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reaching out to ex who ghosted you watch

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    I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months. We were still in the honeymoon phase e.g. no arguments, going out all the time, everything was perfect. One night we had an argument (which I thought was resolved), only for him to ghost me after that and never speak to me again. I was heartbroken. He was ignoring all my calls, texts etc. He'd read the texts and not reply, and he kept me on all social media and didn't even block me despite how many times I called out of concern.

    A month ago, I sent him a RANT of texts (not proud!) telling him his behaviour was disgusting and inexcusable, that I deserved an explanation at least and I respected him more than this. It was quite a mature rant, no swearing or curse words. Sometimes I feel like texting him and just apologizing for what I said, how I don't want to hold a grudge and the guilt ate away at me, so I'm apologizing now bc better late than never.

    Is this a stupid move, or appropriate?
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    Are you likely to regret apologizing now if he doesn't respond to you?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months. We were still in the honeymoon phase e.g. no arguments, going out all the time, everything was perfect. One night we had an argument (which I thought was resolved), only for him to ghost me after that and never speak to me again. I was heartbroken. He was ignoring all my calls, texts etc. He'd read the texts and not reply, and he kept me on all social media and didn't even block me despite how many times I called out of concern.

    A month ago, I sent him a RANT of texts (not proud!) telling him his behaviour was disgusting and inexcusable, that I deserved an explanation at least and I respected him more than this. It was quite a mature rant, no swearing or curse words. Sometimes I feel like texting him and just apologizing for what I said, how I don't want to hold a grudge and the guilt ate away at me, so I'm apologizing now bc better late than never.

    Is this a stupid move, or appropriate?
    I'd have done the same. He is being an idiot. If I were you I'd think about moving on now. He clearly wants to act like a kid so let him, but it doesn't mean you need to stop your life or act the same way.
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    (Original post by chica3005)
    Are you likely to regret apologizing now if he doesn't respond to you?
    the thing is the content of those rant messages was the truth and he knows it. Things like not making big promises and giving me false hope if he doesn't plan on sticking around, or how him running away from me without even ending it with me is a cowardly move.

    I don't think he could even disagree with any of it, as I made sure to be brutally honest. I feel embarrassed about ranting, but I'm still happy that he was forced to read what he put me through, instead of walking away and leaving me to deal with what he'd done. I don't know if I'd regret apologizing if he doesn't reply.. good question
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    (Original post by Bham369)
    I'd have done the same. He is being an idiot. If I were you I'd think about moving on now. He clearly wants to act like a kid so let him, but it doesn't mean you need to stop your life or act the same way.
    I'm glad you agree. Honestly my apology is my way of making him feel less cautious and intimidated by me, so he can respond and perhaps explain why he just left out of nowhere. When I ranted to him, I called him out for all of his mistakes, I didn't beg, plead or even apologize. I told him the truth about how immaturely and disrespectfully he's behaving, and how he won't even give me the decency of an explanation etc. He can't even argue with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm glad you agree. Honestly my apology is my way of making him feel less cautious and intimidated by me, so he can respond and perhaps explain why he just left out of nowhere. When I ranted to him, I called him out for all of his mistakes, I didn't beg, plead or even apologize. I told him the truth about how immaturely and disrespectfully he's behaving, and how he won't even give me the decency of an explanation etc. He can't even argue with it.
    Get rid of him. If he does message you back then either tell him to piss off or just don't reply. You deserve better
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    Do you think maybe because he didn't block you it was his way of telling you he will be ready to speak at some point but not right now?
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    (Original post by chica3005)
    Do you think maybe because he didn't block you it was his way of telling you he will be ready to speak at some point but not right now?
    yes my gut feeling actually says that, then there's how he didn't officially break up with me which could be him 'leaving the door open for a reconciliation'. I was expecting to be blocked because I was calling him daily for a week, and texting him asking where he was, why he wasn't speaking to me, why he was angry with me etc. If he genuinely wanted to cut ties and I was annoying him, he'd block future contact. Instead he'd read all the texts I'd send, and he kept me on Instagram, Facebook etc weeks after ceasing contact. I don't know, but when I'm avoiding someone.. the last thing I'd do is read their message, I'd avoid clicking on their messages like the plague unless I was interested in what they had to say.

