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Loneliness...

Hello so basically I'm nearly 21 and I am still a virgin. I've never had a proper girlfriend in my life with the exception of some silly and meaningless relationships at school. People always say 'it'll happen one day' but that's showing no signs of coming true whatsoever. I'll admit I'm not the best with girls and nor am I exactly a huge sociable person either but even still I've seen people who I would say are worse off than me with partners. I'm always unsure about my appearance and while I sometimes feel like I'm a pretty decent looking guy I get the impression that others don't agree with me.

I go out regularly so the opportunity is there but I've never had girls show interest in me and I'm not the type to approach them personally. I've tried using dating apps and things like that but nothing has come of that either.

Help me...

Reply 1

username1339858_

Just remember, desperation reeks

Reply 2

Analyst89

I hope this helps:

Just be yourself, talk to girls like you talk to your male friends. Don't put them on a pedestal, they are just people.

Improve yourself, hit the gym, wear nice clothes, groom well, have a good hairstyle, have good posture, have good self esteem.

Love yourself and be happy, do things that make you happy, partake in your hobbies, relax, be proud of the person you are, you are important and part of the world and you matter.

Conversation skills are very important, look below on the points to help you with this.

You could try online dating, speed dating, joining clubs based on hobbies, through college/uni, through your network, through hobbies and approaching females.

I hope this helps:

1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

6) Ask how they are, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

7) Be passionate about life.

8) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

9) Look outside!

Reply 3

Dunnig Kruger

Lots of good advice from Analyst89. Read it and integrate as much of it as you can into your life.

I'd also add that this is key "I'm not the type to approach them personally" There are 2 solutions to this.

1. Change yourself. Become the type to approach strangers. Especially attractive women.

2. Get someone you know to introduce you to women. Someone to play cupid. There are even matchmaking services that you can use, if you have the money.

And something that might help your mindset and your self-confidence is to focus on your good points and stop thinking about your less good points.
So, please go ahead and list your 10 strongest points. You can either do it privately or here on this thread.