A guy I sexted wants me to pick him over my boyfriend

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#1
Sorry for the long into, it's needed though x

Before I got with my boyfriend I used to sext lots of guys especially in the summer - it was all casual, nothing serious, like I used to talk to a few but never with the intention of getting together with them or anything (kinda friendly I guess?).

Fast forward to a few months later, me and my boyfriend (let's call him J) started dating and we've been extremely happy ever since (I would say I'm in love and can honestly imagine spending the rest of my life with him). J's faultless - he's kind, caring, understanding, literally he has all the qualities a perfect boyfriend would have.

Anyway, a guy I regularly used to sext suddenly messaged me saying he has feelings for me. EXCEPT, we never used to talk after - he was a textbook fboy, but he now claims to have changed due to certain events in his life. Once he told me I felt like I had to be there for him as a moral obligation.

Of course, I told J all of this and he said he doesn't care as he trusts me. I had blocked the former fboy before but I can't avoid him as he just makes new accounts to message me on, but he doesn't get the message that I don't want him, what should I do?

Part of me feels bad and I've tried hinting that nothing will happen, but he wants me to give him a month as a chance to see if anything could happen? Should I just let the time go by and then say I don't want you?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated x
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Anonimuse
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#2
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If you weren't interested in his advances you would not have any problems ignoring him and his multiple accounts. Let alone post this thread about your moral obligation etc. Dealing with a deluge of romantic advances from strange men is what any faithful woman does if she's even averagely attractive, I could go out to say it's a typical part of the human reproductive behavior.

So you should start with acknowledging your desires and motivations. You might be attracted by this ex sexting partner because he seems exciting and new while your perfect boyfriend is in reality quite boring. There is no shame in this, live your life as you see fit, you don't owe society or anybody else anything; if that is what you really want, offer him "a month" (an affair without your boyfriend's knowledge). Would regret it a month after it has fizzled out? Would your conscience allow you to lie to your boyfriend?
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Anonymous #2
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he just wants you to sleep with him, not have a relationship with him. don't be a fool
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username1339858_
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#4
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You love your guy no? What if it was the other way round, a girl your guy had sexted?
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Stuffme
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#5
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ahh someones getting cucked
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Dunnig Kruger
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#6
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#6
Get a new phone number and tell only your close friends and family what your new number is.
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TheEnchantress
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Just tell him that you don’t like him and your currently really happy in your relationship also tell him that it was more of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation and no strings attached 🌸 You have no moral obligation as you both knew this was for time pass and nothing serious and it’s not like you led him on ☀️ stay with J as he seems like a really nice guy 💎
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonimuse)
If you weren't interested in his advances you would not have any problems ignoring him and his multiple accounts. Let alone post this thread about your moral obligation etc. Dealing with a deluge of romantic advances from strange men is what any faithful woman does if she's even averagely attractive, I could go out to say it's a typical part of the human reproductive behavior.

So you should start with acknowledging your desires and motivations. You might be attracted by this ex sexting partner because he seems exciting and new while your perfect boyfriend is in reality quite boring. There is no shame in this, live your life as you see fit, you don't owe society or anybody else anything; if that is what you really want, offer him "a month" (an affair without your boyfriend's knowledge). Would regret it a month after it has fizzled out? Would your conscience allow you to lie to your boyfriend?
I don't want to give him a chance at all, but he doesn't seem to get that and I don't know how else to tell him without hurting him.
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Anonymous #1
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wdym?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he just wants you to sleep with him, not have a relationship with him. don't be a fool
I don't want a relationship with him at all
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Stuffme)
ahh someones getting cucked
No one is
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't want to give him a chance at all, but he doesn't seem to get that and I don't know how else to tell him without hurting him.
You've tried telling him nicely, now you have to be firm and possibly a bit rude.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You've tried telling him nicely, now you have to be firm and possibly a bit rude.
he brought up his mental health whenever I tried
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheEnchantress)
Just tell him that you don’t like him and your currently really happy in your relationship also tell him that it was more of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation and no strings attached 🌸 You have no moral obligation as you both knew this was for time pass and nothing serious and it’s not like you led him on ☀️ stay with J as he seems like a really nice guy 💎
I tried before but he either didn't get what I was saying or brought up his mental health which made me feel so bad. There's no way I would leave J, especially not for this guy, thank you so much for your advice❤️
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
he brought up his mental health whenever I tried
So you're supposed to be harassed by this person to protect his feelings? What about your feelings? He's turning into a stalker and could get dangerous. I totally understand mental health is a serious issue, but you cannot live your life constantly blocking and re-blocking this guy to protect his feelings.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
So you're supposed to be harassed by this person to protect his feelings? What about your feelings? He's turning into a stalker and could get dangerous. I totally understand mental health is a serious issue, but you cannot live your life constantly blocking and re-blocking this guy to protect his feelings.
What do you suggest I do?
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Airmed
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He shouldn't hide behind his mental health. You have no obligation to make sure he is ok, aka accept his offer. Just tell him no and block him and ignore him.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you suggest I do?
Meet him in person or call him and tell him no, you're happy with your boyfriend and you will never be with him, ever. What you did with him was just a bit of fun, and nothing serious. Tell him he needs to understand that, and to stop creating new accounts.

You can't be nice about it now or you will let this go on forever.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Airmed)
He shouldn't hide behind his mental health. You have no obligation to make sure he is ok, aka accept his offer. Just tell him no and block him and ignore him.
That would be okay?
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Airmed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That would be okay?
Yes. It's not fair on you.
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