19 year old with autism with no friends? How can I start making friends? Watch

Awais Ahsan
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#21
Report 2 weeks ago
#21
I know it feels that nobody wants to be your friend, but it's not true so stop thinking that. Just because a person makes friends with others, it doesn't mean that they are not your friends. If you were to make some friends, but one of your friends said you cant have anymore friends, how would you feel to be controlled by someone? You need to slowly start talking to people and put yourself out there. You can start by introducing yourself and talk about things that interests you. Make sure you listen to the other person and take their feelings and ideas into consideration.
0
reply
EssayDoctor
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#22
Report 2 weeks ago
#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone, this might be a bit long but if you have time to read and can offer some advice I really thank you!

Throughout my years at school I found it so hard to make friends because I was so shy and struggled so bad with my social skills because of my autism. And even when I got close to making a ‘friend’ I would always struggle maintaining that friend because I would start to become a bit controlling of that friend because I didn’t want that friend to make new friends. I wanted to be that person’s best friend and I couldn’t mentally deal with the fact that when I had a friend that that person would want to go and make other friends on top of me because it made me feel insignificant. So really all of my ‘friendships’ have turned sour because it’s always ended in arguments and I’m left with none.

Now I’m at the point where I’ve finished sixth form and I’m on a year out, about to go to uni this year. One of the things I’ve done on this year out is use friend making / dating apps to try to connect with people, find common interests and make a friend. Every time I mention the words ‘I don’t have any friends’ to someone then all of a sudden they don’t want to be my friend. There seems to be this stigma about having no friends and I find it really upsetting! I do pretty much everything on my own, I eat out at restaurants on my own, I go to the cinema on my own, I go to gigs on my own, I go to the pub on my own when I fancy a drink and everyone always gives me dirty looks for being by myself or says I’m weird if I end up in a conversation because it’s seen as unacceptable to have no friends.

It doesn’t matter how many interests I have in common with people, it seems no one wants to be my friend because of the fact I don’t have any friends right now! They think it must suggest I’m a really bad person.

I’m probably going to concede that I won’t make any friends on my year out. But I really am so desperate to make new friends at uni, I feel that socially I’ve improved to the point where I can talk to new people (but I’m still below average). I have lots of interests so I really hope I should be able to connect with people at uni, but as I said above it worries me that if I say to someone at uni ‘I don’t have any friends at the moment and I want to make friends at uni’ then they will turn against me for not being the social norm. I really want friends I can do stuff with, hang about with, go out with, I’d love to go to festivals but since I’ve no friends that impossible too.

What do you think about my situation? How will I be able to make friends when it seems everyone has this stigma against me for being a loner? Do things get easier at uni or will people still look down on me for arriving with no friends? It’s sad that so many people have this judgemental stigma. And also if I get to the position where I do make a friend how can I prevent myself from making past mistakes and getting upset when they start expanding their social network (it’s so hard for me because it feels people crowd me out when they do this)?

Thank you so much again!
Just passing a few thoughts from folk who have had similar worries that you discuss. You may find it helpful to engage on social media with FB groups at your Uni before and after you start (Instagram / WhatApp / Whatever) as this gives you greater control over how you present yourself, when and in what timeframe/scale. Have a search and see what's there already - there will be many - and say hi and if you like explain a bit about why you are choosing this medium to start conversations and getting to know people at your uni and on your course (or not - keep it wider to start maybe and find your feet). Hope this helps, but you'll be fine because you're reaching out and asking already.
0
reply
Anonymous #4
#23
Report 2 weeks ago
#23
As you said you plan on joining university this year, i would suggest joining a society, you do not have to have the first thing that comes out your mouth be 'I have autism'. The first time you enter university and go to the first society in which you are excited for, this could be sports, games or the subjest you are learning. The majority of students that starts university do not have a close group of friends yet and they are trying to create on in fresher week. everyone is in the same boat and there will be others that are or even more nervious then you. University is so diverse that I am sure you will find friends. I can not say I have the same problem but I know friends that only hanged out with me and now in university they have more then me xD. If you still feel uncomfortable about having autism then i am also sure there are communities that have this struggle which come together to make friends. I hope this helps and i'm sure you will find friends that will make you truely happy in university.
reply
otoile
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#24
Report 1 week ago
#24
For the person who said that autism has nothing to do with maintaining friends, that’s completely UNTRUE and LAUGHABLE. Just type in “no friends autism” on google and you will have streams of forums coming up with autistic people asking similar things to this question, like “why will nobody be my friend” “will I have to be alone forever?”. The triad of impairments for autism include social communication and lots of research say this is the biggest most impactful impairment. So think before saying that “autism has nothing to do with making friends”. Autism is confusing and scary and I suggest to those who commented and comment in the future, to give the autistic person respect, patience and avoid any rudeness or intense probing/questioning. We need compassion, acknowledgement and attempts at understanding. If you don’t have autism you will never understand what it’s is like to live with it everyday for the rest of your life, even if you have a sibling or someone close to you affected by it. The isolation factor is incredibly difficult and terrifying - it is the general consensus that in life, relationships are needed to thrive - a lot of people with autism don’t have this. It can be for lots of reasons: inability to understand and relate to the autistic person, the inability of the autistic person to understand the other person, some people with autism are deemed as controlling, as highlighted in the question (by the way, I’m with you on this, I’ve lost a lot of people because of this). I feel for you so much and relate more than you will ever know. I found this question searching on the internet, because I felt unbearably alone. I’m 20 now, and this war with friendships and relationships hasn’t ended, it’s got even harder. I can’t stay at university because of it, I can’t connect to anyone, or talk to anyone on my course, because they immediately view me as being a loner already. I can’t do some basic things that I’m asked to do. It’s too hard for me and just outright frustrating. I don’t know where this leaves me. I’d love to speak to you privately. I don’t use this, just made an account to respond, but if you message me on here I will give you my personal details. I realise this was 10 months ago, I hope you have managed to make friends at uni! I’m proud of you, you’re very brave. ❤️
Last edited by otoile; 1 week ago
0
reply
Sandhu11
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#25
Report 1 week ago
#25
Why do you want friends? From my own personal experiences a person is better off having no friends. Having friends is just extra drama and you start depending on them, which only makes you weaker. By drama I meant; some will backbite, some will snake you, some will use you, some will make fun of you, some will take their evils out on you, etc. In this day and age it is very hard to find true friends. In fact there are no friends that are true. I say laugh with many but don’t trust any. I also say the walk of a lone wolf is the strongest walk. You don’t need friends. You only need family. I myself used to think I need friends and ****ed up big time and went down the wrong path and got ****ed over too. Im a final year undergrad student and trust me you don’t need friends. I rather do what you do, which is being your own friend.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have a food intolerance or allergy?

Yes - a food intolerance (42)
11.97%
Yes - a food allergy (39)
11.11%
Yes - an autoimmune disorder (i.e coeliac, colitis) (11)
3.13%
Yes - I have an intolerance and allergy (9)
2.56%
No (250)
71.23%

Watched Threads

View All