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    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?
    I'm a bit of an introvert myself. Can be limiting sometimes, but it's not much of a hindrance when it comes to making friends/socialising because you'll get comfortable with the people around you very quickly when everyone's trying to make friends.

    No problem with taking along w/ random freshers
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    (Original post by Blue_Cow)
    I'm a bit of an introvert myself. Can be limiting sometimes, but it's not much of a hindrance when it comes to making friends/socialising because you'll get comfortable with the people around you very quickly when everyone's trying to make friends.

    No problem with taking along w/ random freshers
    Thanks for that, that reassures me a bit
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?
    Tagging along with other random freshers is THE way to go, trust me. The more people that you can meet and chat to in your first couple of weeks, the more comfortable you will feel (it doesn't sound that way now, but it's true). Societies are a great way to widen your social group from the people you happened to bump into at the beginning, and really helps to connect you with people sharing similar interests, forging 'easier' and usually longer-lasting friendships.

    Try not to worry too much about making friends at uni (easier said than done, I know), because the cliche is right and everybody is in the same boat. I tried my best to pretend I wasn't shy and petrified when I started freshers and though it was difficult, I was friendly and forced myself to be the one who approached others. (Definitely try your best to do this sober as well as after a drink - sometimes people can forget you and all of the hard work you put in the next morning)
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    (Original post by thesporkthief)
    Tagging along with other random freshers is THE way to go, trust me. The more people that you can meet and chat to in your first couple of weeks, the more comfortable you will feel (it doesn't sound that way now, but it's true). Societies are a great way to widen your social group from the people you happened to bump into at the beginning, and really helps to connect you with people sharing similar interests, forging 'easier' and usually longer-lasting friendships.

    Try not to worry too much about making friends at uni (easier said than done, I know), because the cliche is right and everybody is in the same boat. I tried my best to pretend I wasn't shy and petrified when I started freshers and though it was difficult, I was friendly and forced myself to be the one who approached others. (Definitely try your best to do this sober as well as after a drink - sometimes people can forget you and all of the hard work you put in the next morning)
    Bloody hell. I just came back from literally an all-night chat with people who I met just by tagging along with random freshers + a few I already knew so I completely agree with you.

    Life does surprise you sometimes and it really is a great way for introverts to make friends.
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    (Original post by thesporkthief)
    Tagging along with other random freshers is THE way to go, trust me. The more people that you can meet and chat to in your first couple of weeks, the more comfortable you will feel (it doesn't sound that way now, but it's true). Societies are a great way to widen your social group from the people you happened to bump into at the beginning, and really helps to connect you with people sharing similar interests, forging 'easier' and usually longer-lasting friendships.

    Try not to worry too much about making friends at uni (easier said than done, I know), because the cliche is right and everybody is in the same boat. I tried my best to pretend I wasn't shy and petrified when I started freshers and though it was difficult, I was friendly and forced myself to be the one who approached others. (Definitely try your best to do this sober as well as after a drink - sometimes people can forget you and all of the hard work you put in the next morning)
    Can I ask how would you go about tagging along with other random freshers? I think I would feel too shy asking random strangers if I could join them because I’ll probably be rejected and they’ll probably be a tight knit group already?
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    I'm a introvert and I'm going to feel so awkward and uncomforable doing all the " freshers week " I'd rather avoid it if I can...
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    I would say join 2/3 societies you're really interested in and make an effort to attend events as often as you can. If none of these work out, then maybe think about finding a different one to join. If you join 5+ societies, chances are you won't end up going regularly enough to make friends, and so you'll end up not going to anything.

    Secondly, don't think of confidence as innate- something you're born with or you're not. Think of confidence more like a muscle- the more you exercise it the better you get. In other words, fake it until you make it. Speak to everyone, say hello. On freshers, everyone wants to make friends so talk to as many people you can. Go to everything people invite you to if you can. Make an effort!

    I'm not saying this about you OP, or others on this thread, but some "introverts" can come across as quite arrogant. They expect people to chase their friendship, when they're shy and standoffish, and never make the first move. They expect people to keep inviting them out, even when they've said no, the last three or four times. They don't make even a reciprocal effort, and then wonder why they don't have close friends. If you're really socially awkward, at least let people know, because otherwise they will think your responses mean you don't like them.

