Am I in the wrong?

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DrawTheLine
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#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
I'd really appreciate opinions on this.

At uni in halls, I share a flat with 3 others - we share a kitchen and living area. We're all first years. At the start of the year (academic) we made an agreement about flat rules basically. We wash up all dishes within 24 hours of use, and remove them from the drying rack within 24 hours of putting them there. One guy volunteered to empty the bin whenever it got full. We also agreed to clean up our mess as we made it.

It's now the time everyone (except me) has gone home for the Easter holidays. I came home from work to find the flat pretty messy. The bin was overflowing (which it was from yesterday, but not been emptied - I would have done it but the guy didn't say he had gone home, so I assumed he was still here), people had left their dishes on the rack and dirty dishes on the counter tops, plus dried up sauce on the hob. Crumbs, grated cheese and general mess were left everywhere too. This has repeatedly been my findings coming back to the flat throughout the year, so this has not been a regular thing.

I always stick to the agreement. I wash up by dishes immediately after use, and leave them to dry overnight, removing them in the morning, so they are there max 12 hours. I also clean up my mess as I go, using disinfectant cleaner every time. I hoover the hallway too. I don't think it's hard to wash up your dishes straight away or within a few hours.

I messaged our group chat to confirm if everyone had gone home, then when everyone confirmed they had gone, I sent a photo of the bin saying "thanks to whoever left this for me". I then apologised for being rude but then said that the mess was ridiculous that it had been left for me to clean up whilst everyone was at home. I'm not going home for reasons not relevant here.

Then it all went ugly, and my flatmates were saying it's not that messy and I should be able to cope with a few dirty dishes for a few days, and also that crumbs will happen, and I am making it out worse than it is.

I was brought up to believe that if you make a mess, you clean it up, not leave it for 4 days. That's not unreasonable in the slightest. Apparently having enough crumbs to make a piece of bread (seriously not exaggerating) is acceptable, and having dirty dishes going mouldy is fine.

I ended the conversation saying that it must just be my view that you clean up your mess, and that in future I will not mention it.

But was I wrong to say they should have cleaned up their mess? They're away for 3 weeks, meaning I will have to clean it up. Their responses are making me doubt my frustration, although I'm confused as to why I think I could be wrong for wanting to live in a clean flat.

TL;DR - my flatmates have gone away for Easter, leaving their mess behind. I messaged them to say they should have cleaned up, and they got annoyed at me. Was I wrong to tell them?
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Ray_Shadows
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#2
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#2
this is the reason why i'm dreading uni , i don't want to end up sharing a house with messy scrubs :/

but i think you were in the right by letting them know because as it's your house as much as there's plus why would they want to live in their own filth
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DrawTheLine
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Ray_Shadows)
this is the reason why i'm dreading uni , i don't want to end up sharing a house with messy scrubs :/

but i think you were in the right by letting them know because as it's your house as much as there's plus why would they want to live in their own filth
Thank you. Yeah it sucks, so I spend most of my time away from the communal area.
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Notoriety
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#4
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#4
Ordinarily I would say you're in the right.

However you have behaved irrationally and disrespectfully in the past over similar things, re putting rubbish outside of people's doors and so on. Whatever rational objection you has now is drowned out by half a year of your passive aggression, sad to say.
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showaeski
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#5
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#5
Yeah they probably should have cleaned up after themselves but in halls I think you just need to accept that you're not always going to have the same cleaning habits. There are better things to be doing at uni than cleaning up and towards the end of term with deadlines and packing, it's normal for people to be a bit lazy about it.
I'm curious about how messy it is, you should post a pic.
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Ray_Shadows
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#6
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#6
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Thank you. Yeah it sucks, so I spend most of my time away from the communal area.
If this gets out of control then you should have a house meeting with your colleagues to talk about the situation in a calm manner and address the issue to their face and suggest ways to get over it (even if it is obvious)
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DrawTheLine
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#7
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#7
(Original post by Notoriety)
Ordinarily I would say you're in the right.

