How do you get over it when you partner does something really bad?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years now,
We've had some problems but not for about a year now,
I didn't know it at the time but when we got together he was a big drug user, he spent a lot of money on drugs a week and would always lies about what he was doing, where he was going and who he was with, this was hard for me at the start of our relationship but I pretty much left him to it because it wasn't a serious relationship to begin with.

When it did start to get serious I started to worry, he would often blow me off to hang out with his friend, sometimes even waiting till he was suppose to be meeting me to say he wasn't showing up and he used to get very aggressive if I questioned him about it.

He started getting worse and worse, he would lie all the time, get very antsy if I kept him longer the usual and he was very nasty to me all the time, he used to call me stupid and say I didn't know what I was talking about all the time, he treated like crap all the time and would lie to my face most days and if i questioned him he would start shouting in my face about how I was stupid. I would ask him if he would Get high less and said I was very concerned at the amount of drugs he was using on a regular base but he wasn't wanting to change.

It all cumulated when he got very angry when I said I wanted to end the relationship because he was making me feel bad all the time and his drug use was the worst it had been up till that point. At this time he would get high everyday and I wasn't happy at all. He got really angry and tried to hit me, I managed to get in the house and lock the door and he smashed up my garden and tried to kick the door down, it was the most scared of him I've ever been.

He apologised and we stayed together and fast forward a year we move into a house and he manages to kicks his drug habit he now only occasionally smokes weed and he doesn't lie about it anymore, he tells me, which is better then before, we have a nice life together and it's been over a year now since all that happened.... But I still find it hard to think that that happened and the same person I'm with now who is so lovely is the guy who hurt me so badly before.
He feels really bad an now he's got a clear head can see just how bad his addiction was and what it did to me and also to him.
But I still struggle

I guess a my question is how do you get over something like that when you stay together
I know it's okay to be angry about it because what happened was bad but sometimes I think I would have Been able to deal with it better if we just broke up and moved on but because we are still together it's like a thorn in my side that I don't feel like i should constantly bring up with him. I used to do that before but it just upset us both so now I try not too.

Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do? How do you move on from that and be happy together?

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 1

Potato456

“We do it together which is nice”. Wow.

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 2

TheHairDyeDiarys

Original post by Potato456

“We do it together which is nice”. Wow.

Okay I realise how that sounds it's not quite what I meant,
Now he tells me if he's going to get high and I know about it rather then him lying constantly and hiding it from me.

Reply 3

claireestelle

Original post by TheHairDyeDiarys

Okay I realise how that sounds it's not quite what I meant,
Now he tells me if he's going to get high and I know about it rather then him lying constantly and hiding it from me.

Maybe if after a year you can't move on from it then maybe you need to break things off. I don't think someone being violent to you like he was is something you could ever really get over and i don't think you should have to.

Reply 4

SalazarSlytherin

Well which drugs was he taking then?

Reply 5

rororirir

if you cant beat him join him :dontknow:

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by SalazarSlytherin

Well which drugs was he taking then?

Read her post, jeez

Reply 7

alicesmiloves

I think you should leave the relationship. It's hard to get over something like that, because it could of been a lot worse if he would of been able to hit you. I do understand he's changed but I don't know, he already in a way scarred you and it's something you'll never forget. Can you overcome it? Yes you can and like the other post said, give it a year and if you still can't get over the event, one suggestion is counseling, if you really don't want to break things off and suggestion number two is to break things off for good.

Reply 8

cheesecakelove

You have to focus on the present and the future of your relationship. Moving on from what happened in the past - total truth, honesty and love from now on. Communicate with him. If you always let the past affect your thinking, then it might be sign that it is time to part ways, if it is something that you can never get over.

Reply 9

SalazarSlytherin

Original post by Anonymous

Read her post, jeez

I did read the post, still don't know the answer

Reply 10

TheHairDyeDiarys

I don't think I'll ever know exactly everything he did, but he did use a few different types of party drugs mainly cannabis, LSD, ecstasy, that Molly or Whatever it was called and he used some heavier stuff like cocaine a few times at least.
You gotta realise that this was affecting many different aspects of his life, he was often late for work because he just couldn't get up in the morning, he had no money a lot of the time and had to pay rent, he was lying constantly,
I know drug culture is a weird one because lots of people tell you they should be allowed to use drugs if they want to and being told that kind of thing for 5 years I now don't know what to think, my family was very against that kind of thing but looking into it seems a lot of people are open to drug use?

But I still think there's a difference between recreation use and addiction :/

Reply 11

doodle_333

You either can get over it or you can't/ If you can't perhaps the relationship isn't going to work. There's no magic formula... it's not easy to 'move on' from someone who terrified and threatened you...