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Am I right to be angry at my girlfriend for this? watch

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    I have just got home from a night of waiting around and I am feeling very insulted right now. My girlfriend has been kind of avoiding me lately, for no apparent reason at all. I have seen her once in the past 2 weeks, and she stayed at mine and assured me that she loves me and wants the best for us. She told me this morning that she wanted to stay at mine tonight and spend time with me, and so we planned that we would meet each other at 5pm after my last lecture. She has said this a number of times recently before finding a reason not to come, but today she promised me that she would meet me at 5 and spend the evening together.

    At 5pm, I messaged her to say that I had finished uni. However, whereas we were supposed to meet at the campus café, she instead told me that she was at the Waitrose near her house and that I should come there to meet her. This is about a 30 minute walk from campus and on arrival I started looking around for her in store but couldn't find her. I connected to the store wifi and she had sent me a message saying that she was feeling tired and had gone home for a nap. She refused that I should come and see her and told me to wait there for a little while. An hour and a half later, she sent me another message telling me that a couple of her housemates had just invited her to the local pub for dinner, and that she "Couldn't turn them down". I was frustrated and angry but at the same time just wanted to spend time with her, so I told her I would wait and then meet her, to which she didn't reply. The pub is right by the Waitrose and I saw the car go by a little later with her and her housemates in. I sat around for another hour and a half waiting to meet her, only to see the car go past again with her in it, and then when she got home she told me she was tired and wanted to go to bed, and then told me that I was too attached to her if I stood waiting all that time.

    The truth is, yes...I am too attached to her. I don't know why I love this girl. She is beautiful, the first year of our relationship was the best year of my life and we shared a very tight and loving bond. However, she has done things like this many times before and she is what I would regard as a psychopath. She has no empathy, is narcissistic, causes drama and in general I feel like she is a succubus sucking the life out of me, but I am hopelessly in love with her. I don't know what to do...I feel so depressed being with her but at the same time being in her company is the only thing that brings me happiness. I feel so emotionally tortured but I can't contemplate the horrible thought of living without her, as she is everything to me. It's a very unhealthy relationship and the reality of it is that she is a terrible partner but I am sucked in.

    Tonight was a classic example of her attitude and I am reaching the end of my tether. I actually felt suicidal after I realised I would not see her tonight and probably not at all for a while. I feel so unvalued, and like she is messing me around on purpose to hurt me.
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    boohoo, bro man the **** up, you are clearly intelligent enough to be aware she is destroying you, why ruin your life no girl that makes you feeling suicidal is worth keeping around dump her ass.
    • #1
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    yeah that is a little rude of her but she does it because she knows she can. the problem is not that shes a narcissist but that you are a little p ussy who is completely whipped. stop being obsessed with her and either get over her or accept that you are her b itch.
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    Why are you letting her walk all over you?
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    (Original post by RosieAppleLemon)
    Why are you letting her walk all over you?
    hes

    https://orig00.deviantart.net/1181/f...by_nicol85.gif
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    She's vile man, get rid.
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    (Original post by Hurtandconfused)
    I have just got home from a night of waiting around and I am feeling very insulted right now. My girlfriend has been kind of avoiding me lately, for no apparent reason at all. I have seen her once in the past 2 weeks, and she stayed at mine and assured me that she loves me and wants the best for us. She told me this morning that she wanted to stay at mine tonight and spend time with me, and so we planned that we would meet each other at 5pm after my last lecture. She has said this a number of times recently before finding a reason not to come, but today she promised me that she would meet me at 5 and spend the evening together.

