I want to get my aspie ex back.

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J- Doe
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I dated a guy for 8 months. I genuinely fell in love with him and thought we were doing great. I started suspecting he was on the spectrum but unfortunately didnt do enough research to understand how to handle him better. We had a fight one night and I told him I deserved better than that. I was meaning better than the treatment he was giving me over the fight. He took it the wrong way and believed I was saying I deserve a better boyfriend. Over whatsapp I got so angry I made a huge mistake and ended things. He cut me off after that and didnt speak for 2 days. I messaged him how sorry I was, and that I really love him and asked if we could meet to discuss. He ignored all my messages and calls. 4 days later he replied saying he thought about it and I do deserve better. He said he thinks im wonderful and he would not do anything to change me but he believed I wanted to change him. That was so far from the truth, I tried to explain but was still being ignored. I have sent many messages, now being told if he is aspie , bombarding him with messages was the wrong thing to do. Where to from here? I really love this boy and miss him so much it hurts. Do you think theres a chance he would come back, or if I give him space, that he will reach out to me? Or should I wait another week and send a message to rather be friends than get back together? I have no clue about this and so lost. Plz advise me
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bhargavaak
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i read your story . the matter is going to become complicated . So now you must meet him personally or with that guy who is his good friend and tell him whole matter from starting and also told him that my motive was not that what you thinked.if he want to go with you ahead he will accept you, i am sure .do all with meeting him .. in my view
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Tootles
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(Original post by J- Doe)
I date a guy for 8 months. I genuinely fell in love with him and thought we were doing great. I started suspecting he was on the spectrum but infortunately didnt do enough research to understand how to handle him better. We had a fight one night and I told him I deserved better than that. I was meaning better than the treatment he was giving me. He took it the wrong way and believed I was saying I deserve a better boyfriend. Over whatsapp I got so angry I made a huge mistake and ended things. He cut me off after that and didnt speak for 2 days. I messaged him how sorry I was, and that I really love him and aske if we could meet to discuss. He ifnored all my messages and calls. 4 days later he replied saying he thought about it and I so deserve better. He said he thinks im perfect and he would change me but he believed I wanted to change him. That was so far from the truth, I tried to explain but was still being ignored. I have sent many messages, now being told if he is aspie , bombarding him with messages was the wrong thing to do.Where to from here? I really love this boy and miss him so much it hurts.Do you think theres a chance he would come back, or if I give him space, that he will reach out to me?Or should I wait another week and send a message to rather be friends than get back together? I have no clue about this and so lost. Plz advise me
Good luck - take it from an aspie.

You're going to have to prove yourself to him in some way or another. Leave it a couple of weeks, and then write to him. Tell him you were angry and you didn't mean he wasn't good enough.

Also, you have to realize that nobody deserves anything. You have what you have, and you can either be happy with it or not. Accept that. You love this boy and he clearly feels the same. You have to choose, in this case, to be happy. Tell him you would be happier with him than anyone else, and that you don't want to change him - because changing him would mean he's no longer him.

