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Is my boyfriends drug use getting out of hand? watch

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    My boyfriend has always been honest that he wanted to try drugs. Which I am completely against but accepted as just something we will never agree on.
    This year he finally started taking ecstasy and coke (which I despise) and I don’t really know what else. He’s been brutally honest with me and told me what he’s taken and when. And even though I don’t like it I’ve accepted it and am just glad he’s been honest with me. And it has been just a casual thing.

    Until I found texts on his phone saying that him and his housemate had sniffed something. Just sitting round the house. And that his mate had left xans on the table for him. I confronted him without saying I knew anything. And he lied straight to my face until I said I know you did take stuff. He said it was just a sleep thing really.

    He continues to say it’s just a casual thing. He doesn’t want it all the time so what’s the harm. In your opinion do you think it’s now getting out of hand?
    It’s more the fact he lied. Which makes me suspicious that even he knows it’s becoming a slippery slope cos he’s ashamed to even tell me. And he has those xans. Which he’s not gonna waste obviously. So it’s not just a one time thing is it!
    I’m just angry and upset. Cos I’ve tried so hard to be accepting to stop this happening. And I feel like I’m losing grip on my best friend.
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    yes
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    Are you against alcohol? And would you be pissed off if he drank alcohol without letting you know?
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    SalazarSlytherin no I wouldn’t. But is the secrecy of it not a indication that maybe he is starting to slip into an addiction to it? There’s no reason for him to hide it as I’ve been accepting this far. His personality over this last year has changed also. He is constantly tired and has lost all inspiration for life and school in general.
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    I don't think it sounds out of hand, it sounds quite normal and reasonably tame (for a typical uni student drug user), however it can very quickly get worse. A couple of my mates who were always against drugs now take them most days and have really let it affect their states and their uni work.
    I was never critical of my ex's drug habits because it was never out of control, just usually every other night out, and I didn't want to be naggy. But deep down I used to kind of hate when he'd take stuff on nights out because he'd be a different person and I'd just end up leaving him and his mates to it and hanging out with mine because I didn't like being around him. He would sometimes ask if I'd mind but I didn't want to hold him back so I'd just say yeah do whatever but I probs won't hang around with you the whole night.
    One of my mates used to constantly have a go at his girlfriend for her drug use and be really controlling. It really pushed them apart and she used to hate him for trying to stop her. Ironically she rarely takes anything these days and now he's the one taking sh*t every other day.
    It's difficult because right now your boyfriend just wants to fit in around his friends and if they're all dropping he'll always want to as well. So if you tell him not to then he's probably going to continue doing it and just do it behind your back.
    I think your best bet is to tell him his behaviour does worry you a bit and you don't want anything bad to happen but that you accept he wants to try. And that you won't be judgemental, you just don't want any more secrets because otherwise it'll worry you more. What I'd also recommend though, is going on a night out with him when he does take drugs and also go on a night out when he doesn't. And tell him how he's way more fun when he's not on the drugs.
    When I told my ex I preferred him when he wasn't on anything, he made more of an effort not to take stuff when he was out with me. Especially because he knew I wasn't gonna come home with him if he was gonna be on a comedown.
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    Out of hand? He's using hard drugs, is lying and is in state of denial. What more out of hand do you want?
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    I’ve never said that he can’t do it. I’ve just asked that he’s careful and let’s me know he is safe back home. I’m only now upset cos he’s hidden the fact he took what ever. When I’ve been accepting so far it doesn’t make sense to me for him to now hide it!
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    @Irman.g I don’t know if he’s in a state of denial. I guess maybe I’m downplaying it because I want to believe he’s okay and isn’t gonna get himself into trouble
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I’ve never said that he can’t do it. I’ve just asked that he’s careful and let’s me know he is safe back home. I’m only now upset cos he’s hidden the fact he took what ever. When I’ve been accepting so far it doesn’t make sense to me for him to now hide it!
    He probably thinks he's doing it for your own good so you don't worry about him. Tbh though he shouldn't need to be texting you and updating you all the time about this kind of stuff. I think you're coming across a little controlling/suffocating, you're not his mum. Just trust that he's a big boy who can look after himself. He probably knows you're "right" but doesn't want to admit every time he's doing drugs because he knows it'll be frowned upon.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think it sounds out of hand, it sounds quite normal and reasonably tame (for a typical uni student drug user), however it can very quickly get worse. A couple of my mates who were always against drugs now take them most days and have really let it affect their states and their uni work.
