English lit - othello - edexcel - plz mark my essay - as level Watch

zainwaraich123
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OTHELLO ESSAY PLZZ MARK AND HOW TO IMPROVE
EDEXCEL. OUT OF 25 MARKS
HOW I CAN IMRPOVE?

wrote this timed 58mins, and I'm in year 12

The disruption in a relationship is the chaos unravelled between Othello and Desdemona, due to Iago’s conniving plotting and scheming in which he successfully attempts to tarnish their relationship, transcending the strength of one’s façade and conceit, leading to Othellos ultimate hamartia – jealousy.

Platonic love is explored through the relationship of Othello and Desdemona, in which their differences of race and status strengthen their ideal love for one another. Othello is an impossible position as a black male serving a white patriarchy, as he loves ‘thee gentle Desdemona’, suggesting through the emotive language that Othello desires Desdemona due to her feminine grace and sympathy; she loves him for his masculinity. ‘Gentle’ suggests she is kind and warming character, yet also in a vulnerable position in society, foreshadowing her hamartia – consistency of innocence. Likewise, the setting of Venice is powerful and romantic, like their relationship at first, yet it moves to a military conflicting setting, which also reinforces the destruction in their relationship. This is reinforced in Shakespeare’s earlier play ‘Romeo and Juliet’ because both families wont accept one another creating a conflict, criticising how society allows family to decompose true love, primarily due to discrimination.

Othello continues to expose his affection for Desdemona publicly, yet Shakespeare transcends how racism can also be a barrier to romantic love. Iago is prejudice towards Othello, expressing his heavily racist stereotypes, by suggesting Othello is a ‘black ram tupping’ a ‘white ewe’ to refer to Desdemona. ‘Old black ram’ is harsh animal imagery used to Iago’s advantage to show Desdemona his flaws, yet Desdemona ignores the racial differences and stereotypes of black men in Jacobean society, as she holds a robust radical point of view for a Jacobean heroine, as she doesn’t view mixed marriages with anxiety. Culturally, in the 17th century mixed marriages were viewed with anxiety and shocking in the Jacobean era as to Iago black symbolises evil and suspicion, strengthening his xenophobic perspective. Iago’s personality is shown in Shakespeare’s earlier play, ‘The Merchant of Venice’ due to his excessive biased view, in which Shylock is viewed as an outsider due to his culture of being a Jew, questioning how this injustice firstly erupted in ‘Othello’ due to a prior jubilant attachment between Othello and Desdemona.

Disruption in the relationship was caused by Iago, in which Iago used jealousy as a catalyst to destruct their platonic love, propelling the havoc downfalls of most of the characters, including himself. Jealousy damages Othello as he distorts Othello’s ability to distinguish between appearance and reality, unable to glance that Iago hides behind a façade of ‘honesty’ and ‘truth’. Iago is considered a ‘green ey-d monster’ suggesting through the vivid metaphor that envy is deadly and lethal, in which Iago adapts Othello’s mind-set completely, causing him to ‘smother’ his own wife. ‘Monster’ connotes the strength of covetousness and how it can consume one, whereas it also represents how monsters are imaginary, similar to his lies and deceits which he used amongst most the characters. Historically, the Muslim and the Christian states had a dangerous war which caused an abundance of harm, advocating how Iago takes advantage of the uneasy political situation to destabilise their marriage. A Modern male approach would strongly agree as Iago is a strong Machiavellian villain, in which Iago is a cynical, manipulative villain driven by a petty motive – not being promoted.

Manipulation is used by Iago again to construct his ultimate ploy to threaten their marriage, in which Iago can’t bear to see a female exert influence in a male-centred society. Othello believes that Desdemona is having an affair with Cassio, due to Iago who is ‘full of love and honesty’ which is dramatic irony and humour, combined to conceal his façade as he tricks the others to harm them, and continue on his tactical spree. ‘Honesty’ is also repeated throughout the beginning to the denouement, exemplifying how his image can never be tainted or wrecked, despite Emilia exposing him badly in Act 5, questioning how society restricts women in a desperate, vulnerable position in which their voice is unheard in civilisation. Plotting is also exhibited as it goes strictly against the Age of Enlightment, in which Iago’s violation of behaviour leaves the others characters in the play in a vulnerable position, subverting how fate strikes him back inevitably in which one never gets away with his actions of violence and hatred. An Elizabethan approach would consider domestic abuse acceptable and normal, in which they lived in a violent world where Othello is trapped and weakened by love, exposing how women, as well as men can be susceptible to doubt and spite, due to Iago’s overbearing strength.

Patriarchy is an overwhelming force which is combatted by Desdemona to pursue her love, using her strength to go against the male-centred world. Desdemona uses her powerful womanhood to ‘deceive her father’ alluding how Desdemona has manipulated her father and asserted her independence from patriarchy by choosing her own husband, subverting the opposition and power. ‘Deceive’ can also be a subversion of authority, in which is inevitable at the denouement that both females die, despite trying to stand up to the competency, questioning whether this injustice can ever be solved. However, in the Renaissance this was justified as men were expected to control and command their wives, as Shakespeare presents that men overrule women in humanity, and there is no way for them to escape their helpless status. Yet, in a later play by Shakespeare named ‘Macbeth’, exclaims how men need to live up to the expectations of manhood, transcending men and their power in their stereotypical roles.