However you have behaved irrationally and disrespectfully in the past over similar things, re putting rubbish outside of people's doors and so on. Whatever rational objection you has now is drowned out by half a year of your passive aggression, sad to say.
They were messy before I was passive aggressive, so that doesn't make a difference here. I only got passive aggressive because they didn't clean up when I asked nicely. I do appreciate your opinion though.

(Original post by showaeski)
Yeah they probably should have cleaned up after themselves but in halls I think you just need to accept that you're not always going to have the same cleaning habits. There are better things to be doing at uni than cleaning up and towards the end of term with deadlines and packing, it's normal for people to be a bit lazy about it.
I'm curious about how messy it is, you should post a pic.
Not going to post pics, sorry. And yeah I get we have different habits but why did they agree to it if they weren't going to stick to it? I still have deadlines and packing to do, yet I still stick to it. Thanks for your opinion though, I appreciate it.
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DrawTheLine
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Ray_Shadows)
If this gets out of control then you should have a house meeting with your colleagues to talk about the situation in a calm manner and address the issue to their face and suggest ways to get over it (even if it is obvious)
Normally I would, but one of them is "officially" moving out next week (coming back for one day to move out) and only coming back for exams, and then when the other 2 come back after Easter we have like 3 weeks before we move out for good anyway, so I'm not sue it's worth bringing it up again. Thanks for your opinion!
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claireestelle
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#9
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#9
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I'd really appreciate opinions on this.

At uni in halls, I share a flat with 3 others - we share a kitchen and living area. We're all first years. At the start of the year (academic) we made an agreement about flat rules basically. We wash up all dishes within 24 hours of use, and remove them from the drying rack within 24 hours of putting them there. One guy volunteered to empty the bin whenever it got full. We also agreed to clean up our mess as we made it.

It's now the time everyone (except me) has gone home for the Easter holidays. I came home from work to find the flat pretty messy. The bin was overflowing (which it was from yesterday, but not been emptied - I would have done it but the guy didn't say he had gone home, so I assumed he was still here), people had left their dishes on the rack and dirty dishes on the counter tops, plus dried up sauce on the hob. Crumbs, grated cheese and general mess were left everywhere too. This has repeatedly been my findings coming back to the flat throughout the year, so this has not been a regular thing.

I always stick to the agreement. I wash up by dishes immediately after use, and leave them to dry overnight, removing them in the morning, so they are there max 12 hours. I also clean up my mess as I go, using disinfectant cleaner every time. I hoover the hallway too. I don't think it's hard to wash up your dishes straight away or within a few hours.

I messaged our group chat to confirm if everyone had gone home, then when everyone confirmed they had gone, I sent a photo of the bin saying "thanks to whoever left this for me". I then apologised for being rude but then said that the mess was ridiculous that it had been left for me to clean up whilst everyone was at home. I'm not going home for reasons not relevant here.

Then it all went ugly, and my flatmates were saying it's not that messy and I should be able to cope with a few dirty dishes for a few days, and also that crumbs will happen, and I am making it out worse than it is.

I was brought up to believe that if you make a mess, you clean it up, not leave it for 4 days. That's not unreasonable in the slightest. Apparently having enough crumbs to make a piece of bread (seriously not exaggerating) is acceptable, and having dirty dishes going mouldy is fine.

I ended the conversation saying that it must just be my view that you clean up your mess, and that in future I will not mention it.

But was I wrong to say they should have cleaned up their mess? They're away for 3 weeks, meaning I will have to clean it up. Their responses are making me doubt my frustration, although I'm confused as to why I think I could be wrong for wanting to live in a clean flat.

