Am I depressed or just really stressed?
I’m in tears as I write this. I’m thinking this isn’t normal, like I’ve been feeling low for so many weeks now. Here’s the story: I used to self harm a bit last summer and beginning of uni last year but I’ve stopped doing it now as I realised how stupid I was for scarring myself like that and now I will always have to find a way to cover it up. I guess I brought this on myself for being an idiot.
I basically had unprotected sex whilst at uni a couple of months ago. I took three pregnancy tests after not getting my period for five weeks but they all came up negative. So I got blood tests done and there’s nothing that seems to be wrong with me. Yet it’s been over two months now since my last period and so I’m still worried that maybe there’s a chance I could be pregnant so I keep stressing about it. I have read stories on the internet about women who were pregnant despite pregnancy tests being negative. So there’s that. Another thing is that I feel like I may have developed some kind of eating disorder at uni. I admit I definitely have lost quite a bit of weight over the past year and all my friends know and say how I don’t eat. I wasn’t like this before uni, like I wasn’t so conscious of my weight but now it’s something that is mostly constantly on my mind and I’ve developed little rules for myself etc. Being at home now though I can’t really get away with eating less with my parents around, so I’ve been eating one proper meal a day and a snack in the evening. I get satisfaction out of seeing the number on the scale go down. Everything else feels like **** right now so this is something that I feel good about. Then there’s the next thing. Since I’ve been home from uni for the past week I’ve been a lot more relaxed, being back in the comforts of my own home and stuff. This was until a few days ago when my cat of two years old had to suddenly be put down which I am obviously devastated and heartbroken about. I just can’t get over the fact he’s not here anymore. He was my baby. I seem normal to others, obviously they know I’m sad, but when I’m alone like I am right now I will either cry loads or just feel almost numb. Then there’s all my uni work I have to do which I don’t know how I’m going to get myself through. I have no motivation to revise for the four exams I have when I go back or the three assignments I have yet to start. I don’t remember the last time I actually went to a lecture which is bad I know. The last one I turned up to I ended up standing outside the door for 5 minutes then went straight back to my uni flat. Then I skipped all my other lectures that day to get my bloods done. Idek other reasons for missing lectures. Sometimes it would just be a ‘nope’ day, like I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. One of my friends said she already misses being at uni. I was thinking really? Like I do not miss uni one bit right now. I’m dreading going back just cause of the workload and the stress that awaits me. I used to love uni and I still do (confusing i know haha) This semester has just hit me really hard. I feel like I should be missing uni like my friend does. It’s not like I’m lonely there in terms of friends and stuff, although I feel alone in the way I’m feeling.
I feel a lot calmer writing this all down, even if I don’t get a lot of responses haha. I’ve stopped crying now lol. I just feel really depressed a lot of the time now. It’s weird too, cause about an hour ago I was sat in my room jamming to my happy playlist feeling good, next thing i know I’m laying down in bed in tears. The last few days have been particularly rough. I miss my boy😞 Has anyone else been through anything similar? Any advice?
I basically had unprotected sex whilst at uni a couple of months ago. I took three pregnancy tests after not getting my period for five weeks but they all came up negative. So I got blood tests done and there’s nothing that seems to be wrong with me. Yet it’s been over two months now since my last period and so I’m still worried that maybe there’s a chance I could be pregnant so I keep stressing about it. I have read stories on the internet about women who were pregnant despite pregnancy tests being negative. So there’s that. Another thing is that I feel like I may have developed some kind of eating disorder at uni. I admit I definitely have lost quite a bit of weight over the past year and all my friends know and say how I don’t eat. I wasn’t like this before uni, like I wasn’t so conscious of my weight but now it’s something that is mostly constantly on my mind and I’ve developed little rules for myself etc. Being at home now though I can’t really get away with eating less with my parents around, so I’ve been eating one proper meal a day and a snack in the evening. I get satisfaction out of seeing the number on the scale go down. Everything else feels like **** right now so this is something that I feel good about. Then there’s the next thing. Since I’ve been home from uni for the past week I’ve been a lot more relaxed, being back in the comforts of my own home and stuff. This was until a few days ago when my cat of two years old had to suddenly be put down which I am obviously devastated and heartbroken about. I just can’t get over the fact he’s not here anymore. He was my baby. I seem normal to others, obviously they know I’m sad, but when I’m alone like I am right now I will either cry loads or just feel almost numb. Then there’s all my uni work I have to do which I don’t know how I’m going to get myself through. I have no motivation to revise for the four exams I have when I go back or the three assignments I have yet to start. I don’t remember the last time I actually went to a lecture which is bad I know. The last one I turned up to I ended up standing outside the door for 5 minutes then went straight back to my uni flat. Then I skipped all my other lectures that day to get my bloods done. Idek other reasons for missing lectures. Sometimes it would just be a ‘nope’ day, like I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. One of my friends said she already misses being at uni. I was thinking really? Like I do not miss uni one bit right now. I’m dreading going back just cause of the workload and the stress that awaits me. I used to love uni and I still do (confusing i know haha) This semester has just hit me really hard. I feel like I should be missing uni like my friend does. It’s not like I’m lonely there in terms of friends and stuff, although I feel alone in the way I’m feeling.
I feel a lot calmer writing this all down, even if I don’t get a lot of responses haha. I’ve stopped crying now lol. I just feel really depressed a lot of the time now. It’s weird too, cause about an hour ago I was sat in my room jamming to my happy playlist feeling good, next thing i know I’m laying down in bed in tears. The last few days have been particularly rough. I miss my boy😞 Has anyone else been through anything similar? Any advice?
I can sort of relate how you're feeling. Lately I don't feel any motivation for school whatsoever, I've just stopped caring. I also used to self harm, although it was some years ago, and not that serious. Lastly, I relate to feeling super happy one second, and then starting crying the next. It is honestly super confusing, because I want to talk with someone about it, but then I don't think there's enough to talk about, cause I feel good sometimes, and I'm worried I'm just over exaggerating when I feel bad. I did end up talking with my good friend about it though, and she told me she has been going through a hard time and has been talking to a therapy for some time now. I would recommend talking with your friends, family, or even finding a therapist, if you feel the need to. It really helped me, that someone I knew could relate to the things I felt, and i also think it helped her.
About your eating problem, I would personally say you have some sort of eating disorder, but of course I'm not a doctor, and I can't know for sure. I really recommend talking with someone about that especially, as it can be really dangerous and also affect your mental health.
All in all, you should really talk with someone you know about all the things you've written in this post. I know it's a cliché, but it's always so much harder going through something alone. As I said, I also feel the same about school, but unfortunately I haven't found a solution to it, or found out why I'm feeling this way, I'm sorry, I hope find the answers and that it all gets better. Best of luck with everything (:
About your eating problem, I would personally say you have some sort of eating disorder, but of course I'm not a doctor, and I can't know for sure. I really recommend talking with someone about that especially, as it can be really dangerous and also affect your mental health.
All in all, you should really talk with someone you know about all the things you've written in this post. I know it's a cliché, but it's always so much harder going through something alone. As I said, I also feel the same about school, but unfortunately I haven't found a solution to it, or found out why I'm feeling this way, I'm sorry, I hope find the answers and that it all gets better. Best of luck with everything (:
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