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Would you meet up with your ex that dumped you?

My ex dumped me before he went abroad for a year. We never had any fights but obviously he didn't see a long term future and wasn't prepared to do long distance.

Throughout that year we didn't speak to each other. I missed him but I had too much pride to text him. Aside from a birthday text, he didn't bother reaching out to me either which to be honest wasn't what I was used to. I'm used to exes reaching out again after the breakup.

Anyway he comes back after his trip and he messages asking to meet up for a coffee. He doesn't provide any background or explanation, just simply asks to meet up.

At this point I still kind of miss him and I hear from a mutual friend that my ex missed me while he was gone. But I don't think there's too much to read into there. I'm assuming he thought about me a few times after we broke up but I don't think he properly missed me or else he would have made the effort to speak to me.

Once again I have too much pride and I reject his invitation even though I wanted to see him. Just because I didn't want it to seem like he could come back and snap his fingers and I'd be there.

One friend says I should have just gone otherwise I'll never get that closure and now we've left it on an awkward note.
Another friend says I would have looked a bit desperate if I did accept his lacklustre invitation after not speaking to me for a year.

Thing is I can't help feel a bit bad for being the unreasonable ex who won't even meet for a casual coffee. I think I should have just gone.

What would you have done?

It was a few weeks ago so maybe I shouldn't still dwell on it but I'm thinking maybe I should just reach out so we can go for a civil coffee and so I can stop thinking 'what if?'
I wouldn't have gone either. Once you're done with me I'm done with you. I've been dumped outright too and then out of the blue they suddenly wanted to meet me again. Doesn't take a genius to work out that they obviously couldn't find anyone else so wanted to come crawling back to me.

Nah never give them that satisfaction, you might think you're getting 'closure' but to them it's saying that they have the ability to click their fingers and have you come running back to them. Best way to move on is to forget about them completely, as if you've already got someone else in your life therefore why would your ex get a second look in. You don't need closure, he made it obvious how little he thinks of you. You rejected him because you've already moved on. Good for you!
Nah, going through the trashcan isn't my thing.
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user314159
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Original post by Delusion6
I wouldn't have gone either. Once you're done with me I'm done with you. I've been dumped outright too and then out of the blue they suddenly wanted to meet me again. Doesn't take a genius to work out that they obviously couldn't find anyone else so wanted to come crawling back to me.

Nah never give them that satisfaction, you might think you're getting 'closure' but to them it's saying that they have the ability to click their fingers and have you come running back to them. Best way to move on is to forget about them completely, as if you've already got someone else in your life therefore why would your ex get a second look in. You don't need closure, he made it obvious how little he thinks of you. You rejected him because you've already moved on. Good for you!


Thanks that was reassuring to read. I couldn't tell if I was being too harsh and petty. I also didn't want it to seem like the reason I didn't meet up was because I still wasn't over him and I wasn't ready to face him because I was still hurting.
But you're probably right, meeting up with him may have opened up more problems and I may have gotten messed around again and gone back to square one.
And lol I haven't fully moved on yet but I'll let him think that.
Shag's a shag.
Original post by user314159
Thanks that was reassuring to read. I couldn't tell if I was being too harsh and petty. I also didn't want it to seem like the reason I didn't meet up was because I still wasn't over him and I wasn't ready to face him because I was still hurting.
But you're probably right, meeting up with him may have opened up more problems and I may have gotten messed around again and gone back to square one.
And lol I haven't fully moved on yet but I'll let him think that.


You should care about harshness when it comes to someone who was harsh to you. I never make an effort for anyone who has hurt me, is they didn't care enough to make that effort for me I won't care enough in return
Reply 6
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user314159
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Original post by Delusion6
You should care about harshness when it comes to someone who was harsh to you. I never make an effort for anyone who has hurt me, is they didn't care enough to make that effort for me I won't care enough in return


Very true, they broke my heart and all I did was turn down a coffee. I'm sure he didn't dwell on it anyway.
You don’t owe them anything

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