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    I'm a dude, 17 now, and this happened when I was about 9-10. I've only just about come to terms with it, so far I've been kind of lying to myself and telling myself I just dreamt it or something.

    It was a function (asian lol) at my house, and there was an older kid with me, he was 17 or 18 at the time, and we were just playing board games. I remember he suddenly got up and asked me to go with him to the bathroom, and to trust him. I didnt really know better, so I followed him, he got me naked and started smearing his penis on my bum. ****ing weird, I know, disgusting. He got hard, but didnt proceed further, he ended it there. I never really thought about it until years later.

    My problem now is, should I do anything or tell anyone? It's been 7 years and there is obviously no proof to what he did, I hardly ever see him, once every two years maybe. He's now a doctor and he's about to get married, and tbh I've kind of gotten over the incident, locked it away, I never told anyone, just kind of forgot about it and pretended it didn't happen, and I guess I can live with that. His parents are lovely people, and them and my parents are quite close. I don't really feel the need to mess up his life and overly dramatise mine, but at the same time, I wonder if he was just a stupid ****ing teenager or if he may do something like this again.

    What do I do?
    • #2
    #2

    I actually dont know, But If I were you I would just put it to past, as he didnt actually do anything, but he did kinda scar you tbh.

    I really dont know
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    IF you say your fine nd can go on with your life nd he has too why bring it up nd cause issues... I mean it’s not right and you should have told someone and still can but remember what you say could have bad consequences on you, him and both families... it’s your choice so jus think through what you want as there is a chance he may try nd deny it as it was a long time ago and as you say you have no proof nd he didn’t actually go ahead with what he was doing... I still think it was very wrong but maybe try and speak to him about it and see if he regrets it? Before tellin the families? Just a suggesting in the end jus do whatever you think is right!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a dude, 17 now, and this happened when I was about 9-10. I've only just about come to terms with it, so far I've been kind of lying to myself and telling myself I just dreamt it or something.

    It was a function (asian lol) at my house, and there was an older kid with me, he was 17 or 18 at the time, and we were just playing board games. I remember he suddenly got up and asked me to go with him to the bathroom, and to trust him. I didnt really know better, so I followed him, he got me naked and started smearing his penis on my bum. ****ing weird, I know, disgusting. He got hard, but didnt proceed further, he ended it there. I never really thought about it until years later.

    My problem now is, should I do anything or tell anyone? It's been 7 years and there is obviously no proof to what he did, I hardly ever see him, once every two years maybe. He's now a doctor and he's about to get married, and tbh I've kind of gotten over the incident, locked it away, I never told anyone, just kind of forgot about it and pretended it didn't happen, and I guess I can live with that. His parents are lovely people, and them and my parents are quite close. I don't really feel the need to mess up his life and overly dramatise mine, but at the same time, I wonder if he was just a stupid ****ing teenager or if he may do something like this again.

    What do I do?
    Hi,

    Well the mere fact that you're posting about this (anonymously I may add), suggests this clearly has had some affect on you (regardless of whether he was a calculating preadator or a "stupid ****ing teenager". this is about your well-being, not his!.)

    Obviouusly whether you should officially say something to the police is debatable as there's the issue of proof (plus going through in minute detail of what happened multiple times). However, I think you should definitely go see a counsellor regarding this issue. They will probably be able to help you far better than anyone on here can...Seriously, I would strongly recommend you see a counsellor. Once you get past the "Oh my God, I'm a freak" stage, you'll be glad you've gone; even just talking to a real (non-judgemental) person about this may help. If you're at college or University, this is normally a free service. BTW don't worry, they won't tell anyone as they're bound by The Data Protection Act (1998). Even if they were to ever discuss your sceario (for whatever reason), they certainly won't ever use your name or be in any tracable back to you (it's more than their career's worth to even consider it).

    You may be putting this to the back of your mind and pretending it didn't happen... but it did... and unless you put this to bed, there is always a risk that it could come out in other ways (maybe not now, but later on in life in ways you can't imagine)

    He may seem like a "nice guy"... well lots of people thought a guy called Rolf Harris was a "nice guy" and look where he is now... and you say he's going to become a Doctor? I'll just mention another name to you:- "Larry Nassar" (N.B:- Google those names if you don't know the stories) . I'm not saying this guy is the case, but it's worth bearing in mind predatory paedophles don't go running arount with their "interests" tatooed on their forehead.


    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I actually dont know, But If I were you I would just put it to past, as he didnt actually do anything, but he did kinda scar you tbh.

    I really dont know
    Didn't actually do anything?!?

    THAT'S SEXUAL ASSAULT ON A CHILD FFS!!!

