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I'm 18 and slept with an older guy

So I got really drunk at a party and I met this older guy, I don't know his age but I made the first move because I was drunk, we ended up having sex but I regret doing it. The other guy was also drunk but I made the first move and lead him on until we got to the bedroom where I didn't give any clear signs I wanted or didn't want it to happen.

I don't know what to do.

The guy was messaging me the next day because I gave him my number before we got into bed and he was checking up on me?

Would I be wrong to tell the police that I had sex with a guy when I was drunk so could not give consent? I don't want to sound bad but I know it's quite easy for girls to get away with it, which is wrong but true because I felt used and couldn't stop crying. I scrubbed my body after in the shower until it hurt too much to clean.

I'm doing this anonymously because I've stated clearly how I feel and it's a bit controversial xxx
This is remarkably similar to another thread earlier today.

Regretting sleeping with someone is not the same as failing to give consent and there being some sort of sexual crime.
The second part that is relevant for a crime is whether he had reasonable belief that you gave consent.

You are better off talking to a counsellor for now to sort out your feelings and consider your options. You can then decide if its a good option to go to the police if you wish. Regret is not the same as lack of consent.

Am just pasting my response from an earlier thread.

its important you speak to someone now confidentially, so you can share your feelings and they can offer support. They wont judge you and they will give you advice on steps to take. It is confidential.


Here is some more information.

You will see there are the contact details for rape crisis as well as information to find your local sexual assault referral centre (SARC).

You can get advice there and they can help you make sense of the situations so you can decide what to do. SARC can also provide medical assistance plus help preserve evidence.


1. Do not wash or shower. It's important to preserve forensic evidence.Put any clothing including underwear in a bag or leave them there.[ In this situation, then I dont think its likely this will be required, but you might as well do it just in case]

2. Contact your uni welfare support. They probably have a specialist emergency line or if in halls contact the warden. If at school you may have a school nurse or counsellor. If you dont trust them then use some of the other contacts where you can be anonymous and it is confidential.

3. If you dont wish to contact them, then contact Rape Crisis so you can talk it through with them and decide what you want to do. It doesnt have to be rape and they are experienced in talking about an sexual encounters.
The number is.

Freephone 0808 802 9999

12 noon - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm

https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

The advantage of speaking to counsellors first is you can talk it through first and feel more in control as you talk through your options and then involve the police. Its very important you dont blame yourself and that you get good advice.


4. You could also contact the police.

5. If you dont wish to use any of those then you can visit your local
Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) part of the NHS and they can inspect you plus give you some initial advice and support. Use the link to locate your closest one.

https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Ra...tionSearch/364

6. Maybe get a friend round to be with you if you need the immediate support and you are sure of their ability to keep things confidential.

7. Hang in there and get busy talking to people. Its better to find out and get in contact with the right people and then you can feel more in control.

8. Write down everything you can about the sequence of events plus any info they might need to locate where this house and who the person was.

If you act quickly you can get the morning after pill [If needed] from your GP or SARC. Please get support and talk it over with the people mentioned above.
Original post by Anonymous
Would I be wrong to tell the police that I had sex with a guy when I was drunk so could not give consent?


Do you really think that's what happened?

If interviewed, he would be asked what made him think you consented to the sex. "She made the first move and lead me on until we got to the bedroom. She then didn't give any clear signs she didn't want it to continue..." means that it's unlikely to end up in a prosecution, unless there's something you're not telling us, like he had to undress you while you lay there snoring.

If it's a case of regret, then tell him that you regret doing it and you don't want to hear from him again.
Original post by Anonymous
So I got really drunk at a party and I met this older guy, I don't know his age but I made the first move because I was drunk, we ended up having sex but I regret doing it. The other guy was also drunk but I made the first move and lead him on until we got to the bedroom where I didn't give any clear signs I wanted or didn't want it to happen.

I don't know what to do.

The guy was messaging me the next day because I gave him my number before we got into bed and he was checking up on me?

Would I be wrong to tell the police that I had sex with a guy when I was drunk so could not give consent? I don't want to sound bad but I know it's quite easy for girls to get away with it, which is wrong but true because I felt used and couldn't stop crying. I scrubbed my body after in the shower until it hurt too much to clean.

I'm doing this anonymously because I've stated clearly how I feel and it's a bit controversial xxx

Well just before you had sex, did you want to or not? Because giving signs or not is not the same thing as how you actually felt at the time. Was it only afterwards that the regret sunk in? Or did you want to tell him to stop?

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