    At 5pm, I messaged her to say that I had finished uni. However, whereas we were supposed to meet at the campus café, she instead told me that she was at the Waitrose near her house and that I should come there to meet her. This is about a 30 minute walk from campus and on arrival I started looking around for her in store but couldn't find her. I connected to the store wifi and she had sent me a message saying that she was feeling tired and had gone home for a nap. She refused that I should come and see her and told me to wait there for a little while. An hour and a half later, she sent me another message telling me that a couple of her housemates had just invited her to the local pub for dinner, and that she "Couldn't turn them down". I was frustrated and angry but at the same time just wanted to spend time with her, so I told her I would wait and then meet her, to which she didn't reply. The pub is right by the Waitrose and I saw the car go by a little later with her and her housemates in. I sat around for another hour and a half waiting to meet her, only to see the car go past again with her in it, and then when she got home she told me she was tired and wanted to go to bed, and then told me that I was too attached to her if I stood waiting all that time.

    The truth is, yes...I am too attached to her. I don't know why I love this girl. She is beautiful, the first year of our relationship was the best year of my life and we shared a very tight and loving bond. However, she has done things like this many times before and she is what I would regard as a psychopath. She has no empathy, is narcissistic, causes drama and in general I feel like she is a succubus sucking the life out of me, but I am hopelessly in love with her. I don't know what to do...I feel so depressed being with her but at the same time being in her company is the only thing that brings me happiness. I feel so emotionally tortured but I can't contemplate the horrible thought of living without her, as she is everything to me. It's a very unhealthy relationship and the reality of it is that she is a terrible partner but I am sucked in.

    Tonight was a classic example of her attitude and I am reaching the end of my tether. I actually felt suicidal after I realised I would not see her tonight and probably not at all for a while. I feel so unvalued, and like she is messing me around on purpose to hurt me.
    Ignore the "man up" and "pussy comments"... look. I've been there done that! I know what it's like to be "in love" and under appreciated.

    The thing about this situation is she will never improve. I know you know this and also how a part of you is hoping she will. The best thing you can do is gain control over this situation by breaking up with her. Yes you'll be tormented, have the urge to message her etc.... but you need to be stronger.... See what I did there.... i used stronger because you are actually strong for putting up with all this ****, but don't let her take advantage of you any longer.

    She enjoys toying with you and seeing how far she can push you. You feel suicidal.... Take control, surprise her, dump her, go rogue and withdraw or maybe seek out friends, talk to someone close that you trust. If you're like me and you trust no one I've found that immersing myself in work or exercise or hobbies helps.... yes you're going to suffer from the break up.... but think of it this way... you're already suffering! Might as well remove the garbage because the pain will be felt the same...

    Im sure she has narcissistic traits, as someone who has a narcissistic parent as well as previous partners who have certain characteristics, I can say she may have some traits... still narcissistic or not... she is awful for you.

    You can pm me if you want
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Hurtandconfused)
    It's a very unhealthy relationship and the reality of it is that she is a terrible partner but I am sucked in.

