Pravi29
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#1
My teacher won't mark this. Can somebody please give me a grade from 9-1 and a mark out of 40.


A recent article on a travel website has stated:

‘There is no need to suffer the expense and uncertainty of going abroad for a holiday; Great Britain has everything anyone could desire.’
Write an article, in reply, which argues your views on the statement.



Everything you could possible want

Why waste your money going on a holiday overseas when Great Britain has everything one could possibly desire?

Summer is getting closer and closer. Wanting a break from school, the children are adamant that they want to go somewhere "fun" during the holiday. You think "France? Or perhaps Russia- no, what about Japan?" Old, boring Britain escapes your mind. It is the place you see everyday. It lacks the exotic feeling you feel for China or California. It lacks the unique climate in the Caribbean islands. Despite all this, Britain is actually not very different to those countries you want to go. The mountainous landscape that you want to see can be found in North Britain sharing the same exquisite beauty. The Japanese cuisine you choose to eat in Japan at the expense of thousands of pounds can be found in just as good Japanese restaurants.

As you have probably figured, British weather varies immensely. The recent Snowmaggedon proves this. One minute its a beautiful, sunny, boiling day. Next minute, the garden is covered with a white canvas, you are scared you might get frostbite and you are huddled in a warm blanket. It is unpredictable. Yet, the snowy landscape you want to go to Switzerland to see or the hot climate you fly to Sri Lanka to see can simply be found at home. Everything including differnt types of weather can be found in Britain.

Britain has its unique culture like so many other countries - tea is the most British concept which springs to mind. By taking the choice to remain in Britain and enjoying similar experiences to those on overseas holidas, we are preventing ourselves from learning about other cultures. Yes, you are saving money but you are also refraining from meeting new people and experiences a whole new world different to Britain.

Nothing is every as good as the original. The Japanese dishes at Yo-Mama may taste nice but the sushi in Japan is probably much better. The cheaper option is usually not the better option. In a recent study conducted by Dr Kerjo, people preferred objects which were the original rather than amazingly simlar replicas. Although, there may be many other towers, no other building has the same effect as the Eiffel tower. You do not tend to see someone proposinig in front of Big Ben.

Watching a movie, there is silence before the advertisements return. You sigh, reclining on the couch when suddenly turquoise water and shining sand catches your eyes. Trivago is advertising a Caribbean beach - of course, one that has a hotel nearby. Overwhelmed with the desire to walk on these sands - and if you have the cash, you start booking your flight unware of the beautiful beaches just a few miles away. Whilst the Caribbean beaches have green tinged waters and a sense of peace, the British beaches are more energetic with facilities for all ages. It depends on really what type of person you are. Even if Britain has the same attractions as other countries, people may prefer specifics that drive them to go to their chosen location.

The word exotic has many connotations. Sri Lanka, China, and The Caribbean Islands comes to mind yet never Britain. Britain is not a very exotic country. Some may find it so with its monarchy and habits yet to the British, it is not. Every now and then you need a change - including a change from staying in Britain and so it is best to enjoy life even if it is at a financial cost.
Even if Britain has the same to offer, going to other countries is most exciting and favourable and so even if Britain does have everything one could possible desire, it is never the same as an experience with a trip to the airport, a peaceful flight and steeping into a world with a different culture, language and accent.
0
reply
RonnieEl7
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#2
Report 3 years ago
#2
I'd definitely say that response is in the top band (between 30-40 marks), but be careful at what your trying to convey in the final paragraph as it almost is like you are writing an analytical piece when you examine language. Your linking of paragraphs is fantastic and seamless which will gain you marks for content and organisation, I like the variation of first, second and third person point of views. Overall its great, just don't feel as if you have to over complicate it!
0
reply
bluebells1
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#3
Report 3 years ago
#3
Although I can't grade you, I took the new exams last may and got a 9 in english language. The best advice I can have is: 1) challenge the statement - examiners love to see originality and that you have thought about it instead of simply agreeing, which you can do, but as a counter argument for one paragraph.
2) challenge your own arguement. The examiner could sit there and think of millions of ways there disprove your point - beat them to it. Acknowledge your own flaws in your own arguement and use them to your own advantage, Eg by saying "You might think (insert point) but in reality..."
3) use ambitious vocabulary but not ambitiously. Use the odd word here and there but make sure it flows naturally and you keep a consistent voice
4) try to discuss your points holistically and not narrow down too much, unless it requires it

Good luck - from reading yours you are on the right track!
0
reply
Pravi29
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#4
(Original post by RonnieEl7)
I'd definitely say that response is in the top band (between 30-40 marks), but be careful at what your trying to convey in the final paragraph as it almost is like you are writing an analytical piece when you examine language. Your linking of paragraphs is fantastic and seamless which will gain you marks for content and organisation, I like the variation of first, second and third person point of views. Overall its great, just don't feel as if you have to over complicate it!
Oh, yeah! Thanks! Yes the word connotations has connotations with GCSE English Reading Analysis!
1
reply
Pravi29
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#5
(Original post by bluebells1)
Although I can't grade you, I took the new exams last may and got a 9 in english language. The best advice I can have is: 1) challenge the statement - examiners love to see originality and that you have thought about it instead of simply agreeing, which you can do, but as a counter argument for one paragraph.
2) challenge your own arguement. The examiner could sit there and think of millions of ways there disprove your point - beat them to it. Acknowledge your own flaws in your own arguement and use them to your own advantage, Eg by saying "You might think (insert point) but in reality..."
3) use ambitious vocabulary but not ambitiously. Use the odd word here and there but make sure it flows naturally and you keep a consistent voice
4) try to discuss your points holistically and not narrow down too much, unless it requires it

Good luck - from reading yours you are on the right track!
Thank you so much!
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you think receiving Teacher Assessed Grades will impact your future?

I'm worried it will negatively impact me getting into university/college (218)
44.22%
I'm worried that I'm not academically prepared for the next stage in my educational journey (56)
11.36%
I'm worried it will impact my future career (36)
7.3%
I'm worried that my grades will be seen as 'lesser' because I didn't take exams (103)
20.89%
I don't think that receiving these grades will impact my future (53)
10.75%
I think that receiving these grades will affect me in another way (let us know in the discussion!) (27)
5.48%

Watched Threads

View All