The Student Room Group

How do I come out as Bi to my friends/family?

Hey

I'm a closeted guy, I've always dated girls & I am currently in a 8 month relationship with one. But ever since I was 13, I have always noticed guys as well. I am trying to come to grips with who I am. My parents, especially my dad do not understand sexuality & the whole LGBTQ+ stuff. I feel like I would be letting down my family & I am worried about how my friends will react. I feel like I should come out this year, and I feel like I'm just holding my breathe.

Is there anyone who has been or is going through the same thing as me?

thanks :tongue:
Yeah I decided not to tell anyone. For me personally I feel like being bi won’t completely change my life since I still prefer woman more, as you seem to as well? If people ask me I say I’m open minded and if it felt right I’d go for it.

For me, being bi just means I can have fun with guys as well and have deeper emotional connections…. No one really has to know. Just stop trying to cover it up and they’ll catch on
I am also bisexual and have just decided not to tell anyone. If you end up with a guy then come out but if you don't leave it. Just save yourself the hassle. i came out to 4 friends and it was hell. there is no point of putting yourself through that. i ended up just telling them that i was joking and they believed so i just keep it to myself and live my life.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
I am also bisexual and have just decided not to tell anyone. If you end up with a guy then come out but if you don't leave it. Just save yourself the hassle. i came out to 4 friends and it was hell. there is no point of putting yourself through that. i ended up just telling them that i was joking and they believed so i just keep it to myself and live my life.


Original post by Anonymous
Yeah I decided not to tell anyone. For me personally I feel like being bi won’t completely change my life since I still prefer woman more, as you seem to as well? If people ask me I say I’m open minded and if it felt right I’d go for it.

For me, being bi just means I can have fun with guys as well and have deeper emotional connections…. No one really has to know. Just stop trying to cover it up and they’ll catch on


Maybe I wouldn't need to come out to my family, unless I go out with a guy. But I feel like I need to tell atleast someone. It feels like I have a huge weight on my shoulders. How did you guys know you was 'bi'. Like when did you say, right, I'm Bisexual?
I’m a bi girl and i think I’m in love with my best friend (also a girl) but I haven’t actually told anyone yet, she’s the only person who knows I’m bi
Original post by Anonymous
Maybe I wouldn't need to come out to my family, unless I go out with a guy. But I feel like I need to tell atleast someone. It feels like I have a huge weight on my shoulders. How did you guys know you was 'bi'. Like when did you say, right, I'm Bisexual?


To be honest i kind of ignored the fact that i was bisexual for a while. I go to a all boys school and i started looking at boys in a sexual, deeper way. However, in my mind, i thought it was nothing even though i was getting erections looking at guys. I have never had feelings for someone though, only crushes. I look at both genders sexually so that's when i realised that i must be bisexual and i came to terms with it fully last year when i was 14. I actually try to just leave it and not make it a bit issue in my life. i mean its easier since i have gay friends so i can talk about girls with my straight friends then talk about guys with my gay friends.
If i were you, I would come out to an extremely close friend, someone who you know wont tell a soul. It would be better if he or she were gay as they would completely respect it. And just leave it at that, definitely do not come out to your family, if it would lead to problems and you dont plan to date a man. Does your girlfriend know? Probably not from what you've said, but do you think she'll break up with you if she ever found out? Again here, ignorance is bliss is the situation that comes to mind.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey

I'm a closeted guy, I've always dated girls & I am currently in a 8 month relationship with one. But ever since I was 13, I have always noticed guys as well. I am trying to come to grips with who I am. My parents, especially my dad do not understand sexuality & the whole LGBTQ+ stuff. I feel like I would be letting down my family & I am worried about how my friends will react. I feel like I should come out this year, and I feel like I'm just holding my breathe.

Is there anyone who has been or is going through the same thing as me?

thanks :tongue:


If you feel that way and you're worried about your parents reacting badly, you don't necessarily have to say it until anything happens. Whilst you're dating a girl, it doesn't really matter that you like boys, so it's not something you should feel obliged to share.
If you feel you want to, of course, let them know, but at the same time, if you think it may cause issues (having a parent who doesn't share open values) then there is no pressing matter about it.

I don't want to come across as though I know your situation personally or discourage you from doing anything, but it doesn't sound too pressing, and it may be quite random to say 8 months into a relationship with a girl. Unless you feel the need to get it off your chest, you could wait for better timing if you're concerned.

A good way to bring it up may be to discuss sexual fluidity in general, and have a discussion about it. It would be an easy way to slip in the fact that you think you're attracted to boys too.

Given that you're 13, and 8 months into a relationship with a girl, I expect the timing isn't perfect, but it's really up to you.

Good luck!
When I came out as bi, I said it very quickly and made it very clear what I was saying.

Try telling close friends first, because it will allow you to get 'an idea' of what it'll be like. Is there anyone else that is openly LGBT at your school? There are a few bi girls at my school that are in my year, who I told first. I found them to be very helpful. I also found that girls are significantly more accepting than guys are, so if you are friends with girls, I would personally tell them first.

If I was you, I wouldn't tell your parents to be honest. They don't seem very accepting to LGBT sexualities.

Good Luck!
Reply 8
Original post by lizolove
If you feel that way and you're worried about your parents reacting badly, you don't necessarily have to say it until anything happens. Whilst you're dating a girl, it doesn't really matter that you like boys, so it's not something you should feel obliged to share.
If you feel you want to, of course, let them know, but at the same time, if you think it may cause issues (having a parent who doesn't share open values) then there is no pressing matter about it.

I don't want to come across as though I know your situation personally or discourage you from doing anything, but it doesn't sound too pressing, and it may be quite random to say 8 months into a relationship with a girl. Unless you feel the need to get it off your chest, you could wait for better timing if you're concerned.

A good way to bring it up may be to discuss sexual fluidity in general, and have a discussion about it. It would be an easy way to slip in the fact that you think you're attracted to boys too.

Given that you're 13, and 8 months into a relationship with a girl, I expect the timing isn't perfect, but it's really up to you.

Good luck!


Thank you for your advice. However, I'm not 13, I am 17. I just have been dealing with this since I was 13. My girlfriend is Bi, I should of added that. But she told me right at the beginning of the relationship.

Original post by Anonymous
When I came out as bi, I said it very quickly and made it very clear what I was saying.

Try telling close friends first, because it will allow you to get 'an idea' of what it'll be like. Is there anyone else that is openly LGBT at your school? There are a few bi girls at my school that are in my year, who I told first. I found them to be very helpful. I also found that girls are significantly more accepting than guys are, so if you are friends with girls, I would personally tell them first.

If I was you, I wouldn't tell your parents to be honest. They don't seem very accepting to LGBT sexualities.

Good Luck!

My parents are not agains't LGBTQ+. They just are uneducated and don't understand it. I believe it would be best to just leave it.

Thank you everyone who has commented for your help. It is greatly appreciated. I'm honestly surprised how many people I can relate too.

Much love! :nyan:
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hey

I'm a closeted guy, I've always dated girls & I am currently in a 8 month relationship with one. But ever since I was 13, I have always noticed guys as well. I am trying to come to grips with who I am. My parents, especially my dad do not understand sexuality & the whole LGBTQ+ stuff. I feel like I would be letting down my family & I am worried about how my friends will react. I feel like I should come out this year, and I feel like I'm just holding my breathe.

Is there anyone who has been or is going through the same thing as me?

thanks :tongue:

Yeah I'm actually in the exact same situation your not alone

Quick Reply