    Tonight was a classic example of her attitude and I am reaching the end of my tether. I actually felt suicidal after I realised I would not see her tonight and probably not at all for a while. I feel so unvalued, and like she is messing me around on purpose to hurt me.
    I'm glad you can see how unhealthy this is. Sounds like you've become too clingy and needy for her and now she's just finding ways to avoid spending time with you. You also shouldn't be this obsessed with her yet, it sounds like you don't have much else going on in your life. Perhaps you've put other things on the back burner and you've prioritised her too much. And she is right you should not have spent so much time waiting around for her. Take the hint man.
    She didn't turn up, she blew you off, she didn't reply to your messages because she didn't want you there. And you just stood around waiting for her. I do feel sorry for you though because it sounds like she's being immature, manipulative and taking advantage of you. A relationship should not be this unhealthy. You should not be thinking your gf is a psychopath and your gf should not be blowing you off like this.
    I'd suggest leave while you can. Break up with her and give her the shock that she needs. I bet she thinks you'll never dump her which is why she takes this piss out of you by walking all over you. You need some time to be single and learn to love your life being single. Spend more time with friends and focus on yourself. Trust me, there are plenty of other girls out there who will appreciate you much more and will be on the same page as you. She may be beautiful and lovely but this relationship does not sound like it's going to last at this rate.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm glad you can see how unhealthy this is. Sounds like you've become too clingy and needy for her and now she's just finding ways to avoid spending time with you. You also shouldn't be this obsessed with her yet, it sounds like you don't have much else going on in your life. Perhaps you've put other things on the back burner and you've prioritised her too much. And she is right you should not have spent so much time waiting around for her. Take the hint man.
    She didn't turn up, she blew you off, she didn't reply to your messages because she didn't want you there. And you just stood around waiting for her. I do feel sorry for you though because it sounds like she's being immature, manipulative and taking advantage of you. A relationship should not be this unhealthy. You should not be thinking your gf is a psychopath and your gf should not be blowing you off like this.
    I'd suggest leave while you can. Break up with her and give her the shock that she needs. I bet she thinks you'll never dump her which is why she takes this piss out of you by walking all over you. You need some time to be single and learn to love your life being single. Spend more time with friends and focus on yourself. Trust me, there are plenty of other girls out there who will appreciate you much more and will be on the same page as you. She may be beautiful and lovely but this relationship does not sound like it's going to last at this rate.
    I am really scared of dumping her. Firstly, she is a psycho and I know she will try and get some revenge on me...nothing violent but she would try to harm me emotionally by showing herself off with other guys or something which I know I wont be able to take. I also feel like I have invested every piece of me into her and she has become the only reason I live...If I suddenly lose her I have nothing. My self esteem, confidence and happiness has declined dramatically over the past year and I am a shell of a person and at the weakest point in my life. I literally thin I would end up killing myself if I lose her. I know this all sounds so pathetic, I realise that and want to change the situation.

    Damn, she is like a cancer...she infected me with her love and then spread to control me and eat away at me.
    • #3
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    (Original post by Hurtandconfused)
    I am really scared of dumping her. Firstly, she is a psycho and I know she will try and get some revenge on me...nothing violent but she would try to harm me emotionally by showing herself off with other guys or something which I know I wont be able to take. I also feel like I have invested every piece of me into her and she has become the only reason I live...If I suddenly lose her I have nothing. My self esteem, confidence and happiness has declined dramatically over the past year and I am a shell of a person and at the weakest point in my life. I literally thin I would end up killing myself if I lose her. I know this all sounds so pathetic, I realise that and want to change the situation.

    Damn, she is like a cancer...she infected me with her love and then spread to control me and eat away at me.
    This is concerning and is even more of a reason for you to end things with her before she can manipulate you any further. One of my mates is in a really toxic relationship but every time he says he wants to break up she tells him she's going to commit suicide. Another mate was in a f*cked up relationship, ended up cheating (to get himself out of the relationship), his gf wouldn't let him and also continuously threatened to commit suicide. Eventually he became really suicidal as well and was very close to killing himself. All because of a girl. He's fine now though and i'm so glad he's now able to look back at it from a different angle and see how messed up everything was.
    I don't want you to get like that. This relationship sounds really bad if you're this invested and she isn't at all. It's just going to escalate. At least suggest taking a break and see where things go. Whenever you go through a break up it's always hard and you will miss them and question whether you made the right decision. But after a few months, you'll realise how much better your life is without all the stress they bring. She is not worth messing up your own self esteem and confidence. Being in a relationship should have the opposite effect. You should not be feeling this awful all the time.
    Please just be strong and at least take a break. She is not that great. If she was then you wouldn't be in this position.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is concerning and is even more of a reason for you to end things with her before she can manipulate you any further. One of my mates is in a really toxic relationship but every time he says he wants to break up she tells him she's going to commit suicide. Another mate was in a f*cked up relationship, ended up cheating (to get himself out of the relationship), his gf wouldn't let him and also continuously threatened to commit suicide. Eventually he became really suicidal as well and was very close to killing himself. All because of a girl. He's fine now though and i'm so glad he's now able to look back at it from a different angle and see how messed up everything was.
    I don't want you to get like that. This relationship sounds really bad if you're this invested and she isn't at all. It's just going to escalate. At least suggest taking a break and see where things go. Whenever you go through a break up it's always hard and you will miss them and question whether you made the right decision. But after a few months, you'll realise how much better your life is without all the stress they bring. She is not worth messing up your own self esteem and confidence. Being in a relationship should have the opposite effect. You should not be feeling this awful all the time.
    Please just be strong and at least take a break. She is not that great. If she was then you wouldn't be in this position.
    I don't know. I know I need to do this and drop her. She is so poisonous though. She has 2 sides to her. One side is sweet, innocent and completely lovable and vulnerable and just makes me want to care for her for life, and the other side is a horrible, heartless and cruel *****. It's the polar opposites that kills me. I am both in total love and yet completely despise her at the same time. My family and friends all totally hate her and I know I should have taken that as a big hint, but she sucks me in with her sweet side. The thing is, I am too caring, too loving and have too much empathy.