You also have to accept that he might not be able to trust you any more. We aspies are very black-and-white about things, and once we've been hurt it takes a lot to trust again, more than most others. You could have broken his trust in you completely, but I hope you haven't.
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J- Doe
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Thank you so much. Makes alot of sense. I think I messed it up completely by the way I handled things. If only I knew then what I know now. But i think its too late, I hurt him by things I didnt even mean. But he is exactly what you are explaining, black or white and he doesnt want to accept what I am saying. He is adamant I meant what I said and wont have it any other way
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EmilyH1256
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What is an aspire? So I can under this whole thing more.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by EmilyH1256)
What is an aspire? So I can under this whole thing more.
Person with Aspergers.
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J- Doe
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An ’Aspie’ is someone perceived to be on the Asperger spectrum. They have different challenges but most struggle in the social sector. My ex is a highly functioning aspie. So he keeps saying he is different but doesnt know why. Therefore he isnt officially diagnosed with it. I just believe he is from everything Ive googled.
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EmilyH1256
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(Original post by Tiger Rag)
Person with Aspergers.
Ohhh okay .. so with that being said u should just give him so space n have faith try again in a week or so and maybe like u said just say u wanna be friends and eventually you guys can get back together.. and explain it was just a mix up and tell him what u really meant when U said u deserve better..
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username3886196
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(Original post by EmilyH1256)
Ohhh okay .. so with that being said u should just give him so space n have faith try again in a week or so and maybe like u said just say u wanna be friends and eventually you guys can get back together.. and explain it was just a mix up and tell him what u really meant when U said u deserve better..
People like you are the reason I keep my belief that people care. I think what you’ve said makes perfect sense, coming from an 18 year old aspie, and the best way to communicate effectively is to make sure the person with Aspergers understands you, even if it means spending a little more time than you normally would on explaining. I personally really appreciate your response considering you didn’t understand the abbreviation aspie, which is fair enough as most don’t. I love people who make an effort to try to understand us, they are the ones who make the world go round
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EmilyH1256
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(Original post by getmeoffmyphone2)
People like you are the reason I keep my belief that people care. I think what you’ve said makes perfect sense, coming from an 18 year old aspie, and the best way to communicate effectively is to make sure the person with Aspergers understands you, even if it means spending a little more time than you normally would on explaining. I personally really appreciate your response considering you didn’t understand the abbreviation aspie, which is fair enough as most don’t. I love people who make an effort to try to understand us, they are the ones who make the world go round
I didn’t understand it but once i googled it and a whole bunch of stuff about autism came up I grasped it.. I work with children who have this problem some worse then others and it’s hard because when they get upset and start throwing fits or then just stop talking and walk away I had to learn to just give them space n when they are ready they will come back.. i hard to learn there brain don’t work like ur normal person... I love the population of people with these types of problems because they are so loving and caring you just have to be able to work and learn them...
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username3886196
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(Original post by EmilyH1256)
I didn’t understand it but once i googled it and a whole bunch of stuff about autism came up I grasped it.. I work with children who have this problem some worse then others and it’s hard because when they get upset and start throwing fits or then just stop talking and walk away I had to learn to just give them space n when they are ready they will come back.. i hard to learn there brain don’t work like ur normal person... I love the population of people with these types of problems because they are so loving and caring you just have to be able to work and learn them...
We are certainly loving I do feel for the lower functioning population but I find even high functioning can be taxing. Particularly socially. Yeah it seems that when working with autistic kids, some people are better with them by nature. And I honestly think the people who are willing to listen and stick around are the most valuable
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EmilyH1256
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(Original post by getmeoffmyphone2)
We are certainly loving I do feel for the lower functioning population but I find even high functioning can be taxing. Particularly socially. Yeah it seems that when working with autistic kids, some people are better with them by nature. And I honestly think the people who are willing to listen and stick around are the most valuable
Yes I work at a school to disability kids so there are all different thing from Down syndrome to autism... anything u can think of..they are there and there is it a lot of people that work there that look at it as just a job or the call it babysitting.. when in reality we don’t babysit we teach them how to survive in the world with there disabilities.. on top or ur basic things.. it’s a job u have to put ur all in and love unconditionally and u have to love the kids unconditionally cus they know when u don’t.. it’s a hard job but if u love it then it don’t matter how many times a kid hits you or bites u or pulls ur hair cus they do.. one of my students attacks me everyday she thinks she’s playing she has downs so she don’t know any better I can’t take it personally when a lot of people do that’s why my job hires people every two weeks cus so many people think they can do it and can’t..
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J- Doe
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Hi guys. I called him off private number, so he finally answered. I had to, couldnt take the pain. He was so cold with no emotion.
My first question is, does that mean, being an aspie he gets over feelings so soon and feel nothing once hes made a decision?
Secondly he said he doesnt believe I ended things by mistake, because I kept complaining in the relationship, which stressed him out. He said I complained about him not giving affection and him sitting on his phone all the time while we were together, which are things he couldnt change. In my mind, I really didnt see it as complaints that bad to end a relationship. I was just feeling insecure and trying to figure him out because affection is how I show I love someone, and reading articles on your phone while youre with someone made me feel he wadnt that interested in me.
So he said, I deserve someone who will shower me with affection, and he deserves someone that wont stress him out about it. I tried to reason with him to say now that I understand him better, when i need affection I will just cuddle him or ask for a hug. And wont complain why he isnt giving it to me. He told me it isnt sustainable And I shouldnt have to compromise like that.
My next question is, do you think thats a true reason he is breaking up with me? Or is he trying to sugar coat something more? maybe he got put off me and doesnt want to hurt my feelings? I just cant believe his reasoning to walk away from a relationship I though we were so happy in. He used to sms saying hes mine for as long as I want, and talk about engagement etc. I just cant figure out how it could just end like this.
Also, is there a chance after he calms down he would realise what we had really was great and we can work on better communication to understand each other?
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EmilyH1256
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(Original post by J- Doe)
Hi guys. I called him off private number, so he finally answered. I had to, couldnt take the pain. He was so cold with no emotion.
My first question is, does that mean, being an aspie he gets over feelings so soon and feel nothing once hes made a decision?
Secondly he said he doesnt believe I ended things by mistake, because I kept complaining in the relationship, which stressed him out. He said I complained about him not giving affection and him sitting on his phone all the time while we were together, which are things he couldnt change. In my mind, I really didnt see it as complaints that bad to end a relationship. I was just feeling insecure and trying to figure him out because affection is how I show I love someone, and reading articles on your phone while youre with someone made me feel he wadnt that interested in me.
So he said, I deserve someone who will shower me with affection, and he deserves someone that wont stress him out about it. I tried to reason with him to say now that I understand him better, when i need affection I will just cuddle him or ask for a hug. And wont complain why he isnt giving it to me. He told me it isnt sustainable And I shouldnt have to compromise like that.
My next question is, do you think thats a true reason he is breaking up with me? Or is he trying to sugar coat something more? maybe he got put off me and doesnt want to hurt my feelings? I just cant believe his reasoning to walk away from a relationship I though we were so happy in. He used to sms saying hes mine for as long as I want, and talk about engagement etc. I just cant figure out how it could just end like this.
Also, is there a chance after he calms down he would realise what we had really was great and we can work on better communication to understand each other?
Him have the condition he has will effect how is shows love and compassion.. it’s hard for people like him then it is for someone like you or me..maybe you both do deserve someone else.. maybe you should just be friends.. but they say sometimes you got to grow apart to grown together so yes maybe he will start missing you and thinking and realize he wants you back.. but u can’t keep forcing it just give him space.. if he don’t come around then obviously it wasn’t meant to be... u never heard the saying if u love someone set them free if they come back they were always yours..if he don’t come around u gunna have To move on better now then 4-5 years from now.. and if u can’t understand that then u should just leave him alone and move on now...
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