    Everyone is trying to make friends during freshers and the first term of uni- so don't worry about how you come across, just make an effort and you'll meet some great people. Your confidence might even improve a bit.
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    Another fear of mine is when I meet my flatmates they are already in a strong friendship group hence they are unwelcoming of outsiders and leave me out?

    Is this likely do you think? Have any of you experienced this?
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    It's so hard when you're shy or not used to socialising and then suddenly this massive social thing of Freshers looms up.

    One tip I would suggest is think hard about a soc or group that you think you might genuinely be interested in, regardless of who does it - at least join that one and force yourself to attend all meetings. It will help that you are interested and there with other people who share that interest. Nothing brings social barriers down more than sharing a common pursuit.

    It's best not to compensate from being a hanger back by going all at it and joining everything that looks vaguely enjoyable, because that just sets up for disappointment.

    Try not to focus on 'finding friends' right away. Try and take it easy and do things you want to do with people who also like them. Don't go at it too hard, but stay open to the possibilities. If someone talks with you, or looks like they might want to have a chat, practise being nice and listening to them. The best way to make friends is to show interest in other people.
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    Try to keep something going regularly. If you go to something, then keep going. Even if it's 1 society, keep with it. Don't give up unless the people are rubbishy. The regularity helps you to get to know each other.:yep:
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    Another fear of mine is when I meet my flatmates they are already in a strong friendship group hence they are unwelcoming of outsiders and leave me out?

    Is this likely do you think? Have any of you experienced this?
    How would this happen? They'll all meet in person on the same weekend as you, probably. Most unis won't give you the names of your flatmates, so unless they found each other by chance on social media, it's unlikely they'll have already spoken.

    Most people don't have an established friend group at the uni. Everyone is in the same boat.

    Try to stop thinking of the worst case scenarios, and come up with positives and alternatives instead. So what if you don't get on that well with your flatmates? Uni is full of people and wouldn't it be boring if you only spoke to 8 of them? You can make friends on your course, through societies, through random meetings...

    It's normal to have worries. Everyone has these worries to a greater or lesser extent. Everyone in uni will be in the same boat to start with. However, if you're negative or defensive or standoffish, it may make it harder to make friends, so try being positive and friendly and open instead- what's the worst that can happen?
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?

    Im not much of an introvert but was quite shy and nervous for living with total strangers. Best bit of advice I could give is go into this with a fresh mindset. On the first day, move your stuff in with your door pinned open, say hello to people coming in and keep popping into communal spaces. Try to chat to all your flatmates, and perhaps suggest having a cup of tea and a biscuit all together once your parents leave (bringing some sharing biscuits or chocolates is a good starting point)!!

    I had spoken to most of my flatmates on facebook before moving in, but on that morning it was still scary. Once I had said goodbye to my parents (and had had a little cry, ngl about that!!) I went and met some of the girls in the kitchen and we sat and chatted to get to know each other whilst eating a box of celebrations. Slowly all our flatmates joined us, and by about three hours later we were all talking and decided to go explore together. Its amazing how quickly you get to know people.

    Try to see something memorable about each person as this helps with names, and try to be open minded. My flat has a 12 very different personalities, yet we all get along brilliantly as noone came with any expectations.

    With that, its okay for it to not be instant friendships. Its going to feel awkward, and it will take a while to get used to everyone and everyones quirks. You might find that you get on with your coursemates better, or people from a society better (I agree with trying to join one or two that you're going to enjoy!) but do try to get along with your flatmates as you will probably see these the most and it makes for nicer living if everyone is comfortable and at ease with each other

    If you have more questions you're more than welcome to reply and ask more, or pm me if you would rather, but I hope this has been useful
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    (Original post by Emmaclaire4)
    Im not much of an introvert but was quite shy and nervous for living with total strangers. Best bit of advice I could give is go into this with a fresh mindset. On the first day, move your stuff in with your door pinned open, say hello to people coming in and keep popping into communal spaces. Try to chat to all your flatmates, and perhaps suggest having a cup of tea and a biscuit all together once your parents leave (bringing some sharing biscuits or chocolates is a good starting point)!!