Ultimately Othello loves Desdemona in which they have an obsessive passion for one another, yet he doesn’t betray his patriotic love when commanded to defeat the Turkish military defence. Othello’s profession as a ‘General’ assists him to win Desdemona as she ‘loved me for the dangers I had passed’, suggesting how the plosive adjectives represent the origin of their love, in which warfare assisted him to win ‘thee gentle Desdemona’. ‘Dangers’ foreshadows how his lifestyle turns into warfare, as his attachment is corrupted and ruined, which is represented similarly due to the change in setting from powerful and romantic Venice, to Cyprus which is a spiral into chaos. Historically, in the late 16th century Puritans went against the Church of England to reform and adapt the rules, in which Othello goes against societies rigid standards and boundaries of black men, in which he is able to ignore the xenophobia through his high ranking of nobility, and his respect. A Modern Feminist approach would strongly agree transcending how women should be respected and treated well in civilisation, throughout history and not just in the Jacobean era.
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justanotherchica
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the statment that you're supposed to be arguing the one beginning with "the disruption in othello annd desdemona's relationship.." what does it mean?
i do AQA so the questions and statements they want us to argue are different like its a lot shorter and much more precise. could you just explain what it means but i seriously dont understand what you're supposed to be arguing. did a teacher make up the question or are you doing an actual exam question?
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zainwaraich123
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(Original post by justanotherchica)
the statment that you're supposed to be arguing the one beginning with "the disruption in othello annd desdemona's relationship.." what does it mean?
i do AQA so the questions and statements they want us to argue are different like its a lot shorter and much more precise. could you just explain what it means but i seriously dont understand what you're supposed to be arguing. did a teacher make up the question or are you doing an actual exam question?
nah I'm just writing 6 random paragraphs tbh, template answers that can be used in any essay

just mark, and let me know what i can improve plz
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justanotherchica
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(Original post by zainwaraich123)
nah I'm just writing 6 random paragraphs tbh, template answers that can be used in any essay

just mark, and let me know what i can improve plz
do you want me to mark each paragraph out of 25 or...? is it a whole essay or is each paragraph like part of a different essay. if it's a whole essay I need to know what the question/statement is.
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zainwaraich123
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(Original post by justanotherchica)
do you want me to mark each paragraph out of 25 or...? is it a whole essay or is each paragraph like part of a different essay. if it's a whole essay I need to know what the question/statement is.
nah each paragprah out of 25 and how to improve it

thanks so much for ur effort and time g
bless
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justanotherchica
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(Original post by zainwaraich123)
nah each paragprah out of 25 and how to improve it

thanks so much for ur effort and time g
bless
okay so i cant mark each paragraph out of 25 but i can break it down so generally in an essay you have 5paragraphs or 6 if you're a fast writer. so 25/5 is 5 marks per paragraph meaing the perfect para will be 5/5 so ill just mark it according to that to let you know how good the para will be in an essay. its coming btw and no probz helps with my revision lol
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justanotherchica
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(Original post by zainwaraich123)
nah each paragprah out of 25 and how to improve it

thanks so much for ur effort and time g
bless

1st para - i think its an intro and it's good because it's precise and short. good use of technical vocab also but you need to ensure that everything you're saying is clear straightforward cuz examiners dont want to have to decipher it rather they want to know exactly what the outline of your argument is going to be in each essay. try to include words of the question in the intro and add a bit of context to the beginning then outline your 3 main arguments and introduce a debate. 2.5/5


im doing it bit by bit so its gonna take a while for me to mark all of it. but i will try to do as many as i can or a few atleast
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zainwaraich123
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(Original post by justanotherchica)
1st para - i think its an intro and it's good because it's precise and short. good use of technical vocab also but you need to ensure that everything you're saying is clear straightforward cuz examiners dont want to have to decipher it rather they want to know exactly what the outline of your argument is going to be in each essay. try to include words of the question in the intro and add a bit of context to the beginning then outline your 3 main arguments and introduce a debate. 2.5/5


im doing it bit by bit so its gonna take a while for me to mark all of it. but i will try to do as many as i can or a few atleast
ah ok cool boss ahaha
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justanotherchica
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4th paragraph -
  • "havoc downfall" doesn't make sense and acc this is something that came up a few times in your paragraph, make sure you proofread to ensure words are being used correctly and in the correct context in the sentence. "destroy" not "destruct" also.
  • really good use of quotes especialy since they are imbedded in this para and others, that will really bump up your marks.
  • this is acc a really good para because the beginning and ending of para links to eachother, it's cyclical. it's like a para should be structured like an essay itself so you have the main introductory point at the beginning of the para and at the end you confirm the original point you made and link it back to the question which is exactly what you did so great.
  • good A02 and links to context as well.
  • "modern male approach"... i dont think thats relevant to this paragraph.

overall - 3.5 or 4 out of 5
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zainwaraich123
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(Original post by justanotherchica)
4th paragraph -
  • "havoc downfall" doesn't make sense and acc this is something that came up a few times in your paragraph, make sure you proofread to ensure words are being used correctly and in the correct context in the sentence. "destroy" not "destruct" also.
  • really good use of quotes especialy since they are imbedded in this para and others, that will really bump up your marks.
  • this is acc a really good para because the beginning and ending of para links to eachother, it's cyclical. it's like a para should be structured like an essay itself so you have the main introductory point at the beginning of the para and at the end you confirm the original point you made and link it back to the question which is exactly what you did so great.
  • good A02 and links to context as well.
  • "modern male approach"... i dont think thats relevant to this paragraph.


overall - 3.5 or 4 out of 5
thank u so much, have u got an example essay that i can see
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