Please give some suggestion, advice or tell me what m doing wrong.

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 years ago
#1
Its been 5 or 6 yrs my mom and dad split. I could never decide whose side to take. So i went back and forth in both sides. If i go to stay with mom my dad wouldn't like it and if i go to stay with dad my mom didn't like it but since i was a little young at that time i thought it was ok to go back and forth. after a year or two my elder bro completely cut off with my dad idont know what exactly happened but i always tried to reunite them which went in vain. soon after my dad remarried then my younger brother stopped going to his place and i was the only one left. being the only daughter and sister i thought i should not have any negative feelings about either of my parent and try to maintain harmony in both sides. But recently m starting to have feelings like my dad dont like me for me. He used to like when i was younger, i was good in studies. Now also m not that bad in studies but because i took a drop after high school and then changed my major after 1 yr. I think because of this he doesnt like me nowadays. what can i do if i was not sure about what to do in life. After my parents split up i tried to maintain financial support from dad because my mother does for both my brothers (ps:both my mom and dad are poor). now my dad put me in such a strict university that i cant go home anytym and breaks are for a very short tym. so this tym for 10 days i went to my mom's place because i missed home so much. i told my dad i want to come home he said he doesnt have money for plane ticket so just stay at dorm and come in annual break. so i asked my mom money for my plane tickets. my mom recently had gone under major operation and she didn't have money but still because we both missd each other she borrowed money from her frn for my tickets.then i was able to go home as i told my dad that m going to my mom's he immediately told me not to stay at my mom's for more than 2 or 3 days and that i should come at his place for the rest of the holiday. i thought it was a little unfair but i was a little happy that he wanted to see me because after i changed my major he would never talk to me nicely. But later i came to know he was calling me not because for me but because his wife was pregnant and they neded a care taker. i dont have any problem in caring for my stepmom when she is pregnant but i just felt hurt and i couldnt let him do this to me i felt kind of like being used. during my break i didnt know my stepmom was pregnant , my mom was not physically fit and lonely so i wanted to stay this 10 days with her i told my dad that i cannot come this time but i will come in my annual break when i have holidays for more than 2 months. They were furious , started saying m so materialistic (they think my mom is rich and buys me every materialistic stuffs but that s not true) that i dont care about them n ol. they refused to send me my stepmom's lapi as promised after that (isnt that so childish just because i couldnt go at his place he now doesnt wanna give me the lapi). but i cried and made a fuss so they sent me the lapi. For my whole journey they sent me only 61 dollars. From that i had to pay for the gas, have food, stay a night at uncle's place before entering hostel, buy college stuffs, buy personal things etc.. if my mom hadn't given a bit of extra money (she also had to send fees to my brothers at that time) i couldnt have survived my way back to college properly. after a month I ASKED HIM TO SEND POCKET MONEY...its been a month i need to buy stuff or just eat out atleast once...he wouldnt pick my call and reply after a day or two to my text that he was asleep when i asked him why didnt he pick my call. ok he didnt pick my call but he isn t even replying after seeing my msg (same goes for my stepmom ok mayb she is busy with the new born baby). Then i told him no problem but send me money as next week i have to buy stuff with my friends (seriously m not asking money to party m asking money to survive). he replies "i dont have money." Now m so frustrated instead of saying something wrong to him i found this site to ask help from u guys. pls advice me or suggest me whats going on? because i have no idea. I mean my dad could say something lyk "right now i dont have money. will it be ok if i send u next week" or "i can send u only 20 dollars" or whatever a father should say . I feel like m not his daughter but somebody else who is asking him for money.
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999tigger
Badges: 19
#2