    The other truth is I never stopped missing him. He made me so happy, and we had it so good, he had me thinking about our future all the time. Since he left, it feels like something is missing and I think about him all the time because of how in love with him I was
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yes my gut feeling actually says that, then there's how he didn't officially break up with me which could be him 'leaving the door open for a reconciliation'. I was expecting to be blocked because I was calling him daily for a week, and texting him asking where he was, why he wasn't speaking to me, why he was angry with me etc. If he genuinely wanted to cut ties and I was annoying him, he'd block future contact. Instead he'd read all the texts I'd send, and he kept me on Instagram, Facebook etc weeks after ceasing contact. I don't know, but when I'm avoiding someone.. the last thing I'd do is read their message, I'd avoid clicking on their messages like the plague unless I was interested in what they had to say.

    The other truth is I never stopped missing him. He made me so happy, and we had it so good, he had me thinking about our future all the time. Since he left, it feels like something is missing and I think about him all the time because of how in love with him I was
    Aw that sounds like a really horrible situation because at the end of the day you just don't know what they're thinking. For your own sanity maybe you should just leave him for a while and see if he comes back? I was blocked by someone and I noticed recently they unblocked as much as I want to message them I have to avoid it, but for me that's a matter of pride lol. I'm putting it to the back of my mind and moving on
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    What is ghosted?
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    (Original post by _InnocentOne_)
    What is ghosted?
    when someone in a relationship just ignores you and doesn't break up with you officially.
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    I think there is something wrong with him. I believe it is much more than immaturity , he enjoys watching you suffering, that's why he doesn't block you on social media. There is a specific terminology for situations like this. If I were you I would google "devaluation phase", "narcisistic supply" and perhaps borderline personality traits. People who have experienced similar situations can only find peace with "the grey rock technique".
    Your craving for his love (which isn't really love, it is called love bombing) feeds him emotionally.
    Take distance and when your emotions are settled work on yourself. You probably are the type who is "too good" and attrackts abusive people.
    Sorry if I shocked you with this.
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    No idiot
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I think there is something wrong with him. I believe it is much more than immaturity , he enjoys watching you suffering, that's why he doesn't block you on social media. There is a specific terminology for situations like this. If I were you I would google "devaluation phase", "narcisistic supply" and perhaps borderline personality traits. People who have experienced similar situations can only find peace with "the grey rock technique".
    Your craving for his love (which isn't really love, it is called love bombing) feeds him emotionally.
    Take distance and when your emotions are settled work on yourself. You probably are the type who is "too good" and attrackts abusive people.
    Sorry if I shocked you with this.
    no you're spot on. I've been thinking the same thing for weeks. I've been researching it myself for a while. His behaviour is narcissistic and certain personality traits of his correlate with narcissistic behaviour exactly. He discussed all sorts - including marriage, and I've been discarded despite that (whether temporarily or permanently I'm not sure) because I stood up to him in an argument, then I proceeded to put him in his place again.

    and yes I really do have a habit of attracting emotionally abusive men it seems. My last ex was extremely controlling and possessive, but still, he wasn't as bad as this most recent ex. He'd never just disappear halfway through a relationship.
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    You shouldn't be with someone who ghosts you after an argument. Would you want someone like that in the long run? What happens if you fall out again? Not worth the emotional investment, walk away.
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    I'm assuming by reaching out to him you're deep down hoping he'll reconsider and think about taking you back? If so then I think you need to forget about him and move on. You've said your piece and if it was the truth then good, he needed to hear it. He was too much of a coward to break up with you in real life and discuss things like a mature adult. You don't need to apologise, it's him who should be reaching out to you. He doesn't deserve any more texts or wasted time. You texting again is going to make you look a bit pathetic and like you've been thinking about it constantly. The best way is to go no contact with him just like he is with you.
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    I would also recommend scrolling through https://www.instagram.com/textsfromyourex/?hl=en
    It will give you strength and it's also comforting to see people go through the same stuff
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    What was the argument that you had with him about? I feel you are playing down your role in the events that lead him not to speak to you. If that is the case your actions will only compound problems and keep him from talking to you.
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    (Original post by UWS)
    You shouldn't be with someone who ghosts you after an argument. Would you want someone like that in the long run? What happens if you fall out again? Not worth the emotional investment, walk away.
    that's true. I'd feel like if I was with him again, I'd be walking on eggshells around him, because I'd fear if I annoy him again, he'll just leave without warning.
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    (Original post by CookieButter)
    What was the argument that you had with him about? I feel you are playing down your role in the events that lead him not to speak to you. If that is the case your actions will only compound problems and keep him from talking to you.
    I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

    Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.
 
 
 
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