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Alone / Depression? watch

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    For a while now I have felt the lowest I have ever felt and this started in January this year. I'm not sure I can describe it but its something that really burns inside. Some days it would be really bad and I would take sleeping pills because i couldn't sleep at all. Often these days were accompanied with no or a lack of eating.

    I have felt enough to know this "feeling" isn't usual. I have felt sadness and I have been sad before but this "feeling" is like no other. If I could articulate this in any way it would be similar to feeling trapped in a dark well and all you hear is blurred voices of people getting on with their lives.

    When it gets too much at night especially I have these mini panic attacks and to stop this I squash my face on a pillow and the shivering (even though im not cold) slowly stops.

    I feel completely alone in my mind. I don't really have any friends but i try and interact with everybody especially at university. The people on my course, the university as a whole is very studious and we just focus on our work (i had 3 hour lectures back to back today + everybody was focused) but when ever there is a bit of time I do interact with people.

    I feel completely alone but one thing I always think about when I am depressed is how I don't relate to anybody. I don't really socialise as much and i am quite a shy person, i don't drink, haven't had a boyfriend, never kissed anybody - i thought i would mention these things.

    My views and aspirations are pretty "unusual" for some reason. Once I mentioned to somebody that I didn't want children and they were just horrible even though they were my friend. I just feel like a silly worthless child even though i don't feel at all guilty or ashamed of my decisions.

    I did mention to those closest to me that i feel sad (i didn't mention anything about depression) on 2 or 3 occasions but they didn't really pay attention but i don't think its their fault since I am pretty private and try and get on with things.

    I'm not sure anymore what I should do. I thought this would go away but its March and I have been feeling like death since very early January. I don't want to speak to a GP or anybody I was thinking about antidepressants but they scare me - what if I get worse?

    If there is anything online or if it requires money I would be happy and open to try it.

    Thanks a lot for reading.
    • #1
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    This sounds a lot like me. My suggestion to you is that you need to get over your resistance to talking to a professional about this, particularly if you don't have any friends that you feel comfortable discussing this with. Antidepressants are not necessarily the solution, they're one of many tools that can be used to approach depression. I was also resistant to using them, but I started a few weeks ago and at the very least, it's not done any harm. Regardless, antidepressants are prescription medications so you'll need to see a doctor about it anyway.

    Doctors are used to talking about these things. There really isn't much stigma about depression these days and I promise you that it'll be fine. I can't guarantee that there's going to be an easy fix, but at the very least you're not going to lose anything by seeing a GP.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This sounds a lot like me. My suggestion to you is that you need to get over your resistance to talking to a professional about this, particularly if you don't have any friends that you feel comfortable discussing this with. Antidepressants are not necessarily the solution, they're one of many tools that can be used to approach depression. I was also resistant to using them, but I started a few weeks ago and at the very least, it's not done any harm. Regardless, antidepressants are prescription medications so you'll need to see a doctor about it anyway.

    Doctors are used to talking about these things. There really isn't much stigma about depression these days and I promise you that it'll be fine. I can't guarantee that there's going to be an easy fix, but at the very least you're not going to lose anything by seeing a GP.
    I should of spoke about why I don't want to do this. I don't trust anybody at all and I have a lot of pride. It physically and mentally hurts me when I need to tell somebody something that is why i can't - I don't want to get worse.
    So yes I do lose something.

    Thank you for your reply.
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    (Original post by The Walking Dead)
    I should of spoke about why I don't want to do this. I don't trust anybody at all and I have a lot of pride. It physically and mentally hurts me when I need to tell somebody something that is why i can't - I don't want to get worse.
    So yes I do lose something.

    Thank you for your reply.
    It sounds to me like you're looking for some easy solution to this problem but I'm sorry, it's doesn't exist. If this is actually depression that you've got, chances are it's not going to just magically go away. Sure, there are things that you can try doing by yourself like meditation or mindfulness, but if this depression is serious enough to have a significant impact on your day-to-day life, I don't think it's particularly likely (from personal experience) that it's going to solve it.

    I get why you're resistant to the idea of talking to a GP. I really do. But I think you need to force yourself to do it regardless. It's just going to get worse otherwise. Once you've taken that first step and you've spoken to someone, trust me, it will get easier.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It sounds to me like you're looking for some easy solution to this problem but I'm sorry, it's doesn't exist. If this is actually depression that you've got, chances are it's not going to just magically go away. Sure, there are things that you can try doing by yourself like meditation or mindfulness, but if this depression is serious enough to have a significant impact on your day-to-day life, I don't think it's particularly likely (from personal experience) that it's going to solve it.

