The Student Room Group

How to keep someone in the friendzone?

A guy I've been kind of friendly with at uni has started messaging me over the easter holidays. We would never message but we'd see each other most days and have a few nice chats. Never any flirting.
He initially messaged something uni related and we were chatting about it for a bit and then ever since it's progressed into normal chat. I sometimes ignore his messages for hours just because I don't really have time to reply and I don't want to give the wrong impression. I also often leave the conversation to die but he will pick it back up.
He doesn't really flirt but his messaging behaviour is making me think maybe he is interested in being more than friends?
I'd be happy being friends but honestly right now I'm finding his messages to be too much of a distraction. I don't need a pen pal, I like my own space.
He seems to be picking up pace and messaging more. I just really don't want the awkwardness of him asking me out. Or for this to go on as weeks of texting and waste our times.

I don't want to now say 'I'm not looking for anything right now' because there's no reason for me to assume he's interested in me romantically. But I do want to put an end to it.
He is a sound guy and a nice friend so I don't want to make a thing about it or ignore his messages too much and him think I'm a b*tch.

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Tell him you have an STI
Reply 2
You don't have to say anything unless he asks you out. For all you know, he could just be friendly. You're just friends after all, so just act like a friend towards him.
Well, the best thing to do is to let the conversation naturally stall and see how long they are willing to try to restart it.

Alternately, I hate to breaak it to you, you may need to talk to them directly and just face what the response is. If you are not comfortable with this, then a straight forward message stating if he has any interest is the best bet. It may seem hard but you sometimes have to face up and deal with life's scenarios
Reply 4
Do you have any proof that he likes you?

Is he single?

Maybe he needs you for schoolwork?

Maybe he is just bored?

If he was a girl, you would not ask these questions.

If you think he likes you, then all you have to do is wait for him to ask you out and then you reject him.
Reply 5
Original post by UWS
You don't have to say anything unless he asks you out. For all you know, he could just be friendly. You're just friends after all, so just act like a friend towards him.


I know and I would be happy to be friends but I'm not into this constant messaging. I do leave hours between messages sometimes to give me peace of mind but it never ends. Whenever I let the conversation die and I don't reply he'll come back with something else. I'd be happy to be friends who message occasionally or just a few messages throughout the week but not all morning and night.
Reply 6
Original post by Anonymous
I know and I would be happy to be friends but I'm not into this constant messaging. I do leave hours between messages sometimes to give me peace of mind but it never ends. Whenever I let the conversation die and I don't reply he'll come back with something else. I'd be happy to be friends who message occasionally or just a few messages throughout the week but not all morning and night.


You don't owe him a fast reply. Reply at your own pace.
You should go with it, you have the chance for some Paramount studios tier sexual tension. Drag it out over the course of 6 years before finally getting together. Now that is the way it should work.
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
No he's just friendly and has been eager to please in the past.
Yes he's single.
He doesn't need me for uni work, it was a broad question about our tutor.
He may be bored, doesn't seem to be going out much this Easter but we both have dissertations so I don't know how he has this much free time.
Never experienced this with a girl.
Thing is I can't be arsed waiting weeks for him to ask me out. If he does like me he isn't going to do anything now because we have a couple more weeks of Easter holidays. He's quite a shy guy and I've made this mistake before. Thinking they just wanted to be friends and engaging in their conversation. So I just want to stop all this conversation asap whether he likes me or not.

You have every right to stop talking to him.

What you have to do is tell him and say I feel like we just don't connect and wish you all the best.

People in business do it all the time, things go good and the person says I feel like it's not working out anymore.
ignore his messages, not replying sends a clear indication of disinterest in a person, as you havent been besties for life obviously he will get it, if he had deeper aspirations.
Original post by beach700
You have every right to stop talking to him.

What you have to do is tell him and say I feel like we just don't connect and wish you all the best.

People in business do it all the time, things go good and the person says I feel like it's not working out anymore.


Thing is we do connect a lot as friends. Which is why I don't want to ruin this friendship. He's one of the soundest guys I've met at uni and we share a lot of interests. Of course I will tell him all this if he does ever ask me out but I don't want it to get to that stage. I just want him to cool off. I find it hard as well because a lot of my humour is naturally quite flirty so I've really had to tone it down because I'm scared he'll get the wrong impression.
Original post by Realitysreflexx
ignore his messages, not replying sends a clear indication of disinterest in a person, as you havent been besties for life obviously he will get it, if he had deeper aspirations.


Ok I'll up the ignoring times. I swear he just thinks I'm busy though and not that I'm not interested. Because it doesn't make him reply any less. If I don't reply, he'll come back with a follow up message. He doesn't seem to get the hint.
Original post by Anonymous
Well, the best thing to do is to let the conversation naturally stall and see how long they are willing to try to restart it.

Alternately, I hate to breaak it to you, you may need to talk to them directly and just face what the response is. If you are not comfortable with this, then a straight forward message stating if he has any interest is the best bet. It may seem hard but you sometimes have to face up and deal with life's scenarios


Trust me I do let it stall but then when he realises I'm not going to reply, he sends another message.
I won't see him face to face for a while (luckily) but yeah I may have to take the risk or maybe even drop in feelings for another boy.
Original post by Anonymous
Thing is we do connect a lot as friends. Which is why I don't want to ruin this friendship. He's one of the soundest guys I've met at uni and we share a lot of interests. Of course I will tell him all this if he does ever ask me out but I don't want it to get to that stage. I just want him to cool off. I find it hard as well because a lot of my humour is naturally quite flirty so I've really had to tone it down because I'm scared he'll get the wrong impression.


Just tell him so you could make it clear.

If he likes you, then he might just ignore you so he could move on from you.

If he doesn't like you, he will keep the friendship
just don't reply to him , he'll get the message

̶w̶o̶r̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶
Reply 15
Stop messaging altogether. If necessary tell him you're too busy to chat. Confide in him about someone you fancy the pants off.
Original post by Zarek
Stop messaging altogether. If necessary tell him you're too busy to chat. Confide in him about someone you fancy the pants off.

She needs to learn how to be honest.

Stop messaging will not make her learn how do deal with these kinds of things.
You could just tell him what you've written there, that you're worried because that's not the direction you want your friendship to go in, and you just want to make sure you're both on the same page.
Reply 18
Original post by Anonymous
A guy I've been kind of friendly with at uni has started messaging me over the easter holidays. We would never message but we'd see each other most days and have a few nice chats. Never any flirting.
He initially messaged something uni related and we were chatting about it for a bit and then ever since it's progressed into normal chat. I sometimes ignore his messages for hours just because I don't really have time to reply and I don't want to give the wrong impression. I also often leave the conversation to die but he will pick it back up.
He doesn't really flirt but his messaging behaviour is making me think maybe he is interested in being more than friends?
I'd be happy being friends but honestly right now I'm finding his messages to be too much of a distraction. I don't need a pen pal, I like my own space.
He seems to be picking up pace and messaging more. I just really don't want the awkwardness of him asking me out. Or for this to go on as weeks of texting and waste our times.

I don't want to now say 'I'm not looking for anything right now' because there's no reason for me to assume he's interested in me romantically. But I do want to put an end to it.
He is a sound guy and a nice friend so I don't want to make a thing about it or ignore his messages too much and him think I'm a b*tch.




make up an imaginary guy you fancy and each time he messages you bring up the guy and ask for advice over him, saying he's great and so wonderful etc

literally each time he messages you turn the conversation back to this guy

he'll soon stop messaging you.......
Just say to him you have a lot of uni work, so you want to keep any distractions to the minimum as you need to focus 🌸

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