    I was never critical of my ex's drug habits because it was never out of control, just usually every other night out, and I didn't want to be naggy. But deep down I used to kind of hate when he'd take stuff on nights out because he'd be a different person and I'd just end up leaving him and his mates to it and hanging out with mine because I didn't like being around him. He would sometimes ask if I'd mind but I didn't want to hold him back so I'd just say yeah do whatever but I probs won't hang around with you the whole night.
    One of my mates used to constantly have a go at his girlfriend for her drug use and be really controlling. It really pushed them apart and she used to hate him for trying to stop her. Ironically she rarely takes anything these days and now he's the one taking sh*t every other day.
    It's difficult because right now your boyfriend just wants to fit in around his friends and if they're all dropping he'll always want to as well. So if you tell him not to then he's probably going to continue doing it and just do it behind your back.
    I think your best bet is to tell him his behaviour does worry you a bit and you don't want anything bad to happen but that you accept he wants to try. And that you won't be judgemental, you just don't want any more secrets because otherwise it'll worry you more. What I'd also recommend though, is going on a night out with him when he does take drugs and also go on a night out when he doesn't. And tell him how he's way more fun when he's not on the drugs.
    When I told my ex I preferred him when he wasn't on anything, he made more of an effort not to take stuff when he was out with me. Especially because he knew I wasn't gonna come home with him if he was gonna be on a comedown.
    I mean... he does coke.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He probably thinks he's doing it for your own good so you don't worry about him. Tbh though he shouldn't need to be texting you and updating you all the time about this kind of stuff. I think you're coming across a little controlling/suffocating, you're not his mum. Just trust that he's a big boy who can look after himself. He probably knows you're "right" but doesn't want to admit every time he's doing drugs because he knows it'll be frowned upon.
    I forgot to mention though. We are long distance which means I don’t get to see him the next day after a night out and see that he is okay. So I’m not expecting him to tell me on the night what he’s doing and getting a play by play of his night. I just like if he’s honest about what he did the night before or whatever and let’s me know he got home. Which is in my eyes a very small compromise for me who despises every aspect of drug taking.
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    (Original post by johnny.snow)
    I mean... he does coke.
    Yeah regular use isn't going to be great for his heart. Depends how addicted he gets.
    But relatively speaking at uni, regular drug taking is quite common which is why I said it sounds reasonably tame. Obviously it isn't tame for the average person, but for the average drug taking uni student it isn't that bad (which ofc is quite worrying).
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    (Original post by sarahhollin)
    I forgot to mention though. We are long distance which means I don’t get to see him the next day after a night out and see that he is okay. So I’m not expecting him to tell me on the night what he’s doing and getting a play by play of his night. I just like if he’s honest about what he did the night before or whatever and let’s me know he got home. Which is in my eyes a very small compromise for me who despises every aspect of drug taking.
    Text him the next morning and ask how his night was but don't ask him which drugs he took. Otherwise you will sound like his mum. You don't need to know all of the details and he'll sense that you're judging him and will be reluctant to tell you stuff.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Text him the next morning and ask how his night was but don't ask him which drugs he took. Otherwise you will sound like his mum. You don't need to know all of the details and he'll sense that you're judging him and will be reluctant to tell you stuff.
    Thankyou for your honesty. I appreciate it. I think it’s nice to hear someone else’s opinion who’s not my boyfriend. Im going to try and do what you have said and not expect to know everything, cos I don’t wanna push him away xx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thankyou for your honesty. I appreciate it. I think it’s nice to hear someone else’s opinion who’s not my boyfriend. Im going to try and do what you have said and not expect to know everything, cos I don’t wanna push him away xx
    Good luck. I'm sure he'll eventually see sense, just continue supporting him for now otherwise he might rebel.
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    Sounds horrendous and dangerous honestly
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    Drug incompatibility is a 100% instant relationship breaker.

    Find someone else without a coke habit. There will be plenty of candidates.
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    Either: you start taking drugs with him and you both have a strong druggy relationship.
    Or you do the smart thing and leave his ass, as this drug use is tearing your relationship apart bit-by-bit, and it's affecting you more than him.
    There are plenty of guys who do not do drugs, who would be worth your time at Uni or elsewhere.
 
 
 
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