    I get why you're resistant to the idea of talking to a GP. I really do. But I think you need to force yourself to do it regardless. It's just going to get worse otherwise. Once you've taken that first step and you've spoken to someone, trust me, it will get easier.
    Is there anything online?
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    (Original post by The Walking Dead)
    Is there anything online?
    I mentioned meditation and mindfulness and yes, there are plenty of resources for those online. They're good habits to get into generally so it's worth having a look at, but I wouldn't bet on it solving your depression (it hasn't for me). Talking about things is always a good idea so if talking about things online with someone else helps (because of the anonymity), then that can only be a good thing. I can PM you if you'd like.

    Other than that, I'm really not sure what to suggest. I spent a long time trying to deal with this by myself but I realised at a pretty early stage that this was impossible. My problems are not solved but I'm sure as hell glad that I've reached out to others about it because I'd have been in pretty massive trouble if I hadn't.
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    All I can say is that you should find advice and maybe talk to a trusted adult etc. I know its hard to get out of where you are, but you can do it, okay? xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I mentioned meditation and mindfulness and yes, there are plenty of resources for those online. They're good habits to get into generally so it's worth having a look at, but I wouldn't bet on it solving your depression (it hasn't for me). Talking about things is always a good idea so if talking about things online with someone else helps (because of the anonymity), then that can only be a good thing. I can PM you if you'd like.

    Other than that, I'm really not sure what to suggest. I spent a long time trying to deal with this by myself but I realised at a pretty early stage that this was impossible. My problems are not solved but I'm sure as hell glad that I've reached out to others about it because I'd have been in pretty massive trouble if I hadn't.
    I have tried to meditate but it doesn't work and I always try to think positive thoughts but I feel completely low.

    Yes. My thoughts exactly but I still feel paranoid and shy but it doesn't hurt as much as it would if it was in real life.

    That would be lovely, thank you.
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    (Original post by Mist13)
    All I can say is that you should find advice and maybe talk to a trusted adult etc. I know its hard to get out of where you are, but you can do it, okay? xxx
    Hopefully it will be ok

    Thank you.
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    (Original post by The Walking Dead)
    I have tried to meditate but it doesn't work and I always try to think positive thoughts but I feel completely low.

    Yes. My thoughts exactly but I still feel paranoid and shy but it doesn't hurt as much as it would if it was in real life.

    That would be lovely, thank you.
    For me, meditation helps a lot with stress, but it doesn't help at all with depression, so I definitely understand what you're saying. I've sent you a PM.
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    sounds so much like me please talk to somebody
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    sounds so much like me please talk to somebody
    I can't.
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    i know you dont want to see a gp but please do it seems like they cant help but they can. you said its been going on since january and it sounds serious so please try and open up it will help :hugs:
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    can't edit my post but try and open up and starting online will help. sorry your going through this but theres always a light at the end of each tunnel
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can't edit my post but try and open up and starting online will help. sorry your going through this but theres always a light at the end of each tunnel
    Thanks for your replies.

    Just not sure where to start.

    I hope so too.
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    Go to the GP, honestly.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    Go to the GP, honestly.
    Its last on my list. I'm just trying to be calm. Speaking to somebody especially in real life is going to make it all worse.
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    exercise, meditate (takes practice) and cut down on tech usage so only using internet when really needed. also do productive things read, pick up a skill, hobby etc. just pick up habits you think are considered good and limit ones considered not so good. but dont subsitiute for medical advice
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    (Original post by papajohns)
    exercise, meditate (takes practice) and cut down on tech usage so only using internet when really needed. also do productive things read, pick up a skill, hobby etc. just pick up habits you think are considered good and limit ones considered not so good. but dont subsitiute for medical advice
    I already do these things they don't help.

    Thanks for your reply.
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    (Original post by The Walking Dead)
    Its last on my list. I'm just trying to be calm. Speaking to somebody especially in real life is going to make it all worse.
    Simple things we all overlook which can help someways (though is no cure):
    -good sleep
    -good food
    -good exercise
    -fresh air
    -moderate socialising
 
 
 
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