    Fair enough, the OP may not be completely messed up, but the guy was still 17/18 and he took advantage of a 10 year old child (I believe for teens, the paedophilic threshold is if there is a 5 year age gap.)... It's not like they were the same age and he kept his trousers on. IMHO, there's no excuse for that sort of behaviour.
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    I feel like you should talk to a counselor or something about this as they will have far better advice. But if you want my two pennies I think you should tell someone if you feel he may do it again / perhaps has done it to someone else. He wasn’t exactly a kid if he was 17/18, he knew exactly what he was doing. Think about it, you’re 17. If one of your peers did that would you think they were just a stupid teenager? No, you’d think they were a full blown pedophile. He could easily still be doing it.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #3
    #3

    WHat is most worry here is that this person is now a doctor. Parents and people in general trust him to care for the self, families and most importantly children. AT 17/18 yrs old he would have been aware of exactly what he done to you. taking advantage and sexually abusing a 10year old boy. He has gotten away with it, no punishment or acknowledgement and now he is in a position of power and trust where he is able to abuse more children in daily. Who's to say he hasn't already? It's unlikely that you have been the only incident.
    I understand you don't want to drag the past up, especially with families being close however you clearly are troubled over this in some sense and need closure. FOr you sake, talk to a counsellor about what happened.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Irman.g)
    Lol, I know that it's weird thing to do. Just forget it.
    Nothing serious.
    Are you kidding me? How is rubbing your penis on a 10year old nothing serious?! Nothing about it is 'lol' and it sickens me that you think it is. Your telling me its okay for a guy 7 years older than you to just come alone and start rubbing their penis on your bare bum, where they are getting an erection would be okay? I think not. What has happened to the OP is child abuse. That is not a 'weird thing to do' or 'nothing serious'. SEXUALLY ABUSE TO A CHILD IS NEVER OKAY!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you kidding me? How is rubbing your penis on a 10year old nothing serious?! Nothing about it is 'lol' and it sickens me that you think it is. Your telling me its okay for a guy 7 years older than you to just come alone and start rubbing their penis on your bare bum, where they are getting an erection would be okay? I think not. What has happened to the OP is child abuse. That is not a 'weird thing to do' or 'nothing serious'. SEXUALLY ABUSE TO A CHILD IS NEVER OKAY!
    Lol, calm down. You're dramatizing it. It happened in the past. He was young and dumb.
    He has regretted it and is now married, a doctor. Nothing to dwell on.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Irman.g)
    Lol, calm down. You're dramatizing it. It happened in the past. He was young and dumb.
    He has regretted it and is now married, a doctor. Nothing to dwell on.
    ITs not dramatizing it. It was sexually abuse. Plain and simple. At 17/18years old he clearly knew this. And do tell me how exactly you know he regrets it? Do you know said person? I think not, so do not make such ridiculous comments. Young and dumb? Let me remind you that at 18years old, you are considered an adult, fully responsible and aware of your actions. 18year olds are more than aware of what sexually abuse is and even more so that it is not okay! Especially not when a child is involved. In the eyes of a court, this act would result in being on the sex offenders list and most likely time in prison. So do tell me how your delusional self believes this to be okay when in the eyes of our own law it is the opposite. Stupid person making stupid comments condemning chid and sexually abuse. Disgusting.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ITs not dramatizing it. It was sexually abuse. Plain and simple. At 17/18years old he clearly knew this. And do tell me how exactly you know he regrets it? Do you know said person? I think not, so do not make such ridiculous comments. Young and dumb? Let me remind you that at 18years old, you are considered an adult, fully responsible and aware of your actions. 18year olds are more than aware of what sexually abuse is and even more so that it is not okay! Especially not when a child is involved. In the eyes of a court, this act would result in being on the sex offenders list and most likely time in prison. So do tell me how your delusional self believes this to be okay when in the eyes of our own law it is the opposite. Stupid person making stupid comments condemning chid and sexually abuse. Disgusting.
    Relax. Young people do weird things in the "experimenting" period.
    It would not result on being on the sex offenders list or prison time, lol.
    Oh my... You had a bad experience with someone, I assume.
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    (Original post by Irman.g)
    Relax. Young people do weird things in the "experimenting" period.
    It would not result on being on the sex offenders list or prison time, lol.
    Oh my... You had a bad experience with someone, I assume.
    I agree with the relax comment but he wasn't experimenting with someone his own age, they were a child. You are on the wrong side of the argument here, this was a crime.
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    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Irman.g)
    Relax. Young people do weird things in the "experimenting" period.
    It would not result on being on the sex offenders list or prison time, lol.
    Oh my... You had a bad experience with someone, I assume.

    At 17/18 this guy should have known better. He shouldn't have been taking advantage of a guy half his age. Would it be different if OP was a girl?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At 17/18 this guy should have known better. He shouldn't have been taking advantage of a guy half his age. Would it be different if OP was a girl?
    He should have indeed known better but he did not.
    He made a mistake. Don't tell me you've never do something bad.

    I was trying to make the OP move on and relax.
    Since what has happened, has happened.
    But you are hellbent on making sure he feels sexually abused and develop issues.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Irman.g)
    He should have indeed known better but he did not.
    He made a mistake. Don't tell me you've never do something bad.

