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    Pls mark my poetry paragraph power and conflict anthology. Pls grade it using 9-1 and give improvements. Thanks Compare the ways poets present ideas about power in ‘Ozymandias’ and in one other poem from ‘Power and conflict’. Both ozymandias and my last duchess portray human power as being ultimately worthless. Shelly uses the irony “shattered visage” which highlights that human achievements are insignificant compared to the passing of time. Alternatively it shows that the king is unrecognisable and has no identity anymore. Browning uses the character of the duke to show how his wife didn’t value his “gift if nine hundred years old name”. This leads to her death as she hurt the dukes pride. Both poems show that power is useless and is easily destroyed. Shelly hated the oppression if ordinary people and this belief was supported by the French Revolution where the monarchy was overthrown. In contrast browning hated pride and wanted to show that status doesn’t matter. Here both poets have different views about power in their poems. In ozymandias the reader is challenged to consider their own view of power as clearly it wasn’t useful for ozymandias as his statue was broken and destroyed. Similarly, in my last duchess, Browing challenges the reader to think about their views about status and if it is actually important as it wasn’t for the duke as his wife didn’t appreciate his “gift”
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    I can’t give a grade (sorry) but I think the points are fine, try to develop your points a bit more if possible but good start
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    (Original post by Defence11)
    Pls mark my poetry paragraph power and conflict anthology. Pls grade it using 9-1 and give improvements. Thanks Compare the ways poets present ideas about power in ‘Ozymandias’ and in one other poem from ‘Power and conflict’. Both ozymandias and my last duchess portray human power as being ultimately worthless. Shelly uses the irony “shattered visage” which highlights that human achievements are insignificant compared to the passing of time. Alternatively it shows that the king is unrecognisable and has no identity anymore. Browning uses the character of the duke to show how his wife didn’t value his “gift if nine hundred years old name”. This leads to her death as she hurt the dukes pride. Both poems show that power is useless and is easily destroyed. Shelly hated the oppression if ordinary people and this belief was supported by the French Revolution where the monarchy was overthrown. In contrast browning hated pride and wanted to show that status doesn’t matter. Here both poets have different views about power in their poems. In ozymandias the reader is challenged to consider their own view of power as clearly it wasn’t useful for ozymandias as his statue was broken and destroyed. Similarly, in my last duchess, Browing challenges the reader to think about their views about status and if it is actually important as it wasn’t for the duke as his wife didn’t appreciate his “gift”
    Please learn to paragraph.

    Now. How exactly does "shattered visage" highlight the insignificance of human achievement? How does it show the king being unrecognizable?

    How is the duke being used to show the duchess not valuing the gift? How exactly are these poems showing the worthlessness of power?

    You are making points, but giving no evidence or explanation, and those things are fundamental even in year 7.

    So, try again. Write paragraphs that:
    1. Make a Point
    2. Support the point with Evidence
    3. Explain how the evidence proves the point

    As my English teacher said to me, twelve years ago: always make sure you PEE on your work.
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    You have got some very good ideas and it is clear that you have a lot of knowledge about the poem, however, you do need to improve your structure. For example, you need to clearly state the overall topic of the paragraph that you are going to be writing about, such as, - " 'Funeral Blues' and 'Remember' maintain a strict form and structure to communicate the finality and permanence of loss, and to create coherence in the voice's message." Here, I have made it clear that my paragraph is going to be focused around the structure and form of the poems and the points that I will make within my paragraph will be centred around this topic. In comparative essays, I would strongly recommend that you focus one paragraph on the themes of the poems, another paragraph on the structure and form and then a final paragraph focusing on language devices. However, do not be afraid to interlink the points about themes and language within all paragraphs, but the structure that I have suggested will add more coherence and fluency to your essay, which ultimately gives you room to expand your points and cover all that you need to get the highest marks.

    In order to help you to expand your points, think about analysing words individually and also consider the implicit and explicit meanings.

    Message me on private message if you would like some examples of comparative essay paragraphs. I managed to get 28/30 in my comparative essay for english literature Good luck!
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    (Original post by ?Hannah?)
    You have got some very good ideas and it is clear that you have a lot of knowledge about the poem, however, you do need to improve your structure. For example, you need to clearly state the overall topic of the paragraph that you are going to be writing about, such as, - " 'Funeral Blues' and 'Remember' maintain a strict form and structure to communicate the finality and permanence of loss, and to create coherence in the voice's message." Here, I have made it clear that my paragraph is going to be focused around the structure and form of the poems and the points that I will make within my paragraph will be centred around this topic. In comparative essays, I would strongly recommend that you focus one paragraph on the themes of the poems, another paragraph on the structure and form and then a final paragraph focusing on language devices. However, do not be afraid to interlink the points about themes and language within all paragraphs, but the structure that I have suggested will add more coherence and fluency to your essay, which ultimately gives you room to expand your points and cover all that you need to get the highest marks.

    In order to help you to expand your points, think about analysing words individually and also consider the implicit and explicit meanings.

    Message me on private message if you would like some examples of comparative essay paragraphs. I managed to get 28/30 in my comparative essay for english literature Good luck!
    Thanks for your feedback. I will do more of these paragraphs types. Pls can u follow me so u can do more feedback. Thanks
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    (Original post by Defence11)
    Thanks for your feedback. I will do more of these paragraphs types. Pls can u follow me so u can do more feedback. Thanks
    no worries at all x and of course i will follow and continue to help x good luck!
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    (Original post by ?Hannah?)
    no worries at all x and of course i will follow and continue to help x good luck!
    R u familiar with the GCSE 9-1 grades. If yes pls can u put a grade on my paragraph. Thanks.
 
 
 
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