    The had spoken to most of my flatmates on facebook before moving in, but on that morning it was still scary. Once I had said goodbye to my parents (and had had a little cry, ngl about that!!) I went and met some of the girls in the kitchen and we sat and chatted to get to know each other whilst eating a box of celebrations. Slowly all our flatmates joined us, and by about three hours later we were all talking and decided to go explore together. Its amazing how quickly you get to know people.

    Try to see something memorable about each person as this helps with names, and try to be open minded. My flat has a 12 very different personalities, yet we all get along brilliantly as noone came with any expectations.

    With that, its okay for it to not be instant friendships. Its going to feel awkward, and it will take a while to get used to everyone and everyones quirks. You might find that you get on with your coursemates better, or people from a society better (I agree with trying to join one or two that you're going to enjoy!) but do try to get along with your flatmates as you will probably see these the most and it makes for nicer living if everyone is comfortable and at ease with each other

    If you have more questions you're more than welcome to reply and ask more, or pm me if you would rather, but I hope this has been useful
    Thank you so much for that long detailed piece of advice, really helpful! I guess there are two things I would like follow up with if you don’t mind?

    You mention that you had spoken to most of your flatmates on facebook beforehand. I don’t really use facebook too much but do you recommend getting in contact with your flatmates via social media beforehand so you sort of already aware of one another; does it hold you back if you don’t contact online beforehand? Are there designated facebook groups or chats you can join for your flat/halls of residence - how would you find these (sorry I don’t know too much about facebook groups/chats haha)?

    Secondly do you mind me asking what university you go to (you can pm me this if you’d rather)? Were there people in your flat who totally wanted to be left alone and didn’t want to get involved with the rest of you or did you find everyone was open and wanted to be friendly?

    Thanks for you help
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?
    Hi,

    All of the above advice is brilliant.

    Being shy doesn't necessarily mean you won't be able to get to know people! Living with other people in halls is a brilliant way to make friends. Everyone's in the same boat and trying to make good impressions, so you'll meet lots of new people in the first week!

    Joining societies or sports teams is a great way to meet people similar to you too! You'll also meet people in other years to you and other courses, which will broaden your friendship groups and could help you settle into a new environment (especially if you're at a university far from home)!

    My advice is to be open to anyone and welcome new opportunities! I bought a door stop with me to uni in first year and it's the best decision I made. This made my flat way more sociable and I'd chat to anyone that came in!

    It's easy to worry about what could go wrong, but freshers week is very exciting and you'll soon forget what you were nervous about!

    If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

    Ruth
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    Thank you so much for that long detailed piece of advice, really helpful! I guess there are two things I would like follow up with if you don’t mind?

    You mention that you had spoken to most of your flatmates on facebook beforehand. I don’t really use facebook too much but do you recommend getting in contact with your flatmates via social media beforehand so you sort of already aware of one another; does it hold you back if you don’t contact online beforehand? Are there designated facebook groups or chats you can join for your flat/halls of residence - how would you find these (sorry I don’t know too much about facebook groups/chats haha)?

    Secondly do you mind me asking what university you go to (you can pm me this if you’d rather)? Were there people in your flat who totally wanted to be left alone and didn’t want to get involved with the rest of you or did you find everyone was open and wanted to be friendly?

    Thanks for you help
    Glad it was of some use!! I remember being very worried and used TSR extensively last summer so glad to help you /

    I go to UEA, and to answer q1, the uni set up groups for each block of flats for us, so I was added into the group for my group of about 25 flats, and from there everyone commented their flat and we fund each other. We then se up a group chat and I made very good friends with one of the girls (we spoke most days from soon after exams to moving in and shes one of my best friends now). I found it very uesful, and was also a way that we could agree to share some items such as who was bringing a kettle etc. We all decided to buy our own kitchen equipment though i know other flats share). This could be something to ask on a forum for your specific uni (do you mind me asking where you want to go?) as the freshers from there will be able to tell you if that uni does anything to introduce flatmates before hand. If nothing else, if you find out your building or flat then perhaps see if anyone posts on here as you may find people that way.