    I don't contact family or friends much and I am very isolated...I fear I do not have the support network to go it alone and with easter break coming up I will spend my days in bed depressed and pining for her. I will probably have a mental breakdown and end up in the local loony bin.

    If there were a true thing as a succubus, this girl would be it. I know that her ex boyfriend actually underwent a similar thing and was too attached to her to let her go for a long time. I wish I never met her.
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    Too flakey and immature.

    Its probably not best you carry on the relationship with her.
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    It sounds like your feelings for her are not reciprocated, and she is not as invested in the long term prospects of this relationship as you are. I know you love her, and feel like you cannot imagine life without her, but she is not helping you. In a few months, you will start to think of her less, and when you meet somebody who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them, you will hardly think of her at all, so consider leaving this toxic relationship and focus on yourself for a little bit
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    I just sent her a message basically telling her that I need a break from her, and then I blocked her account and number. I don't know if I have made the right decision or just causing myself more pain as now I am going to be pining for her but I need to be strong. Is there any advice for this?
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    She's cheating on you with Chad

    Alpha fux beta bux
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    (Original post by Hurtandconfused)
    I just sent her a message basically telling her that I need a break from her, and then I blocked her account and number. I don't know if I have made the right decision or just causing myself more pain as now I am going to be pining for her but I need to be strong. Is there any advice for this?
    Yes I have some advice. Your first mistake was blocking her account and number, if you want to move on you need to be able to resist not reject. Second mistake was convincing yourself you would somehow be happy with her, she is a *****. Third mistake is to believe you can win her back, or that it is your fault, it isn't. She just isn't a very nice person.

    I've been there before, i've been the doormat for a good looking woman. I don't know where she is now but i'm safe knowing with an attitude like that she likely isn't going to be very happy, not that it matters anymore.
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    She's treating you like a mug and you are much better out of this relationship. She's manipulative and doesn't take any of your feelings into consideration. Well done on breaking it off, just don't let her suck you back in because people like that don't ever change.
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    (Original post by Hurtandconfused)
    I just sent her a message basically telling her that I need a break from her, and then I blocked her account and number. I don't know if I have made the right decision or just causing myself more pain as now I am going to be pining for her but I need to be strong. Is there any advice for this?
    Do as best you can to seek the glory from the pain. As every day passes you become freer and less emotionally reliant. Those gradual achievements are worth appreciating.

    Know how you feel, I was once a fair while back totally smitten with someone my friends disliked because they could see the wood for the trees and me not so. It is not right or healthy to allow yourself to become someone's poodle.
    • #3
    #3

    I agree. I don’t think blocking was a good idea. You will still be obsessing about what messages she might be trying to send. It’s too dramatic and too much of a cop out in my opinion. It’s what people do when they have no will power. I guess if it’s what you need for the first week then keep her blocked. But I don’t want you then unblocking her and sending a message telling her you’ve unblocked and are ready to talk. Because then it’s just pointless. You need to be able to receive her messages and just look at them and maybe reply in your head or in a note. You can’t hide from her. But just do not reply. It’s better for the moving on process if you do block and are able to ignore instead of just deleting her from your life so you don’t have to deal with it
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    • #3
    #3

    *if you don’t block and are able
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