behalf.
    SUPPORT YOURSELF! you don't need him to support you both, it's 2018 and women can work and earn enough to live a more than good enough lifestyle by themselves! You two should support each other not just him support you.
    Also, his mother and family came before you so stop being so self centred. He has every right to support his family, it is what you'll be asking him to do if you marry him after all. Your not his only family ffs.
    If he wasn't remotely trying to get a job then by all means your right in wanting to leve him over it. However you've said yourself that he is trying to get one. Finding a job is never easy and money is not everything.
    Break up with the poor fella, for his sake. Not having to marry a women who is more bothered about herself and her own money grabbing needs than the important things. Clearly only one of you have the right life values.
    Exactly, OP needs a reality check.
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    I don't know why you're accusing me of being a gold digger. I'm pretty sure most girls look out for guys who can provide stability and security. It's in our nature to do that.

    I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm saying a future with him doesn't look bright at the moment and his financial situation has never been great at home. He doesn't have anyone or anything to support him or back him up if worse comes to worst.

    Sorry if I came across as selfish but I'm a bit skeptical about these things as I have two cousins who married guys who were not as well off and don't want to go through the same struggle as them. I really don't think I'm being gold digging or selfish since I'm going out with him when I could simply get with a more well off guy.

    I'm not asking for a luxury life style in Dubai. I'm simply asking or worried about the benefit life style and having to live on some crappy estate which I really would hate.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here. You want to leave a guy because he doesn't earn enough money to let you live the lifestyle you want to. Sounds like golddigging on your behalf.
    SUPPORT YOURSELF! you don't need him to support you both, it's 2018 and women can work and earn enough to live a more than good enough lifestyle by themselves! You two should support each other not just him support you.
    Also, his mother and family came before you so stop being so self centred. He has every right to support his family, it is what you'll be asking him to do if you marry him after all. Your not his only family ffs.
    If he wasn't remotely trying to get a job then by all means your right in wanting to leve him over it. However you've said yourself that he is trying to get one. Finding a job is never easy and money is not everything.
    Break up with the poor fella, for his sake. Not having to marry a women who is more bothered about herself and her own money grabbing needs than the important things. Clearly only one of you have the right life values.
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    (Original post by lizardlenny)
    You're approaching relationships all wrong. The only thing to think about is are you happy together. Take a step back. Think long and hard about that. It isn't his job to financially support you. You support each other equally because you love each other and you're stronger together.
    Yes I'm happy with him. But that's easy to say because I haven't moved in with him yet. I don't know what it would be like living with him, (we probably couldn't get the kind of place I want because he doesn't have the money)
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    place yourself under the care of the Almighty. He will provide for you both.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Getting married to someone means you intend to stick it out for not just the good but the bad too, so that means one of you being seriously ill or jobless or worse. If your lifestyle is important to you in that sense then I would be kind to him and end the relationship.
    Yeah this is best advice. If you're too much of an invertebrate to speak to him about it then end it lol. Enough people have vindicated your already made up mind, stop being a pussy and end for both your sakes 🙄
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    (Original post by somemightsay888)
    Yeah this is best advice. If you're too much of an invertebrate to speak to him about it then end it lol. Enough people have vindicated your already made up mind, stop being a pussy and end for both your sakes 🙄
    What if he gets a good job in the next six months though
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What if he gets a good job in the next six months though
    You need to stop being spineless then. Tell him if he wants this to be long term, he needs to get a job. Any job first. It's not easy for grads, 50% are unemployed. If he's done engineering has he applied to the typical schemes? It's cruel to blindside him. If after 6 months he hasn't even TRIED then by all means dump him in a way you see fit. But again, bear in mind you yourself might not get a grad job you think you'll so easily get. The recruiting process is ruthless now. Ofc if you've already got one then disregard the last sentence. But yeah. I get the feeling he has NO idea about how much of an issue it is.
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    (Original post by Rabbit2)
    I don't know about the Uk, but in the states, the first thing a prospective employer does, in running a background investigation (BI) on a candidate, is to check their employment record. Having someplace like McDonalds or a grocery store on there, if you are (for example) an electrical engineer, is generally the 'kiss of death'. The (somewhat understandable) reaction of the prospective employer is: "If this guy/gal is competent, what's he doing flipping burgers???? Now, if you owned the store, that might be some excuse, but that is unlikely to be the case here.

    If you are consulting in your field, that's ok, even part time. Working totally outside your area, might be a risk to future employment. Presuming that the guy/gal has some industrial experience, a consulting arrangement might be available. I used to know a couple that 'job shopped' - a phrase used to describe people who take short term contracts to help a company 'over the hump' in - for example - launching a new product. The company needs software help for 3 to 6 months to get some code written. The couple would go to the work location, help out for the necessary time, and then leave. They did that for about 30 years. You are paid more than a regular employee, but your job ends when the need for your work ends. I taught during a layoff at a company i worked at (i have a master's degree - so i'm qualified to teach at the uni level). That lasted about 6 months, which was long enough to find and get another engineering job. I wish him luck, but if he holds a 4 yr degree, he should find something fairly soon (altho he may have to work outside the Uk). Cheers.
    oh wow i didnt know that, it certainly makes sense that it wouldnt look good frequently shifting jobs outside of your profession. But i`m not sure if that`s how it is in the UK, i could be mistaken, but ive always been told that the more experience you have the better before you start the job you want to get into as it gives you a) more to talk about on your cv, and b) more transferable skills and new ways of working that may benefit your new employer.

    (unless obviously it gets ridiculous e.g working very short periods and switching jobs frequently)
    but yeah, with a degree it`s either that he`s not looking in the right places or he`s not trying hard enough
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    encourage him to get any job even if it's **** pay
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't know why you're accusing me of being a gold digger. I'm pretty sure most girls look out for guys who can provide stability and security. It's in our nature to do that.

    I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm saying a future with him doesn't look bright at the moment and his financial situation has never been great at home. He doesn't have anyone or anything to support him or back him up if worse comes to worst.

    Sorry if I came across as selfish but I'm a bit skeptical about these things as I have two cousins who married guys who were not as well off and don't want to go through the same struggle as them. I really don't think I'm being gold digging or selfish since I'm going out with him when I could simply get with a more well off guy.

    I'm not asking for a luxury life style in Dubai. I'm simply asking or worried about the benefit life style and having to live on some crappy estate which I really would hate.
    Wow, you really don't deserve this guy. If you can do so much better then go find someone else. Clearly you dont love or even care about him. Once agin showing how shallow and selfie you are.
    GET YOUR OWN JOB. nothing is stopping you, you are quite capable of providing for yourself and not living on benefits. How can you judge him based on his families financies, he cant change that and is clearly trying for a job.
    Get your head out your arse and stop acting like a golddigging princess. This poor guy having to deal with you.
 
 
 
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