The Student Room Group

Being alone all your life

I'm 17 and now that all my 'friends' have left for a different school, I've realised that we've never really been friends at all. I didn't know anything about them and they knew nothing about me. It has been made apparent to me that I probably have autism and that may be the reason, but regardless of that my social skills are so bad I genuinely feel like I will never connect to another person, either as a romantic partner or a friend. This has destroyed my self-esteem and I cannot do anything productive because I can't see a reason to do so. Why get good grades? So I can get a job I hate and lots of money with no one to spend it on? I have no idea how to overcome this. I've been seeing a therapist on how to improve social skills but the cost is quickly becoming too much, I'm not even in school due to holidays and the NHS mental health is ****ing useless. Unless I rectify this soon, I'm going to crash and burn so any advice will be appreciated.
Your motivation to work hard and do well should be for your own benefit and gratification. Find something you love if you haven't already and just pursue it. You'll make friends and find a partner along the way, you'll meet like-minded and just generally nicer people once you leave school, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Wish you the best of luck :smile:
don't be ridiculous, why should something like this make you crash and burn?

your life is not defined by the people in it. and you're only 17 - PLENTYYY of time to make more friends and meet people in the future. don't put all your emphasis on this, don't think about it too much. just concentrate on your studies and life and everything else will fall into place.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 17 and now that all my 'friends' have left for a different school, I've realised that we've never really been friends at all. I didn't know anything about them and they knew nothing about me. It has been made apparent to me that I probably have autism and that may be the reason, but regardless of that my social skills are so bad I genuinely feel like I will never connect to another person, either as a romantic partner or a friend. This has destroyed my self-esteem and I cannot do anything productive because I can't see a reason to do so. Why get good grades? So I can get a job I hate and lots of money with no one to spend it on? I have no idea how to overcome this. I've been seeing a therapist on how to improve social skills but the cost is quickly becoming too much, I'm not even in school due to holidays and the NHS mental health is ****ing useless. Unless I rectify this soon, I'm going to crash and burn so any advice will be appreciated.


Understand where your coming from man, PM me if you want
well at least you have an excuse, i'm not autistic at all, just a loser who no one ever wanted to be friends with. i always had all the traits to make a great friend but people don't care. i was always treated like a leper, people HATED me, they never even wanted to sit next to me. if i bought them a christmas card they'd open it, see it was from me and go 'ewww' and throw it away! i never bloody understood what their problem was, why the hell they hated me so much. i mean theres nothing wrong me with aside from being kinda ugly but most people i went to school with were ugly themselves. i didn't smell or behave weird. it was weird how even the kids with the *****y personality were liked and befriends but me - a genuine nice guy with a good soul who is relatively funny, smart, kind and always gives people a chance was always billy-no-mates. i swear even all the other unpopular unliked kids didn't like me. i never got it

but whatever, even though it bugged the hell out of me as a kid i grew up with a different outlook. i knew i would make the perfect friend to anyone but if people didn't want me as a friend or boyfriend - they hey, its their loss!

so **** it, now i just live my life and surround myself by the only people who do care about me - my family. and my family are spoiled to death by me. theres my immediate family and a couple of cousins of mine, i spoil them with my loyalty, my awesomeness and with money and nice stuff and now the rest of my family - who all shunned me and hated me for many years - now wish they were my friend too because they see the way i treat my cousins i like and they are jealous lol. thats what you do man. show people what they are missing. and keep looking. women will reject you left right and centre but when the right one comes along spoil the crap out of her and make every other woman who rejected you see what she was missing out on! best way to prove yourself to the world, be the best you can be. if people can't appreciate it, it means they are the type who want to be mistreated by others.
You should get good grades so you don't have to get a *****y job. Instead, get good grades so you can get a job you'd love doing and can get enough money to give yourself a good life. If you don't need good grades to do that, then that's fine too. Still get decent grades but just do what you love doing, not what you think you have to do. Giving up was something I was also going to do. It got to the point where I basically didn't show up for 70% of 4th year(1st GCSE year, age 14/15). I eventually realized that doing so was going to get me nowhere, and would just make my life harder long term.
I am also in a similar position to you regarding Autism. I was never diagnosed, but I came close to where the doctors made a point to say that there is no guarantee that I don't have it and, personally, I can see why when it comes to my social life. However that shouldn't stop you. It may be challenging but all you need to do is put yourself out there. When I did that I was happier and more "sociable" if not social. I still wouldn't say I have any "close" friends, and I too feel like my friends don't really "know" me all that much, but that doesn't really matter as I am in no way alone. You are also not alone. You may feel that way, as did I, but you are not. You have a family. I may not know your family situation, but assuming it is typical you have them to confide in and support you. Never forget that. In regards to romantic partners I can't help you there. I don't have one. That doesn't matter to me either. That's not what defines me, I am what defines me, and you are the only person who defines you. Sure, it would be great, but I'm not any worse off without having one, and nor are you. Furthermore, you are only 17, there is plenty of time to meet new people and find someone, all you have to do is go for it. Obviously, since I wasn't formally diagnosed with autism(as I don't think you have been), I can't say this has been an experience of having autism, but it's as close as I can get. However still, if you do have it, autism shouldn't stop you from having the life you want.
If you knew me in 4th year, you would never expect me to be anywhere near where I am now in just 3-4 years, and even less so where I will be in September. Join a club, take up a hobby, do anything to get yourself out there and do things that you want to do. You will see improvement in your life. It may be difficult, and it will take effort, but you can do it and it will be worth it. If you tell yourself where you are now is rock bottom, all you can do is go up.
(edited 6 years ago)

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