    For q2, In the first few weeks we were all very open to hanging out as a whole flat, but slowly people found other friends. Now I would say from the 12, 4 are much less involved but the other 8 of us are very much still a big group. We have also made friends from other flats in our building so theres quite a big group now. Everyone is still friendly and I generally speak to everyone at least once a day (we tend to all cook at the same time so I tend to see people in the evening if I haven't earlier in the day). It does all depend on the flat, but I would definitely say if you show that you want to be friends and that you want to do stuff with your flat then you should be fine
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    (Original post by Emmaclaire4)
    Glad it was of some use!! I remember being very worried and used TSR extensively last summer so glad to help you /

    I go to UEA, and to answer q1, the uni set up groups for each block of flats for us, so I was added into the group for my group of about 25 flats, and from there everyone commented their flat and we fund each other. We then se up a group chat and I made very good friends with one of the girls (we spoke most days from soon after exams to moving in and shes one of my best friends now). I found it very uesful, and was also a way that we could agree to share some items such as who was bringing a kettle etc. We all decided to buy our own kitchen equipment though i know other flats share). This could be something to ask on a forum for your specific uni (do you mind me asking where you want to go?) as the freshers from there will be able to tell you if that uni does anything to introduce flatmates before hand. If nothing else, if you find out your building or flat then perhaps see if anyone posts on here as you may find people that way.

    For q2, In the first few weeks we were all very open to hanging out as a whole flat, but slowly people found other friends. Now I would say from the 12, 4 are much less involved but the other 8 of us are very much still a big group. We have also made friends from other flats in our building so theres quite a big group now. Everyone is still friendly and I generally speak to everyone at least once a day (we tend to all cook at the same time so I tend to see people in the evening if I haven't earlier in the day). It does all depend on the flat, but I would definitely say if you show that you want to be friends and that you want to do stuff with your flat then you should be fine
    I do know that friends have people in their flats who isolate themselves, but I wouldn't say that its likely that all your flatmates will be like this. Flats tend to be big enough that the type of people varies quite a lot so you will probably have lots of different characters
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    i think it comes down to luck really cos your first year experience will massively depend on who u live with. in first year i lived with 18 people. and therefore i had 17 acquaintances straight away who turned into friends. had a great time, great folks, went out loads. but i am currently final year came back from placement in halls again and here i am 9 other ppl many of which are 2nd year not having to hunker down with dissertation etc. but it kinda sucks no one is social and there isn't a chemistry between us so if they were my flatmates year 1 first year would be abit **** if didnt find own friends

    i went on exchange and lived on their halls with freshers. and it was freshers over again but on steroids. i remember standing outside campus with my suitcase hearing north american accents feeling never been so scared in my life. with that experience it was a mix basically flat mates were cool went on nights out, but had some course specific events and i went on my own to clubs thinking **** im gonna have to approach ppl make friends. and i did made loads not that scary
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    (Original post by iBMRjS)
    I’m a bit shy and introverted so was just wondering what tips you have for me when I do arrive at uni? I would like to make friends (and I love drinking alcohol because it makes me sociable) but I’m worried that people won’t want to talk to me since I come across as introverted without booze? Someone once said I should join every society I’m even in the slightest interested in, is this a good idea? Also do people go clubbing during freshers much and do you go with people you make friends with or can you just ask if you can tag along with other random freshers if you don’t speak to your flatmates?
    You really are gonna be just fine. When I joined university, I had come from a school where I had a small cadre of really good friends who accepted me, even though they went out to clubs regularly and I had barely even had alcohol. When you get to uni, do make an effort to go out to the clubs with your friends at least once unless you really, really don't want to - I am really glad I did.

    I went out 4 or 5 more times that term and gradually began to enjoy it more - I made an effort at other social events and people really had no problem. I know others that never go out, and they too have loads of friends who love them for who they are.

    Bottom line - be an introvert, because that's who you are, but be an introvert who at least tries to make some sort of effort with people. They'll realise you're stepping out of your comfort zone and they'll love you for it no matter how far you go.
 
 
 
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