TL;DR - my flatmates have gone away for Easter, leaving their mess behind. I messaged them to say they should have cleaned up, and they got annoyed at me. Was I wrong to tell them?
I don't think you were wrong to mention it , if they left something to the next day fair enough but when they re away for weeks that's horrendously unhygienic. Unfortunately from my halls experience my flatmates didn't change and the mess didn't get better so I in the end left them to it and only cleaned their mess near inspections, so it could be a case of having to live with it till the end of the year and hopefully have better flatmates next year.
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Ray_Shadows
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#10
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#10
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Normally I would, but one of them is "officially" moving out next week (coming back for one day to move out) and only coming back for exams, and then when the other 2 come back after Easter we have like 3 weeks before we move out for good anyway, so I'm not sue it's worth bringing it up again. Thanks for your opinion!
ah ok , fingers crossed you get good housemates next year
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DrawTheLine
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#11
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#11
(Original post by claireestelle)
I don't think you were wrong to mention it , if they left something to the next day fair enough but when they re away for weeks that's horrendously unhygienic. Unfortunately from my halls experience my flatmates didn't change and the mess didn't get better so I in the end left them to it and only cleaned their mess near inspections, so it could be a case of having to live with it till the end of the year and hopefully have better flatmates next year.
Yeah, I don't mind the next day because I totally understand you can't always wash up immediately e.g. leaving a casserole dish to soak. But 3 weeks is too much. I'm moving into a house with 3 girls next year and they all seem good and clean so hopefully it'll be better. Thank you.

(Original post by Ray_Shadows)
ah ok , fingers crossed you get good housemates next year
Thank you. I'm moving in with 3 girls I know next year, so I'm pretty sure it'll be a big improvement.
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claireestelle
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#12
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#12
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Yeah, I don't mind the next day because I totally understand you can't always wash up immediately e.g. leaving a casserole dish to soak. But 3 weeks is too much. I'm moving into a house with 3 girls next year and they all seem good and clean so hopefully it'll be better. Thank you.
hopefully it ll be much better next year, if you can manage to after this time just leave their mess when possible, they may learn that way or if they dont you're not wasting more effort on them.
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Pete_M21
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#13
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#13
Generally, duties should be passed around, with the bin just take it out whoever fills it up last. If people leave dirty plates and go home then that is bad but on the drying rack, you can always just put them away for them, no hassle. With the crumbs and everything, they should have cleaned but if you believe it’s not your job, leave it to them and they’ll do it when they see that no one is doing it for them.
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DrawTheLine
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#14
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#14
(Original post by Pete_M21)
Generally, duties should be passed around, with the bin just take it out whoever fills it up last. If people leave dirty plates and go home then that is bad but on the drying rack, you can always just put them away for them, no hassle. With the crumbs and everything, they should have cleaned but if you believe it’s not your job, leave it to them and they’ll do it when they see that no one is doing it for them.
Normally we would pass the duties around, but this guy volunteered to do the bins, because he smokes so regularly goes outside. He said he will do it every time, because it makes sense as he goes outside a lot (his words). I have in the past put their stuff away for them, but is it difficult to remember to put away your dishes when they're dry? And yeah, I don't think it is my job to clean up other people's mess especially when they're capable. Thanks for your input, it's helpful.
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Pete_M21
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#15
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#15
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
Normally we would pass the duties around, but this guy volunteered to do the bins, because he smokes so regularly goes outside. He said he will do it every time, because it makes sense as he goes outside a lot (his words). I have in the past put their stuff away for them, but is it difficult to remember to put away your dishes when they're dry? And yeah, I don't think it is my job to clean up other people's mess especially when they're capable. Thanks for your input, it's helpful.
Ah that makes sense. It is a bit bad of them to leave for home and not put their stuff away first tbf. Definitely isn’t your job to clean up their mess. Leave it for them to see and they’ll do it
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doodle_333
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#16
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#16
Honestly they probably had the best of intentions and wanted to be clean and tidy but having never done it before (since most people's parents do 90% in their family home) they didn't realise how lazy they'd be.

I wouldn't be pissed about the bin cos that guy was nice to say he'd do it, you should help out occasionally to show your appreciation.

The rest is gross though, I've seen it over and over at uni. People don't plan their time and think about the consequences and they have a train to catch so tehy just leave because they need to. They probably don't realise that if you leave all that stuff for 3 weeks you'll probably come back to mould and cockroaches (seems like common sense but some people genuinely don't have any).

You could box up their dirty dishes and leave them by each door (or inside if you can), scrape all the crumbs into the boxes and let them dealw ith the mould when they get back btu it's still pretty gross. Sometimes it's not worth the battle.
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