Uncomfortable about sex and relations

I haven't really had much sexual experience and ones I've had weren't really consensual, basically I was sexually assaulted a few times. I find it quite hard to comprehend the whole business of sex and stuff but I don't know how to go about anything. I'd say I'm a bit awkward to be honest, I'd like to be in a relationship but I doubt any boys would be interested in someone like me to begin with. Just a lonely mess to be honest.

Reply 1

MB043

Knowing what happened as mentioned in your post would make anybody uncomfortable which is only natural because you need time to trust people again and there is nothing wrong with how your feeling so please do not worry about feeling uncomfortable.

As for how you feel about yourself saying that you doubt anybody would be interested in being with you, I would certainly say do not worry about that either.

I say that because even at almost 45 years old I am not the best looking guy in the uk but I met my other half and have been with her now for 16 years.

You will find the right guy but I would say after what you have been through that I would recommend taking some time to enjoy life, do all the things you want to do then when you are ready and only when you are ready go out with some friends and see what happens, you could strike lucky 1st time but DO NOT WORRY if you don't, it will take time.

When the right guy comes along you will know but don't rush yourself under any circumstances.

Reply 2

username2088029

Original post by Anonymous

Hey! Don't say things like that! i understand the whole not comprehending sex part cause still to this day i'm very oblivious to the whole why people have sex thing but trust me there are loads of guys who are open minded and would go out with u if given the chance! to be honest i need a bit more info to help understand your situation but if you want someone to talk to or vent or need advice feel free to pm me or anyone else on the forum!

(edited 6 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dark_Knight123

I guess I just don't really seem to find the right people, as I don't really put my self out there in comparison to other girls. I just feel like I'm surrounded by people who've had many sexual experiences and that most guys are just after sex, which is more often than not. I've probably not found someone who's that interested in me and isn't phased by my past. It's all a bit complicated really. And if I do find a guy I like I tend to find it quite hard to open up about my past and explain why I might feel uncomfortable in situations. I'd guess I'd say I'm not very assertive and find it hard to communicate myself across to people. I'm really not sure

Reply 4

MB043

Its a very difficult subject to deal with by any means because without knowing about the past before what happened its hard to know whether things happened at school say, were you bullied, did you have issues with the work that meant you fell behind. Things like that.

Please understand that I am not saying you had those problems in any way at all but issues like those can still be present even as in my case 28 years after I left school in 1989.

What is it about you that makes you think like that ?

I know its easy for me to say this because like anybody else on tsr we've never physically met you to allow you to talk face to face about what it is that makes you feel that way.

You should never rip yourself apart in any way bevause its 1 of those things that can become a bad habit. Ever since I left school I did that and eventually 1 of my mates got me to talk and he suggested I get help with my issues, so I did.

In 2011 I went to a group session and after the facilitator had explained the process there was a few minutes silence but eventually I broke the silence and started talking.

After a few minutes of hearing my problems the other members started joining in and we all started conversing about our issues.

Now I am not saying thats what you need to do but it may help you.

I am also going to offer to talk to you via private messages if you think it will help you open up 1 to 1 but off the main forum pages.

I will leave it up to you but the offer is there if you want it.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by MB043

Well I've been very misunderstood in primary and secondary school. I really didn't fit in very well at secondary and was surrounded by extremely smart people, I didn't really form any soild friendships there and I felt I had to try harder than everyone else to stay within middle ground (like grades and stuff), just to keep people happy.

I am currently having councilling privately, but it's quite expensive but the lady I talk to I find really helpful. And the NHS mental health services aren't great, and I've experienced a few mishaps and communications with them. Not to mention that the waiting list is very very long and I've been waiting for around 2 years now. I've had a previous group session but that isn't so much for me as I found myself acting like I was fine more than ever just because I didn't want to make the psychologists running the group feel bad, because other people there weren't very receptive. I've realised that I'm more of a 'people pleaser' and rather keep people happy than have a confrontation or voice my opinion explicitly. I think my train of thought is just very pessimistic and I tend to worry and overthink everything. Like if I had a meeting or somthing, the night before my head will just play out all the bad scenarios. I'm also currently on sertraline, although to be honest I'm not that sure if it's doing much. I've taken fluoxetine in the past but had a continuous burst of panic attacks at one point a few months in, so I was off it and then switched. I've recently had a few other medical problems, of which are probably stress related and aren't great. Basically I'm a bit of a mess

Reply 6

MB043

I can certainly feel a great sympathy with you because I too had problems at school, I was used as a punch and kick bag for the entirety of my school years and was almost running for the hills when I left my secondary school.

Mainly I was picked on because I had other interests to the others in the schools, interests like building models, music and oddly enough volcanoes which is what I am studying now with the OU.

I was never interested in football and was called a loser virtually every day. At dinner times instead of walking around the yard in my secondary school I was up in the music room working on anything that I thought might be a good piece fir my 4th & 5th year exams and the lads hated me for it.

More recently I have had 2 lots of therapy because in 2012/13/14 my confidence and self esteem were absolutely non existent and my anxiety had shot throughthe roof but now since losing my dad 13 months ago all 3 are heading that way again + now there is a possibility that I might be diagnosed with aspergers as there are thing I do that my brother who works with people with various conditions ( he is a driver for a transport company ) has noticed in both myself and him as its possible he has it too.

I have not tried any medications as I am terrible at taking tablets and have always found that talking is a far easier way to deal with problems.

Like you I overthink things and get myself so tied up in knots that I end up making mistakes, 1 almost resulted in me picking up an iron while it was plugged in whichI had not noticed but what scares me now is that I have recently considered self harming and recently used a wire brush on my right leg to remove excess dead skin which didn't start to give me any pain until about 20 hours aftet I had used the wire brush.

I am completely disgusted at myself for thinking of doing that but right now its how I am feeling.

Also now I am just waiting to start more counselling before I go too far and make the ultimate mistake and pay too high a price.

Please don't give up, I am here if you want to talk or we can switch to email off the forum if you need to but that's up to you, I will not push you as I hope I can help you and do something right with my wretched life.

Uncomfortable about sex and relations

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