Report 2 years ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Its been 5 or 6 yrs my mom and dad split. I could never decide whose side to take. So i went back and forth in both sides. If i go to stay with mom my dad wouldn't like it and if i go to stay with dad my mom didn't like it but since i was a little young at that time i thought it was ok to go back and forth. after a year or two my elder bro completely cut off with my dad idont know what exactly happened but i always tried to reunite them which went in vain. soon after my dad remarried then my younger brother stopped going to his place and i was the only one left. being the only daughter and sister i thought i should not have any negative feelings about either of my parent and try to maintain harmony in both sides. But recently m starting to have feelings like my dad dont like me for me. He used to like when i was younger, i was good in studies. Now also m not that bad in studies but because i took a drop after high school and then changed my major after 1 yr. I think because of this he doesnt like me nowadays. what can i do if i was not sure about what to do in life. After my parents split up i tried to maintain financial support from dad because my mother does for both my brothers (ps:both my mom and dad are poor). now my dad put me in such a strict university that i cant go home anytym and breaks are for a very short tym. so this tym for 10 days i went to my mom's place because i missed home so much. i told my dad i want to come home he said he doesnt have money for plane ticket so just stay at dorm and come in annual break. so i asked my mom money for my plane tickets. my mom recently had gone under major operation and she didn't have money but still because we both missd each other she borrowed money from her frn for my tickets.then i was able to go home as i told my dad that m going to my mom's he immediately told me not to stay at my mom's for more than 2 or 3 days and that i should come at his place for the rest of the holiday. i thought it was a little unfair but i was a little happy that he wanted to see me because after i changed my major he would never talk to me nicely. But later i came to know he was calling me not because for me but because his wife was pregnant and they neded a care taker. i dont have any problem in caring for my stepmom when she is pregnant but i just felt hurt and i couldnt let him do this to me i felt kind of like being used. during my break i didnt know my stepmom was pregnant , my mom was not physically fit and lonely so i wanted to stay this 10 days with her i told my dad that i cannot come this time but i will come in my annual break when i have holidays for more than 2 months. They were furious , started saying m so materialistic (they think my mom is rich and buys me every materialistic stuffs but that s not true) that i dont care about them n ol. they refused to send me my stepmom's lapi as promised after that (isnt that so childish just because i couldnt go at his place he now doesnt wanna give me the lapi). but i cried and made a fuss so they sent me the lapi. For my whole journey they sent me only 61 dollars. From that i had to pay for the gas, have food, stay a night at uncle's place before entering hostel, buy college stuffs, buy personal things etc.. if my mom hadn't given a bit of extra money (she also had to send fees to my brothers at that time) i couldnt have survived my way back to college properly. after a month I ASKED HIM TO SEND POCKET MONEY...its been a month i need to buy stuff or just eat out atleast once...he wouldnt pick my call and reply after a day or two to my text that he was asleep when i asked him why didnt he pick my call. ok he didnt pick my call but he isn t even replying after seeing my msg (same goes for my stepmom ok mayb she is busy with the new born baby). Then i told him no problem but send me money as next week i have to buy stuff with my friends (seriously m not asking money to party m asking money to survive). he replies "i dont have money." Now m so frustrated instead of saying something wrong to him i found this site to ask help from u guys. pls advice me or suggest me whats going on? because i have no idea. I mean my dad could say something lyk "right now i dont have money. will it be ok if i send u next week" or "i can send u only 20 dollars" or whatever a father should say . I feel like m not his daughter but somebody else who is asking him for money.
It needed paragraphs.

The gist ot is that they have a bit of a power thing over from when they divorced or rather your father does.

Where are you studying, how far apart are your parents and what is your normal home country?

There are obviously resentments and complications going on.

I think you should have stayed at uni, even if homesick as if the plane ticket is international then thats money your mum couldnt afford.
Imo she has the right for the majority of the time as she paid for the ticket.

As for asking for money, then I think you really needed to get a job back at uni so you arent reliant on either.
In future you may not be able to rely on your dad he seems jealous and is using you as a power struggle..
I would have stayed at uni, let him get on with his own life and you make yourself independent. feelings and love of a daughter are too mixed in with money and power issues at the moment.

If you stay at uni and stop asking for money/ get a job then you can stop asking and stop worrying. Your mum borrowing money just for a plane ticket is not good.
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