Turn on thread page Beta

reaching out to ex who ghosted you watch

    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months. We were still in the honeymoon phase e.g. no arguments, going out all the time, everything was perfect. One night we had an argument (which I thought was resolved), only for him to ghost me after that and never speak to me again. I was heartbroken. He was ignoring all my calls, texts etc. He'd read the texts and not reply, and he kept me on all social media and didn't even block me despite how many times I called out of concern.

    A month ago, I sent him a RANT of texts (not proud!) telling him his behaviour was disgusting and inexcusable, that I deserved an explanation at least and I respected him more than this. It was quite a mature rant, no swearing or curse words. Sometimes I feel like texting him and just apologizing for what I said, how I don't want to hold a grudge and the guilt ate away at me, so I'm apologizing now bc better late than never.

    Is this a stupid move, or appropriate?
    Leave him. You're way too good for him. Im sure you will find a better guy.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm assuming by reaching out to him you're deep down hoping he'll reconsider and think about taking you back? If so then I think you need to forget about him and move on. You've said your piece and if it was the truth then good, he needed to hear it. He was too much of a coward to break up with you in real life and discuss things like a mature adult. You don't need to apologise, it's him who should be reaching out to you. He doesn't deserve any more texts or wasted time. You texting again is going to make you look a bit pathetic and like you've been thinking about it constantly. The best way is to go no contact with him just like he is with you.
    Yeah that's exactly what it is. I go through phases of thinking good riddance, I don't need someone who is incapable of having a mature, adult conversation. Then there are other days like today where I just miss seeing him and hearing his voice, and think I'd do anything just to go back to the way we were. I will continue to maintain no contact. It's just his mind games have taken an toll on me emotionally, I still do think about it a lot and have to always distract myself, and hope one day I might care less.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    If they ghost, doesn't deserve an apology. Sh1tty move deserves lack of response.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

    Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.
    I know it's a tough pill to swallow but you're after different things here. Find a guy who is willing to accept that you aren't ready to have sex yet.
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I feel like this is one of those threads where you can say "no do not do it" in almost all circumstances based on the title alone. Having read the OP anyway, my opinion hasn't changed.

    Block him and leave well alone.

    (Original post by _InnocentOne_)
    What is ghosted?
    When somebody pulls a full on disappearing act (not replying to messages etc) without ever explicitly telling you to **** off.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

    Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.
    OP are you ACTUALLY serious?! the guy nearly raped you and your trying to get him back or make up to him?

    stay WELL away and tell a friend you trust or your parents what happened, this is not OK

    srs, get more self respect sis (I mean this nicely :console:
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah that's exactly what it is. I go through phases of thinking good riddance, I don't need someone who is incapable of having a mature, adult conversation. Then there are other days like today where I just miss seeing him and hearing his voice, and think I'd do anything just to go back to the way we were. I will continue to maintain no contact. It's just his mind games have taken an toll on me emotionally, I still do think about it a lot and have to always distract myself, and hope one day I might care less.
    Whilst I get that you didn't want to have sex with him, you basically suggested he was going to be a rapist. Now, for a lot of guys thats off putting and also doesn't scream trust. Whilst i don't know you well, you could be the type of person that has sex, regrets it and calls rape. Why would anyone jeopardise their life for that? So he probably wanted to rid himself of you, which is harsh but also fair on his part. Equally, if you didn't want to have sex it's your right and you should find another guy. Stop living in the past and move on. It is likely that both parties are in the wrong and messaging someone who wants nothing to do with you is childish. A lot of guys find rants immature, it certainly annoys me. Good luck.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Whilst I get that you didn't want to have sex with him, you basically suggested he was going to be a rapist. Now, for a lot of guys thats off putting and also doesn't scream trust. Whilst i don't know you well, you could be the type of person that has sex, regrets it and calls rape. Why would anyone jeopardise their life for that? So he probably wanted to rid himself of you, which is harsh but also fair on his part. Equally, if you didn't want to have sex it's your right and you should find another guy. Stop living in the past and move on. It is likely that both parties are in the wrong and messaging someone who wants nothing to do with you is childish. A lot of guys find rants immature, it certainly annoys me. Good luck.
    Oh no I never dared to actually call him a rapist, I just commented on what he was actually doing. I actually acted like I was fine after that, we diffused the entire situation after too, I apologized to him for overreacting and said I'm sorry I get overwhelmed sometimes because it's all a bit new to me and he said it was fine and proceeded to lie on my lap for hours and kissed me. I wantedhim back and I was doing everything in my power to get him back, so the last thing I was going to do was to accuse him of anything.

    To this day, I haven't even brought up the incident in an accusatory way to him. I actually texted him apologizing for 'rejecting his advances' and said it wasn't at all due to lack of interest, it was because I simply wasn't ready. Also, he's a very experienced guy and I'm a virgin, so I was a bit more hesitant about things and he was my first everything (besides sex).. which he knew.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Retired_Messiah)
    I feel like this is one of those threads where you can say "no do not do it" in almost all circumstances based on the title alone. Having read the OP anyway, my opinion hasn't changed.

    Block him and leave well alone.