    I was trying to make the OP move on and relax.
    Since what has happened, has happened.
    But you are hellbent on making sure he feels sexually abused and develop issues.
    I've never put my d*ck on a child's arse. Yes OP should probably try and move on but I think it's good that he's finally talking about it. Nothing worse than bottling something up for years. Just getting it out in the open on a forum can be enough of a relief. But I don't think it's fair to just dismiss it and tell him it's nothing and that the 17/18 year old is completely innocent.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've never put my d*ck on a child's arse. Yes OP should probably try and move on but I think it's good that he's finally talking about it. Nothing worse than bottling something up for years. Just getting it out in the open on a forum can be enough of a relief. But I don't think it's fair to just dismiss it and tell him it's nothing and that the 17/18 year old is completely innocent.
    I thought you were a girl. But, yes of course he is not innocent.
    Pretty weird and perverted act. He is not innocent. But, that's it. Nothing to do about it.
    I'm sure he feels horrible for doing that, if he remembers it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a dude, 17 now, and this happened when I was about 9-10. I've only just about come to terms with it, so far I've been kind of lying to myself and telling myself I just dreamt it or something.

    It was a function (asian lol) at my house, and there was an older kid with me, he was 17 or 18 at the time, and we were just playing board games. I remember he suddenly got up and asked me to go with him to the bathroom, and to trust him. I didnt really know better, so I followed him, he got me naked and started smearing his penis on my bum. ****ing weird, I know, disgusting. He got hard, but didnt proceed further, he ended it there. I never really thought about it until years later.

    My problem now is, should I do anything or tell anyone? It's been 7 years and there is obviously no proof to what he did, I hardly ever see him, once every two years maybe. He's now a doctor and he's about to get married, and tbh I've kind of gotten over the incident, locked it away, I never told anyone, just kind of forgot about it and pretended it didn't happen, and I guess I can live with that. His parents are lovely people, and them and my parents are quite close. I don't really feel the need to mess up his life and overly dramatise mine, but at the same time, I wonder if he was just a stupid ****ing teenager or if he may do something like this again.

    What do I do?
    He's a scum bag. If you have anymore family functions and this guy is around then keep an eye on him in case he tries luring more kids to more private rooms.

    I think you should tell your parents. I don't know how they'll take that without proof but letting this predator off the hook quietly isn't good. If he's done it to you, he may target other people's kids too.

    Don't think that you'll be messing up his life because he brought this on himself. He was 17/18, he knew exactly what he was doing.
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    (Original post by Irman.g)
    Relax. Young people do weird things in the "experimenting" period.
    It would not result on being on the sex offenders list or prison time, lol.
    Oh my... You had a bad experience with someone, I assume.
    Get your facts right!

    Check out the following links (these are Government links, so just about as official as it gets)

    https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42

    https://www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk...ntent_web1.pdf

    I refer you to Section 7 (where covers this incident). It would defintitely result in the guy (the "Doctor" ) being put on the sex offenders list, and the fact that a child was lured away and had clothing removed, would almost certainly cross the prison sentence threshold.

    Honestly, I've read some dumb sh!t on this board... but seriously, belitttling child abuse really does takes the biscuit.
    • #5
    #5

    I actually went through a similar thing when I was younger, not as extreme as yours but there was touching in places. I haven't really thought about it ever since it happened but it does pop up in my head from time. Like you, I've gotten over it, it didn't really bother me but I felt guilty keeping it from my parents, like I felt like they had a right to know cos he was a family friend. I was so nervous before telling them but they took it surprisingly well, (well they were quiet for a few seconds probs cos of the shock) and they've forgotten about it now and now it feels like a weight off my shoulders! When I told them, they barely saw him anyway but i feel like if he calls now to come over or something, they would refuse. Like me. they don't want to make a big deal of this but I just think if you do tell them, then every night, you would stop thinking about when are you gonna tell them. what are you gonna say to them. That's what was going through my mind before I told them
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #1
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    #1

    Thanks a lot tsr peeps, I was kind of expecting some snowflake crap, but this is genuinely good advice. tbh, I've pretty much gotten over it, it gives me the creeps, but honestly I spent so long pretending it was a dream, it kinda feels like one. I honestly do believe he wasn't thinking properly at the time, from what I've heard he's studied very hard and is about to get married. I very much doubt he'll do this again; in our culture, no matter what **** you do, after you get married you wouldn't even think about going back to it - because theres so much more at stake. (marriage for them is more about the family)
    Then theres the fact that he's becoming a doctor. He's becoming a surgeon, who knows how many lives he could save, I dont feel right bringing back **** from so far back to come and completely ruin his life, his fiancees and more. As I said, I'm not that affected, and I never really was (at the time I didn't realise what was happening, never did until years later).
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    Wait.. So your family are still close to this despicable man and you still have not taken any form of action to make them aware of his atrocious actions?

    Please do something, don't just let this dwindle by unnoticed.

    You can't just let yourself be physically violated like that!

    If this was me I would have taken action long ago!
 
 
 
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