Polyamory: I fancy this girl but I have a Boyfriend. Watch

Anonymous #1
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I fancy this girl but I have a Boyfriend. Pls advice me. 😂
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BKS
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Are you or aren't you in a relationship with a poly agreement? Do you want to be or is it just you fancy someone but don't really want to act on it? Do you just want something casual or do you want multiple relationships?

If you want advice you kind of need to be more precise about the problem
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FakeNewsEditor
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The verb is advise. Yes, I'm an ******* like that.

Not sure what kind of advice you want though. I am not sure this is polyamory either.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BKS)
Are you or aren't you in a relationship with a poly agreement? Do you want to be or is it just you fancy someone but don't really want to act on it? Do you just want something casual or do you want multiple relationships?

If you want advice you kind of need to be more precise about the problem
WELL, of course I can expand on it. You don't need to sound fed up 😂 I haven't started yet 😂

My boyfriend knows of the whole situation, he talks to her aswell and wants to get close to her. We haven't agreed on anything as of yet.

So I guess were trying to be Polyamorous?

I don't know.

I'm bisexual and so is the girl. But I feel like it's all forced and creepy in the way I want to make this work? But she's the type of girl who's really down to earth and really be down for anything so at this point anything could happen . What I'm really fearing, is driving her away. That's what I don't want to do. She mirrors me in every way. Like really I don't want to lose her. She's the nicest person ever and we have SOOOO many things in common.

I'm guessing you want to know about my boyfriend now also:

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years have been together through a lot and were stuck like glue. Literally. We live together in a studio. But also we are very much in love still. ANYHOW, at first he was very jealous but then became on board with the situation and had started talking to her. They are in the same course and they do projects together.

Erm I don't know what else to say. Haha that's about it so far.

Fire away the questions I guess 😂
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by FakeNewsEditor)
The verb is advise. Yes, I'm an ******* like that.

Not sure what kind of advice you want though. I am not sure this is polyamory either.
Oi Feisty 😂 sorry I'll take note.

I've just replied to BKS. You can read it and give your thoughts after 😁
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BKS
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(Original post by Anonymous)
WELL, of course I can expand on it. You don't need to sound fed up 😂 I haven't started yet 😂

My boyfriend knows of the whole situation, he talks to her aswell and wants to get close to her. We haven't agreed on anything as of yet.

So I guess were trying to be Polyamorous?

I don't know.

I'm bisexual and so is the girl. But I feel like it's all forced and creepy in the way I want to make this work? But she's the type of girl who's really down to earth and really be down for anything so at this point anything could happen . What I'm really fearing, is driving her away. That's what I don't want to do. She mirrors me in every way. Like really I don't want to lose her. She's the nicest person ever and we have SOOOO many things in common.

I'm guessing you want to know about my boyfriend now also:

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years have been together through a lot and were stuck like glue. Literally. We live together in a studio. But also we are very much in love still. ANYHOW, at first he was very jealous but then became on board with the situation and had started talking to her. They are in the same course and they do projects together.

Erm I don't know what else to say. Haha that's about it so far.

Fire away the questions I guess 😂
Sounds a bit complicated. It's easier to deal with being poly when you start the relationship on that basis, changing the relationship to no longer be monogamous is obviously pretty significant. But it's not impossible, with good communication, trust and honesty. You need to figure out what your boundaries are, being poly doesn't mean anything goes but it also doesn't come with the clear assumptions you get with monogamy, you need to figure out what's right for thing for you and your boyfriend.

But then the thing is you have an actual other person before you have established these boundaries. You've got to see that as a separate thing, you can't shape (intentionally or more likely not) how you want your relationship with your long term boyfriend to be around some girl you like. It'd be easier if you had already figured it out and agreed it with your boyfriend then met this girl but you've not. But I do think it will have a high chance of getting messy if you don't figure out what you want, same for your boyfriend then you agree together then you think about doing something with this girl.

You saying it feels forced and creepy is a big red flag that something isn't sitting right with you, you've got to unpick what's going on there.


Being poly and having successful poly relationships takes a fair bit of work that isn't involve in monogamous relationships. The upside of that is it will force you to really think about what you want.


Not sure that's actually giving you any advice, just reflecting on what you have said
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LadyEcliptic
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As per what BKS said.

Communication is so important. You'd be surprised how many people have overlooked that part in relationships.
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flying seahorse
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Glassapple is this you
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username2911200
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(Original post by flying seahorse)
Glassapple is this you
Considering I'm 100% gay, I don't find girls attractive at all, I despise sex with them (I've had sex with 2 girls in the past and hated it completely) and I don't have a boyfriend, this most definitely is not me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BKS)
Sounds a bit complicated. It's easier to deal with being poly when you start the relationship on that basis, changing the relationship to no longer be monogamous is obviously pretty significant. But it's not impossible, with good communication, trust and honesty. You need to figure out what your boundaries are, being poly doesn't mean anything goes but it also doesn't come with the clear assumptions you get with monogamy, you need to figure out what's right for thing for you and your boyfriend.

But then the thing is you have an actual other person before you have established these boundaries. You've got to see that as a separate thing, you can't shape (intentionally or more likely not) how you want your relationship with your long term boyfriend to be around some girl you like. It'd be easier if you had already figured it out and agreed it with your boyfriend then met this girl but you've not. But I do think it will have a high chance of getting messy if you don't figure out what you want, same for your boyfriend then you agree together then you think about doing something with this girl.

You saying it feels forced and creepy is a big red flag that something isn't sitting right with you, you've got to unpick what's going on there.


Being poly and having successful poly relationships takes a fair bit of work that isn't involve in monogamous relationships. The upside of that is it will force you to really think about what you want.


Not sure that's actually giving you any advice, just reflecting on what you have said
Thanks for the input

But I definitely don't want to be monogamous, I'm looking to be in a poly relationship and an exclusive one where boundaries can be set. Etc.

I still don't feel confident in what I'm doing. Think of it as coming out of the closet, but if I was to come out there would be more consequences and a lot of other negative factors.

I just need someone to tell me that I'm ok.

Urghh. 😭
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Sarahsays0x
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I think its OK but a lot of people can't get their head round anything that's not monogamy
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