he thinks i was a virgin when we first did it...

please keep anon as my friends post on here and this is personal.

i have been with this guy for 2 months now. when we first met we were sleeping buddies, but with time i realized he spends more and more time with me and he has dumped his other girlfriends. he is so into me right now that he cant stand the idea of me being with other guys and is very posessive. he wont even look at other girls and begs me to be faithful while he is away abroad. this is getting quite serious and he calls me his gf. we get on amazingly well. the thing is, he thinks i lost my virginity to him, which isnt true. we met for the first time in october, when i WAS a virgin, but then didnt see each other for two months until we met again randomly and things took off from there. however, when we met a second time, i wasnt a virgin. i told him the first time we met that i was though and he has gone on believing it. i omitted to tell him i had lost my virginity. now that we seem to be pretty much in a relationship, i wonder if i should tell him that my first time wasnt with him, because it means a lot to him. but then im afraid he will get really mad and leave me.. what should i do??

Reply 1

Aesop

11

Don't tell him. Just let him believe what he wants... ultimately it makes no difference.
Given the circumstances and your general demeanor, I don't see this relationship lasting very long (sorry).
So enjoy it while you can.

Reply 2

SmilerNuts

15

Why did you "omit to tell him"?

Reply 3

PirateGirl

8

Hmm I think you should keep this to yourself.

It's not exactly a 'hurtful' lie. Not even a lie really if he has just assumed.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Reply 4

Sanity Panda

Yeah I've gotta agree with Aesop. The relationship won't really last... he's just way too possessive.

Reply 5

xJessx

18

I don't think he should be mad because you didn't actually lie to him, you just made an omission which is different although it's up to you. If it means alot to him, and it's unlikely that he will find out then maybe you shouldn't tell him although if you want a proper, honest relationship you should tell him. x

Reply 6

HCD

16

In a case such as this, where you're not directly lying... does it really matter? It sounds like it's better not to hurt his feelings - ignorance is bliss.

Reply 7

Lantick

Lanticks wise words of the day:

As a wise women (aka my mother) told me once, "what you don't know can't hurt you", I think this applies to your situation.

So put it too the back of your mind and enjoy life!

Reply 8

arminvanpite

14

You say that since telling him you were a virgin at the first meeting that he's "gone on believing it" but of course he will if you don't tell him otherwise, yet you've said it like it's his fault and so on. He does seem quite possessive of what you've said, especially since he begged you to stay "faithful" to him while he was away yet no conversation between either of you about being anything more to each other than **** buddies went on. Now, it's not that you have lied to him about being a virgin, but during the months you didn't see each other things changed with you and since you haven't told him any different, he obviously doesn't know that anything has changed. So, just come out and tell him. Why shouldn't you? If he has a problem, then it's HIS problem.

Reply 9

arminvanpite

14

I know people are saying that she shouldn't tell him, but with this possessive attitude he seems to have, do you not think she'd be better to tell him and risk losing him if he really is that fickle, than to keep it to herself and risk him flipping out...?

Reply 10

Lantick

bloodredbeat

I know people are saying that she shouldn't tell him, but with this possessive attitude he seems to have, do you not think she'd be better to tell him and risk losing him if he really is that fickle, than to keep it to herself and risk him flipping out...?

More than likely it will only trigger an argument, why put yourself through the whole process of explaining yourself, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone about anything, even something like this.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

bloodredbeat

You say that since telling him you were a virgin at the first meeting that he's "gone on believing it" but of course he will if you don't tell him otherwise, yet you've said it like it's his fault and so on. He does seem quite possessive of what you've said, especially since he begged you to stay "faithful" to him while he was away yet no conversation between either of you about being anything more to each other than **** buddies went on. Now, it's not that you have lied to him about being a virgin, but during the months you didn't see each other things changed with you and since you haven't told him any different, he obviously doesn't know that anything has changed. So, just come out and tell him. Why shouldn't you? If he has a problem, then it's HIS problem.

im not implying that its his fault at all! its completely mine since i havent told him yet that things have changed. and i know that the fact that i was virgin when we first did it means a lot to him (well, rather the fact that he believed i was one) because he said that he is glad he was my first one and that he really cares about me. this he admitted after we had been **** buddies for a while. he has developed feelings for me. i really like him too, and feel really guilty. he isnt as badly possessive as it sounds btw, maybe it just comes across as really bad on the internet but i dont mean he is a paranoi freak. he is just really gentle and caring :p:

Reply 12

RosiePosiePuddingAndPie

12

SmilerNuts

Why did you "omit to tell him"?

Maybe because the topic never came up? I know I hardly ever feel the need to suddenly blurt out "ByTheWayI'mNotAVirginAnymore" in conversation. And if they were doing 'sexy things' in bed, that's hardly the right moment to bring it up! :p:

I wouldn't tell him. He doesn't need to know. I presume there's little chance of the other guy telling him, or him finding out in some way? I'd tackle the possessiveness if I were you, though... that doesn't sound fun..

Reply 13

Aesop

11

Whatever you do, do not use it as fodder in an argument. If you can see yourself doing that, tell him now or end it.

Reply 14

arminvanpite

14

Lantick

More than likely it will only trigger an argument, why put yourself through the whole process of explaining yourself, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone about anything, even something like this.

I don't see how being honest could make things worse. If anything, he'd get his boxers in a twist over nothing, she'd realise how much of an idiot he is and have nothing more to do with him... win win.

Reply 15

Rubix

correct me if im wrong, but dont virgins have a hymen?

Reply 16

lolilady---O

1

Why have you suddenly decided you should tell him now, after keeping it from him all this time? Just don't tell him.

Reply 17

Lantick

bloodredbeat

I don't see how being honest could make things worse. If anything, he'd get his boxers in a twist over nothing, she'd realise how much of an idiot he is and have nothing more to do with him... win win.

Yeah but what I'm saying is why put yourself through an unnecessary argument, think about your health :biggrin:

Stress doesn't do any good for anyone :rolleyes:

Reply 18

Aesop

11

Rubix

correct me if im wrong, but dont virgins have a hymen?

I seriously doubt as to whether the majority of guys that age would be able to determine whether it was her first time or not.

Reply 19

Hopple

18

Whilst you haven't told an outright lie, you've allowed him to keep on believing a false assumption (and quite a reasonable one at that, considering you've had the opportunity to tell him).

If there's a chance he might have got an infection from you, you should certainly tell him, but if not, it's still worth telling him - be it to not hurt him later when he does find out (you'll have a few more uncomfortable moments to deal with), or to find out what type of person he is and whether he's worth staying with.

he thinks i was a virgin when we first did it...

Related discussions

Articles for you