My girlfriend can’t accept that I have a past... Watch

Arpoikadot
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I have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and it’s been great. We’ve had our ups and downs and have our issues. A big issue has been lying on my part. But that was months ago and I am far from being that guy that I was. Over the past 2 months she has been very jealous about my past relationships. I’ve told her countless amount of times that they don’t mean anything to me anymore and they are just, well, in the past which is something both of us cannot change. It’s almost as if she doesn’t care if she has a past, she’s just focused on my past relationships. She also accuses me of lying about certain things about my past relationships. For example, I have never reached the point of ejaculation with any of my exes and never really enjoyed having intercourse with them. My current girlfriend is so much different and better in every way from my exes and she just can’t accept that.. she thinks she’s just going to be another girl that I feel “obligated” to live and be with. I do not know how to deal with this or help her with her insecurity of me having a past and I do not know what to do or how to handle her false accusations towards things she has no idea on if it happened or not, the only thing she knows is what I tell her which is the truth. But it’s like never enough for her and this is beginning to be an everyday thing and I don’t know what to do....
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Paracosm
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Hey OP,

Sorry to hear about this this sounds like a really difficult situation and it must hurt when she accuses you of lying about your past out of jealousy or insecurity. Have you tried to talk to her quite plainly about this all (i.e. sitting down together and getting everything out into the open, working through it pragmatically)? It might be a big help and could reassure her. Whilst sometimes people that have been damaged in previous relationships can feel insecure, it's important to make sure that this insecurity doesn't fester and become overbearing or manifest into jealousy or potentially something even worse.

I think this thread would be better in the Relationships forum, so I've moved it there for you.

Good luck OP!
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Arpoikadot)
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now and it’s been great. We’ve had our ups and downs and have our issues. A big issue has been lying on my part. But that was months ago and I am far from being that guy that I was. Over the past 2 months she has been very jealous about my past relationships. I’ve told her countless amount of times that they don’t mean anything to me anymore and they are just, well, in the past which is something both of us cannot change. It’s almost as if she doesn’t care if she has a past, she’s just focused on my past relationships. She also accuses me of lying about certain things about my past relationships. For example, I have never reached the point of ejaculation with any of my exes and never really enjoyed having intercourse with them. My current girlfriend is so much different and better in every way from my exes and she just can’t accept that.. she thinks she’s just going to be another girl that I feel “obligated” to live and be with. I do not know how to deal with this or help her with her insecurity of me having a past and I do not know what to do or how to handle her false accusations towards things she has no idea on if it happened or not, the only thing she knows is what I tell her which is the truth. But it’s like never enough for her and this is beginning to be an everyday thing and I don’t know what to do....
I would tell her she's being a bit ridiculous. Everyone has a past and that's exactly what it is, a past. If she has exes, then say it to her that you're not bothered about hers, so why should she be bothered about yours. Tell her she needs to realise that what she's doing is damaging the relationship. She might not realise it, but it probably needs to be said. I thought of something Kevin said in HIMYM - "just because something needs to be told, doesn't mean it needs to be heard". In your case, it's the opposite. You need to tell her this, even though she doesn't want to hear it. She could react badly, but tbh if she does it just shows she isn't very good for you, or, she could react well and realise what she's doing and change.
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Integer
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What did you lie about months ago? Sounds like it's caused some insecurity.
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Arpoikadot
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I lied about things from my past, such as one of my friends being someone I went on a date with and thought I had feelings for at one point in time ( I was also young and immature at the time and just new to “dating”) but since then I have not lied about anything and everything is out on the table
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Heytherestranger
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I guess I don't blame her cos you did lie n maybe she has trust issues, be gentle.
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