    When somebody pulls a full on disappearing act (not replying to messages etc) without ever explicitly telling you to **** off.
    OP told me already
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by _InnocentOne_)
    OP told me already
    aaahhh yes. **** reading threads properly amirite
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was avoiding getting into it because I don't want to sway opinions in either direction. Basically, the last time we saw each other, I wasn't ready to have sex yet which he was aware about. He decided to force himself on me anyway despite me saying stop repeatedly. At that point, I got emotional because he wasn't backing off and I thought he was going to rape me. I stood up to him and asked him exactly what he was playing at, if he was going to do it anyway, despite my refusal.

    Then, he got more angry and said I was pissing him off. So not sure if he's too embarrassed to speak to me because he realizes he nearly raped me, or if he's just angry at me for saying no, I don't know at all because he won't speak.
    This is vile behaviour from him and he is trying to punish you emotionally for setting your boundaries in this situation.

    Please stay away. No decent person would treat someone like this. Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. You were not overreacting. Trying to force yourself on someone who is asking you to stop is NEVER okay. It is assault. Don't listen to what certain apologists on this thread are telling you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by trou_noir)
    This is vile behaviour from him and he is trying to punish you emotionally for setting your boundaries in this situation.

    Please stay away. No decent person would treat someone like this. Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. You were not overreacting. Trying to force yourself on someone who is asking you to stop is NEVER okay. It is assault. Don't listen to what certain apologists on this thread are telling you.
    Thank you for your support. After reading the responses from this thread, I've of course decided to continue my no contact, and I'm not going to message him. It's just been so hard to deal with it because on one side I'm dealing with his assault and his reaction to it.. which was heartless, then I'm dealing with the emotional repercussions of him ghosting too. It trapped me in a vicious cycle of wanting him back, then not wanting him back. I just want to get him out of my head already.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your support. After reading the responses from this thread, I've of course decided to continue my no contact, and I'm not going to message him. It's just been so hard to deal with it because on one side I'm dealing with his assault and his reaction to it.. which was heartless, then I'm dealing with the emotional repercussions of him ghosting too. It trapped me in a vicious cycle of wanting him back, then not wanting him back. I just want to get him out of my head already.
    Please cut this guy out of your life.

    From everything you've said, my guess is that he's trying to manipulate you by ignoring you(i.e. guilt-trip you) meaning he won't be ghosting for very much longer...At some point the scum will show himself again in the hopes of reaping the rewards (and from the level of anxiety you've displayed in this thread, he's done a pretty good job).

    I mean this in the nicest possible way,get some help for the heartbreak but please don't ever speak to this weirdo ever again (Unless you have to testify in against him in Court at some point in the future...i don't know this guy's boundaries)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please cut this guy out of your life.

    From everything you've said, my guess is that he's trying to manipulate you by ignoring you(i.e. guilt-trip you) meaning he won't be ghosting for very much longer...At some point the scum will show himself again in the hopes of reaping the rewards (and from the level of anxiety you've displayed in this thread, he's done a pretty good job).

    I mean this in the nicest possible way,get some help for the heartbreak but please don't ever speak to this weirdo ever again (Unless you have to testify in against him in Court at some point in the future...i don't know this guy's boundaries)
    Honestly, I'm usually a very emotionally strong person but drove me crazy inside. He really has won with his manipulative mind games though. He got exactly what he wanted when I sent those rant text messages demanding an explanation and asking how easily he could just walk out of my life and leave me heartbroken. I regret saying a lot of that because I totally exposed my feelings and vulnerabilities to him in an emotional rage. He must've felt so proud that he was succeeding in psychologically torturing me.

    The entire situation seemed calculated and creepy.. we were in the car at midnight, in the middle of no where and he got on top of me and pinned me down, I was petrified, he was already in a foul mood from another argument with his brother. He was my only way of getting home so after getting a bit freaked out, I knew I had to play it cool. But he was always, always crossing my boundaries throughout the relationship, it was only a matter of time. I've told my friends to step in if I dare go back to him so that precaution is in place!
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    There's really no reason to ghost unless you are a) scared of the other person, b) a manipulative get.

    He is clearly, obviously, lit-up-in-neon, the latter of the two.

    I understand it must be dead hard, but just bin the ****er off.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by gjd800)
    There's really no reason to ghost unless you are a) scared of the other person, b) a manipulative get.

    He is clearly, obviously, lit-up-in-neon, the latter of the two.

    I understand it must be dead hard, but just bin the ****er off.
    Oh yes definitely, he's very manipulative. He was always a bit manipulative in more subtle ways, trying to guilt-trip me over small things like if I had to see my grandmother instead of him one day. I'd imagine he's ghosted to leave the door open for a potential reconciliation in future and effectively to stop me moving on from him because he thinks he's deprived me of 'closure'.

    I think he thinks that if he does come back, I won't dare to refuse sex again and be at his beck and call for everything as I'll be so petrified of losing him, or again facing the emotional hell he just put me through. I don't intend on going back though obviously.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 14, 2018
The home of Results and Clearing

3,018

people online now

1,567,000

students helped last year
Poll
How are you feeling about GCSE results day?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.