I’ve been okay the past week, I have my two great friends from my course, one of which likes me, and I’ve got some great people on TSR.
But one thing is deeply troubling me. My loneliness levels are surging to the point where I’m scared that it might become dangerously bad.
I’ve suffered from extreme levels of depression in the past but I feel like I’m slipping a lot further than I should be. My good moods don’t feel genuine and my humour feels forced. I’m trying but it’s so difficult.
I’ve been crying for two hours now. This week I’ve cried more times per day than I did in the whole of last year. I can’t fight it. I’ve lost a flirty friend who chose a far more troubled girl over me and claimed it was because I’m “crazy”. Which really stung because autistic people aren’t crazy. We just deal with emotions and feelings differently.
We almost dated. And then he randomly pulled away with no warning, which upset my inner aspie and broke my heart. I am over that now but when I get into a low mood everything from the past two months floods back and breaks me.
So I end up crying like I am right now as I write this thread post
I don’t want to leave TSR. I need the humour and the people.
I just wish I had a friend to comfort me. I still haven’t found anyone other than the guy I like who’d do that. Most people don’t like that I need comfort and support and they run away.
I’m sorry I made this thread and polluted the Relationships Forum, but I’m hurting so much that I’m at dangerous level and I need help. I can’t get any medical help at this time of night which is what I really need but I know I can at least receive comments from some of you lovely people.
Losing my friend has also meant losing the late night support calls. He was great at that for about 3 weeks of the 2 months we were friends. There’s something about talking on snapchat/messenger call/Skype/whatsapp which feels more personal and it’s easier for me to talk than typing. I really miss having someone to call between 11pm and 1am or thereabouts.
Thank you if you took time out to read this, I already appreciate you for that